Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Good Morning beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I went to bed last night then couldn’t sleep..so I re read your post and thought I would name all the yummy chocolates and chocolatey things I love eating and imagining the flavours of them.🤤🤩..I woke up so full and I’m sure a few kilos heavier.😁...

I would take your place honey..not even a second thought...love you so much Deebi...You’ve added so much laughter, smiles, light, security, love, and beautifulness into my life since I’ve met you...😚...

I got up at 5 am...I am not a morning person..I need time to sort me out before work....I opened the front door to an amazing gigantic big golden perfectly round sun..It was amazing..I haven’t seen a sunrise for a long time due to me not getting up until near lunch time....I have to try to force myself to get up early more often...

Im sorry you had a few tears..😢...It’s hard isn’t it honey...

Today I get my hip, ear and pelvic scan results back...

Oh..Deebi...I’m laying on my lounge talking to you with a pair of socks on...Ebony don’t like me wearing socks...ouchy..she is trying to get them off with her little paws..ouch...she had a foot fetish and loves to wash peoples feet.😂😂...I know this might yucky to some people but it’s so relaxing when she does it.....She’s done it since she was little....

Not sure if you have an out today..if you do Deebi..please enjoy yourself..i think it’s going to be a warm winters days today..I hope it is nice and warm where you are...Take your time with your walks if you feel to one..little walks as Paws suggested is good...Is your unit up high or first floor...Just walking up steps is exercise enough....

Okay honey..I just wanted to say good morning and chat a bit..at work I miss being here...

Please honey keep me updated on you if your going into an episode...Truth I want/need to know so I can give you extra gentle care...

L💖VE. Y🦄 U. Precious friend...please take really good care of you..because lysvm..and your always yadimh..and I’m always awyis...lovely dearest sss

Big love and hugs...💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other lovely people 😊

You too lovey so many laughs in our our great friendship. Loven the kilos and you being full 😅 it's good mind practice doing things like that like meditation isnt it.
Oh I think one of the best chocs is Lindt... those balls yumm.

You're beautiful Grandz I don't doubt you'd take my place you're an amazing friend 🤗 Thanks hun that really is beautiful.

Yikes 5am bet it was chilly as. That's be the 👽blanky walk 😆

Oh Ebony you little gorgeous that's be like a foot massage. Oh come here sweety.

I lost a reply to you on notes here sigh, had it finished.

I live on ground level and tried the steps a while back but they stirred my knees. Good thought tho hun ☺

What a spectacular sight. So nice and what a way to start your day lovey seeing that beautiful sunrise 🌅

So caring you are you're hearts Golden, hopefully not a BP atm. Thought it might be. Had another very restless morning and a single OMG 😲 back pain so intense I was wary but did lay back on my back. Thank god it was very quick. Oh wow.

I remembered after I'd turned this off last night about your results today. Sorry lovey I wanted to visit you and wish you tje best before you went to work and get the results. I'll be there with you 🤝

Always 🗯 and L💓o💜v💗e 🤝beautiful.

Please ubAok lysvm yAdimh awyip sss bbff gg 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

👀🤝🌹🗯🌳🎃✂️🌱

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

You do have a big day ahead lass, will keep you in my thoughts.

I love that Ebony has a foot fetish, my boy has a thing for my elbow. I know some people think it's icky, but to a dog it is their way of bonding within their pack & a sign of trust.

Hugs

Paws

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

I've been pondering (something I do a lot of) & I'm concerned lass that you will try to get through the next few weeks with only the support of your friends here on BB. I hope you will let your mil & your rl besties know what you are dealing with. I really think you need more support than we can be here, especially when you come out of hospital. Could you have one of them stay with you even if just for the 1st 24 hours or perhaps you could stay at your mil for a day or two. If you are like me you probably would rather manage alone when you come out of hospital, but sometimes the kindest thing we can do is let those who care about us help & feel needed. 💖

Righty ho I will now take off my mother hen hat & mind my own beeswax as we say in this neck of the woods.

Ooooh Kahlua Choccie!!!! I never new such a perfect pairing existed. 🤤 Definitely have to try it. hmmmm it's raining here, me thinks that's the perfect excuse to go choccie hunting online. 🤗

Hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey there Paws 🐾 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other good people 😊

You're very sweet thinking that through and mentioning it thank you Paws very much.

I've told 2 besties and going to text another but think I'll hold until I know something with mil and in law family. I'll let my brother and sil know.

I'm thinking to ask a besty if I could stay that night. She would they both would if they can. The other lives further but could stay there too.

I really appreciate your mother hen hat Paws 🤗

Oh I know, those Kahlua chocs were beautiful and real Kahlua in them. Oh magnifico havent seen them for yrs. Some said they may not make them anymore. Seriously they need to wake up to themselves 😆

Hope your days been good lovely Paws ☺

Grandy I hope you've had a good day following your beautiful 🌅. 🗯 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🌹👽🌳🗝

[Ggrand]

Hey there beautiful Deebi.👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Paws..Thank you for explaining why dogs do that...Ebony is so clingy and affectionate..She does it to anyone with bare feet...You have such a lovely caring heart Paws.🐾..

