Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.

Hows your boils poor darling..Oh no I bet that hurt popping it...I sometimes use a medicated cream rubbing it very gently onto it..but I found salt water will help with the infection as it starts to surface for the volcanic explosion...and also use salt water a couple of day after....

Im so happy your arms are healing...mine are also..well mostly...sometimes I’m still doing at times, but pulling myself up for it...Psychiatrist at hospital seen when I was in their...he suggested to me a slinky spring from one hand to the other, some of those very soft jelly toys to squeeze, fidget spinners....They work..when I remember them ☺️.

Deebi...It it is so harsh isn’t it...I wish I could be in r/l with you...so much care, support, help we could give each other...😢....

Did you go out today honey?....Are you feeling better then yesterday sweetie?...

I think that Mr. Psych. Is so wrong in not diagnosing other things, I mean the more the Drs are clued up our mh the better treatment we can get...is it possible another psych..or are they hard to get out your way as well?..

hmmm...could be rotor cuff, ⛑..please be careful honey...maybe next time you gp..can you mention it to him...I had a frozen shoulder once...I think that involved those muscles as well..Not sure but they sure did hurt...maybe sweetie some deep heat, goanna oil and massage it deep into those muscles....

here you go..Deebi..I bought you a donut pillow 🧿 to help you sit more comfortably...I hope it helps you..they sure do hurt 🤕..

Im Wishing you a good deep relaxing, restful and peaceful sleep tonight honey..with dreams of angels, pixies, fairies to help bring you peace and light for you tomorrow..

Love you so much Deebi....Please be always okay.🤗...you’re in my thoughts daily..big big squishy 🐻 🤗s...

Love and caring hugs everyone...💖🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🐉🔥....🌜🧿🌛....🐻🤗..

[startingnew]

Hi DB and Little Angel

I know im not here much but wanted to stop in to let you know you both continue to be in my thoughts.

sending my love and hugs

🧡💛💙❤

[demonblaster]

Bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and lovelies hi 👋

Thank you darlz always being close by 🤗 you've no idea how comforting to have such an amazing bbff 💜💗

Grandy I'm in incredible pain with botty one. Until today no pain relief but could have easily. 2 lots of otc meds today. This is friggen too much going to go stronger. Asked a neighbour to squizz she's an RN (nurse) said it looks normal for a boil omg I knew they're painful. Pos worse cause where it is and that I had a go at it. The hardness is bigger around it but I'll trust her that its not more infected tho this is v.strong pain. Don't want to but probs not special group tomoz again.

This affected my sleep it was terrible again, couldnt lay on back still cant and the night was tossing side to side.
Still recovering from BP.

Mentally not great yet but eventually will get there. I know what you mean about sleeping rather than the pain. I suspected that might be why, you poor love 🤗 Never disappointed sweetyheart 💜

He was sick today. I knew not that hed be sick tho poor guy. I'll hopefully go tuesday to flicks ?with a besty. Doubt if I couldd sit today. Thanks heaps for doughut, I thought it was tasting funny without icing oh dats da bomb on cakes etc then I thought may as well sit on it being nice and soft 😄 you're the sweety.

Grandz lovey I'll reply properly tomoz & at yours. This is SO bloody painful!

Love you blossom 🐻🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗👼Thanks honey 😚

Hope everyones better than ok 🤗

[demonblaster]

🤗🤗🤗 Hey SLD so good to see you 😀

Think about you and miss you. Wonder how youre getting on.

Noticed at Peps saw you here a different Avatar.

You'll always be our little butterfly.

Hey I was so disappointed list recently my wee butterfly necklace. I know where in the house but although I went through the vacuum dust I think I sucked it up 😔 but believe honey you're never forgotten or any of our beautifuls you too Mandy if you're listening SO often in my tnoughts too.

Take care darling. Lovely seeing you 🤗☺😚🦋💗🤝

[Ggrand]

Hello and good morning beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

How are you today lovely bbff..

Oh Deebi...first it’s waxed chocolate scented candles, now it’s a soft rubber donut pillow...hmmm here you go bbff a real chocolate 🍫 iced donut 🍩...yummy...

Thank you saying I didn’t disappoint you....better to sleep then sitting and listening to beasty raving on about my bads.....

Hopeful Tuesday if things work out okay for you and you go to the flicks with besty you will be able to sit more comfortably...I find it hard to sit still at the pictures for so long..

