Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Grandy and everyone

😭 I can't stop. The pains cruel.

Gf yesterday use to be an EN same as me. Said yes infected which happened since I saw RN a couple days ago.

You cant take more than 8 paracetamol based tabs a day I was so hoping not meaning 24 hrs but is. First rang the medicine hotline now waiting for call from my dr. I went purposefully down onto strong but less to other meds was taking but a chance when I max these I might be able to take them. Hate how they make me feel.

They're talking hospital which is ok sorta but the logistics getting home downs me I can bus in to save someone both ways but asking people to disrupt or interfere with their day I dont like doing.

Gf measured its 2.5 cm the open wound across, 1.5 down and the infections 5cm across maybe bigger now.

It's affecting my sleeping tho have a lot through days for recovery from BP and the tiredness from meds but usually neither affect much in night sleep.

Still recovering mentally from beast mutts visit.

You're beautiful saying what you did Grandz I tell ya when it hits like this I dont feel strong at all. No bad thoughts but so over this.

God it's hurting something awful.

Loved your post thank you sweety, wish Doc would ri g soon I'm holding off this pain relief in case she says take stronger

Sorry peeps nothing cheerful or happy atm.

Cancelled AGAIN sp.needs cause of health and lunch with besty today.

Had e.bloody.nuff

Thank you listening sorry to be a downer. Its just too much atm. The last mth has been a caning with mental &physical health.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🗯

[Ggrand]

Dear beautiful Deebi,👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.

Awe you poor darling..I’m sorry hun...geez your body sure is giving you a hard time...The pain must be so incredibly hard to manage...please don’t hold of going to hospital if you need to...I’m sure one of your friends won’t mind at all collecting you to bring you home....Maybe carbuncle?...moreso then boil...Maybe bbff..is it possible to gauze and plaster to cover it for now..to keep the air out of it..until you can get in to see Dr. or hospital....So frustrated that I can’t be their for you and help you more.😢..

Maybe ring the Dr again now..just in case she’s been to busy to ring...I wonder if something like bonjella would work to numb a bit...not sure maybe hospital can tell you about stronger pain meds...and a numbing ointment...

Please don’t be sorry...about your post honey.....your hurting so much atm...still coming out of BP..plus your sore body..I feel heartbroken for you...I’m really sorry.....

Please stay strong Deebi....I love you and am very concerned about you....Please sweety be okay...I wish it was tomorrow already...

Will check back on you later tonight...please theirvis no need to reply to me...just try hard to rest and breathe gently in and exhale with relax....It’s hard honey...to try not to stress over the pain...breathing will help you...I hope..

Love you Beyond any words can say...sss...awyis...Biggest 🐻🤗...and love 💖..

Love and caring hugs everyone..💜🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼..🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝👀👀👀..

[demonblaster]

Bbff 💑 & other lovelies

Hiyaz yup rang Drs she wanted me to go to hosp . Was crying my head off you can take so much pain.

Hate asking people and puttin them out but lucky had 3 people happy to bring me home. Got bus in.

Well done my gorgeous apprentice nurse Grandy it is a Carbuncle more than one head) infected. Staying here hospital overnight op in bigger hospital tomoz. In for 1 or 2 nights.

The meds I have are the ones they give in hosp but don't like how they make me feel and some other v.string but lesser.

Nearly outta battery. Just wanted to let youse know in case I can't post.

Thank you so much for your love same beautiful. I know it frustrates metoo want to be there for you.

Gotta charge battery

Thank you and hope you,"re ok precious. Xxxxxxx

[Paw Prints]

Oh DB lass,

So glad you are hospital.... (umm.... you know what I mean 🙄😀)

I'm really hoping that with enough pain meds you can manage some sleep lass.

Sweet dreams

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Im also pleased your in hospital...and staying overnight for 1-2 nights..it’s such a relief that I know your in a safe place for a little while....and be looked after..

Love you dearest friend...get well soon precious...

Big 🐻 🤗 and love

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🤝🤝👀👀....🦄💜👼

[demonblaster]

Hey beautifuls thank you. Very much.