Its freezing here today..around 10 deg, with strong winds..I hope it’s nicer where your living and you can sit outside somewhere and get some sun on your body..sun is just as important as sleep to our bodies...Because it’s a cold day today I’m going to try to mow a section of my yard....

I hope you have a peaceful beautiful day today honey....please take good care of you...your always yadimh......💖 love you so very much Deebi 💖..please be okay always...oh here you go honey... 🍩🍩. you can have two... because your so special....☺️💖🤗..

Excuse me a minute bbff.....

Hello little butterfly 🦋..it’s so very good to hear from you...I also missed you... big long caring hug 🤗....How are you feeling?...I’ll,pop over to yours I hope today sometime if that’s okay.....

Oh Deebi...honey that’s okay about replying on mine..you just take good care of you...your important to me that your as well as you can be..big love and bear hugs🌜💖🐻🤗🌛

Love and hugs beautiful people..💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy 🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 & all 👋

Thank you lovely for your tremendous support 💜🤗

Sometimes its easier to talk a bit later. Still a bit to go. Slept most of today esp the strong meds & exhaustion.

Something was very wrong B4 apart from exacerbated pains. I couldnt tell if the exhaustion which is really hard, ? Anaesthesia or both. Didnt at all feel well. Cant define it. Was a strange sensation in my head. Coming back slowly.

It's pretty normal going to unimagonable places beyond hell. Same so hard to explain. How long before insanity. SO HARD!

I talked & talked tea got teary to mhw that rang. He's SO good. Listened like always and constructive comments at times. He knows how to speak with utmost respect. We'll probs lose him in about a yr due to work changes which will be a hard blow but who knows whats ahead.

Pain was peaking something bad ( botty boil) yesterday. So glad I took the meds. Sleep was disastrous again. About 3rd time this episode, had bits but woke every few minutes or seconds.
Breathing was out of kilter. Think was sleep apnea. Awful

Until just now getting up the pains been almost completely gone. First time in some days I could lay on back. I'll take them again if it increases cause they won't hoping be needed for too long. I do think this pains more than a painful boil. The others relatively easy. Dr Thurs for unrelated. Considered hospital or trying to get in earlier twas severe.

Grandy beautiful I'll bbs to reply to your beautiful posts thank you so much and esp when you're doing it so hard.

Going to yours next my beautiful.

Mentally been hell. Scenarios came in more over last couple days. I could thought challenge a bit or rubbish them. My minds been working overtime to take me down further if thats even possible. IT really does feel like there's a destructive incredibly strong presence trying every possible way to take you down. I managed to not believe some of it. My god what the hells this about!!

Grandz geez I read back and almost dismissed a thought you had & didnt answer properly about ? being overheated. I'm SO sorry honey. I wasnt cranky or anything just my bloody headspace & said "nah had it before" which was irrelevant to your thought. Please trust me I am SO sorry. I mean it I really do appreciate your & others suggests and ideas.
Really love you 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜👼💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🤗..and all🤗..

Honey you sound like your struggling so much..I’m really so sorry😢....I also hope your boil isn’t so ouchy now...

Please Deebi, you don’t have anything at all to apologise to me for at all....Big hug🤗..Awe sweet bbff..I understand that at times the deep pain we feel makes it so hard to reply at times...honey I know you listen to me always and that’s gold..please don’t be so hard on you..I felt your tears falling while you talked this post...Awe come to Grandy honey and I’ll give you a comforting, loving, caring big spirit soul sister cuddle...and dry your eyes with our cloud soft cloth...

Deebi, when you go to gp on Thursday please mention your boil...maybe antibiotics are needed to heal it heal quicker...Deebi..please don’t delay ringing an ambulance or going to hospital if you feel weird sensations in your head..it’s important that you get to hospital ASAP..instead of waiting to see if the sensation disappears...

Good you spoke to your mh bloke and done some release..He sounds nice and caring..I really hope you don’t loose him..it’s hard when that happens..fingers crossed he can stay on...

Beasty tries so hard to down us..it’s something that is hard to understand because it’s us fighting us...it’s mindset against mindset...good against evil..heaven against hell..beasty against our mind..Deebi..I know their has to be a way to be the winner....Don’t believe the lies that beasty is telling you..Hold on to us...Good girl not believing some of it..I’m proud of you...of who you are...a beautiful caring, compassionate, loving, incredibly wonderful person to all of us here....🐻🤗..

I’ll be over to yours in a sec,🚜..to make you a yummy hot chocolate drink with creamy marshmallows floating on top..then we can do some deep breathing together..before I tuck you into bed for a relaxing peaceful sleep...which I hope very much you’ll have tonight...

Love you Deebi...💖🐻🤗...I’ll not be far away..tightly holding your hand 🤝..and keeping an eye 👁 or two 👀 on your thread...awyis...and 💭...yadimh...lysvm....Please dearest friend..please be okay..always...

Love and hugs...💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🐻🤗 🌜🐉🔥🌛..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

You sound as though you’re really struggling...body and mind. Your physical symptoms sound so painful. I feel sad to hear it’s not really letting up much...

Your MH worker sounds as though he is an absolute blessing. You always speak so highly of him, and it makes me feel very glad that he is in your life.

Sending morning Supersoul hugs, choccy bars and much love.

Peppystar xoxo

P.S. A special morning greeting for dear SN. It’s a treat to see your lovely self here and elsewhere xoxox

[demonblaster]

Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Peppy ☘ and readers hi ☺

Floss love I think it was poor form not diagnosing. Magic would be passionate on this too, it's like we're can't 5hink of the words but if you dont want the neds psychiatrists arent interested. I get part of it but pretty bloody average that. I'd need to see one a few visits for proper diagnosis's. Either I forget or can't word things then remember later.

This ones really shattered me. It's dumped in sections, I usually dont have that horrible restlessness but have a few times before it comes on. I've had chunks of anything and everything to rip me apart. Its unbelievable going through your own self wanting to strip you of any worth and attacking at every level 😢to break your brain. It's pure evil. Every times traumatic.

Although a lot of the time I just didnt have the energy to try and challenge and change my thinking but there was a part of the time I was able not to listen as in take it on board. That was later.

Didnt like the movie much it was ok but average. Friend loved it. Loved my time with her. But think a lot had to do with my negative frame of mind. But als9 had meds for boil pain too was nearly falling asleep at times and blagh in head. Could never get hooked to them dont like how they make me feel at all.

Friend took couple of pics of my botty and it's definately infected now and very gicky. Its flattish now Grandy I wouldnt be surprised tho if they debrided it 🤤seriously no thanks.
Tried to get in tomoz and missed by a breathe. Not to worry Thursday come quick enough.

I want to reply to your lovely posts and will near future.
Probs close to count.

Thanks for your kindness lovely friends 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👼☘

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, waves to everyone 🤗..

Awe Deebi, I’m sorry honey that your struggling and hurting so much...

Please make sure that you are taking care of yourself. Please eat enough, and drink plenty of water..Take some time for yourself. You NEED to take care of yourself..I know it’s hard to do so when your so down...

I wish so much..I could take away your pain, sadness and your hurt..Although I can’t do that..I can and will love you through everything you go through...lysvm...sss...

You are so much loved and cared for here.... You are a beautiful and strong person...Honey you have the power and the ability to do anything you set your mind to....You are determined to win over beasty... brave because your not afraid to keep trying to beat it...and wonderfully stubborn because you never give up trying🤗....You can do this. You can fight beasty when it comes your way. You are stronger than beasty and it’s lies...You’ve got this, honey.. Keep pushing forward beautiful friend...We will all be with you to hold your hand all the way through....I love you Deebi no matter what. Never forget that..(not that I will let you forget)😀

Whatever you do, don’t ever forget that their are happy moments, peace, light and many more goods that’s coming around the corner and your nearly there honey....hold on to us, all your friends here..We won’t let you walk alone, we are all walking with you..holding your hand..(um you have so many friends here..maybe we can hold a finger each)...if that’s okay...😀..

Deebi...you are strong and you pull yourself out of these dark places...you’ve done it before sweetie...I believe in you that you can do it again this time...and the next time.. It’s seems so much easier to go with the beasty and believe him...they are lies honey...you have fought your way through these lies before....have pushed yourself so very hard to come out on top and it helps to improve your mh....I believe that every time you win...your insight and strength grows..believe in you...I do...

Thursdays not far away sweety...awe sorry you missed tomorrow..until Thursday and Drs...please take care of you..I’m thinking antibiotics and maybe they take a sample..Geez I hope your okay beautiful friend....

Youre prob asleep by now..but I still want to wish you a deep sleep and some happy dreams....love you dear friend..One day..awyip...hopefully..never loose that hope...

Love and hugs everyone..💖🤗. Good night..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🐻🤗...🦄👼...🌜🔥🐉🔥🌛..