I'm so wiped out but after untold v.strong meds and stacks of antibiotics the pains a slight roar. B dif. When I get out of surgery. They will be debriding it😭 pain relief a god send.

Ok tonight at 5 still have a temperature and sweating could be good sign or getting worse.

Ok good spirits such relief break from worst pain. Well beasties still nagging but doing more positives & thought challenging.

Lol Paws glad I'm in hospital 😂 roight then

thank you Bbff too love you deeply.

Hope you both are managing your blaghss. Always thoughts.

May not be back tonight ops @ 5pm.

So so incredibly worn out youse should seethe hair style... Frightening really. Said I'm thinking to enter a best hairstyle com

Thanks again lovely ones 😊😍😘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Im just calling in to wish you the best for your operation and letting you know I’m thinking about you and hope everything goes well and you wake up feeling better....

I sent to you via bag mail..that’s a very quick 1.6.5 sec delivery...a super soft very fluffy 🐄..cow..that you can cuddle up with tonight, so your not feeling lonely..

When you press the cows ears..it plays a mix of soft beautiful calming music by Marconi union..When you squeeze cows nose...it lets out a peaceful scent of jonquil and lavender to relax you enough to have a deep carefree peaceful sleep....if you press cows belly..his eyes light up your room for you tonight with a soft sapphire blue glow...

No need to reply honey...please just rest up and get yourself well again, a little bit of being looked after by the amazing nurses their is something you really need for some soul healing....

Oh...I also hid some chocolates inside the cow..I forget where I hid them and how you get to them..so I’ll leave that for you to find because it will distract you for a few seconds😁..

Sleep sweety as much as you can to help you in your recovery....I’m watching out for you dear friend...Please get well soon honey....

You look beautiful no matter how your hair looks...

Love you deeply dear Deebi...you have definitely been number 1 in my thoughts today, awyis..yadimh...sss..BPaly

Sending you a big gentle hug and heaps of love..🤗💖..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🤝🤝👀..

ps..I’ll sneak in tonight to see you if I can...got to look in my 💼 first... for some shrinking people dust..😂👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💖💜🦄🐻👼🌜🐄🌛

[Birdy77]

Sending lots of positive, warm and loving vibes to you Aunty Deebs.

I really hope you feel better soon after they git rud (talking nz for ya) of the yucks from your system.

Try to relax and let them take care of you.

🌻tweets xo

[Ggrand]

Good Morning beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Its okay bbff..I’m just popping in this morning to see how you’re feeling.....no rush to answer honey, I know you’re in a safe place atm....

I wanted to send you my love and a giant big 🐻 🤗...You’re in my thoughts dear friend...I hope your not in too much pain...

If I knew where you are...I would send you a beautiful bouquet of flowers 💐..with a pure white teddy bear 🧸 that says I love you..you are my spirit soul sister....a big yummy box of chocolates 🍫...and a card that say....Please get well soon...we love you....and I would get everyone of your friends in r/l and here to sign it....I can only send them via cyber space...

Thinking of you dearest bbff.....

Love and hugs lovely lady friend...💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼...🤝🤝🤝🤝...👀👀👀👀..🐻🤗.

[demonblaster]

Hey beautifuls Grandy and Tweety big hugs

Thank you both for your gorgeous posts and love. Impressive kiwi lingo tweets How is she LOL. Loved it. You"re magic I hope you"re ok lovey I know you have some hards going on sweety. Aunty Deebstas always got an ear arms open and love for you honey x

Grandy treasure oh sweetyheart thank you so much for the war to ear smiles and gorgeous pressys. Oh the cows adorabubble just like you. How thoughtful. When I cuddled it really tight guess what popped out. Oh baby a dose of choccy the Dr actually ordered. Love your posts so uplifting thank you beautiful.

Had op this morning instead of yestday . Pretty sore. More drugged up understandably

Extremely tired been a v.hard mth several things.

Slept well last night

Was emotional earlier probs big cry at home.

My joke is this is a pain in the arse

Huge love Grandz you too tweets thank you.

Grandy how are you travelling love?