Thank you for being here for Deebi and your beautiful support for both Deebi and me.. A special rose 🌹 for your loungeroom table..

How are you today.?...Deebi....

Thats good your on ground level...easier without walking or dancing up and down stairs...☺️...

Awe that’s okay Deebi...I know you remember..💖..

I really just popped in to wish you a good night precious friend..and will be back tomorrow to chat and absorb the beautiful sunshine that radiates from your heart....

Ahhh...If it’s BP honey...and beasty is hanging you...we will send it flying out your window..onto the sand then into the salty ocean water..then beasty will get hooked onto a ships anchour and be taken out to sea...

We again posted together at mine...😂I was again a split second before you..I’ll have to fix your 🏍 to be a bit faster...

Love you Deebi....💖🤗...

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (& a wave to all),

I’m glad you have some lovely friends here checking in on you & keeping you company 🙂

I feel your upcoming op must be on your mind a fair bit. I’m glad you are trying to organise post-op offline support. Hopefully, you’ll be able to stay at your friend’s place. I think Paws was very thoughtful to mention it, because managing alone might be a little challenging.

I read that you’re missing your late love again. I feel it must be hard... I know he’s always on your mind, but those feelings might be be more intense some days. I don’t think we ever truly stop missing loved ones....I think you always hold them in your heart, and your late Love has a particularly special place there.

Super soul hugs & much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and the other lovelies here..

How are you today and whatcha doing or going to do my sweet friend...We will all get you through this lovely lady..your in our hearts and have so many beautiful people who love you so so very much...💜....

Good girl..I’m proud of you for letting your beautiful mil and your loving brother know what’s going on....and your besty...It would comfort me so much knowing that you will have someone caring for you when you come out of hospital....poor darling I wish it was me....please honey if you feel to keep me/us updated on when you go iton hospital and everything else as well..

Your love would be so proud of you...My heart goes out to you missing him more at times....it’s times like this that makes us feel so much more alone....Believe me honey..that your soul and heart isn’t alone..I’m with you every step of the way in your life, through my soul and heart...wish it was awyip....(wiwawyip)....Theres not a day.or even an hour that you are popping into my thoughts.💖..

Ill pop over yours tonight and if it’s not too cold or windy we can buy some yummy fish, chips and old fashion scallops and sit on a blanket on the sand and eat them....and of course have our favourite drink afterwards...then we can sit and watch the end of the day, Then after we snooze 🛏 on the beach..We can also watch the beginning of a brand new day....

I hope today is a good day for you bbff...you’re safely tucked away in my heart....Love you dearest precious friend....please be okay..always....

Love and hugs beautiful people..💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🏍🦘🤝👀👂🐓🦜🦖👼🦄..

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Peppy ☘ and lovely people ☺
You're such lovely friends thank you very much for your beautiful support 🤗

Peppystar hi darl. Such lovely caring people here including you lovely friend ☺

Yes I asked a besty today which its ok and will ask the other too because I see her less often.

There are times it really does hit harder and lasted quite a while with my love but settling a bit again. True we never stop missing loved ones do we.

It is on my mind a fair whack hun but I really dont think I have cancer I'm too healthy but time will tell eh.

Darlin I am coming back to post and you're top of list I have read some but need to catch up and reply to a question when I last posted. Will get back lovely 🤗☘ Thanks Peps ☺

Hey gorgeous Grandy 🤗Always thank you for everything darlin.
Haha you're so lovely wishing me a good sleep. So cute and love absorbing the light ☺😚
Yes beasty can ahoy to the anchor. How funny we posted again at same time.

I'm good thanks lovey shopped and asked dear besty that took me home & we're lunching Sat so had a catch up today for a bit too.
She's beautiful love her very much like I do my Grandy 😀

No sweety I don't want to worry mil in case its not cancer which I dont think it is but we'll see.
Must text brother and other besty that we used to live with.
I'm going to ask other besty not sure if shes seen my msg yet she was away. (To stay over after hosp) if she cant todays one said all good.

Very comforting and beautiful what you said Grandz thanks so much. Wiwawyip absolutely. I get mad thinking about if one of us you know and we never saw eachother 😭

Yes these times does bring it home harder, we were always there for eachother.

Same not a day or hr honey. Thank you Grandz I'm also with you every step of your life. How beautiful you are 💖

Oh yes fosh chips scallops beach you and I loven it. I'll knit us a Queen jpined blanky so our furs can be warm to, the Knitting needles will be Red hot so can start a fire for us too.

You're safe in my heart too beautiful friend love you so much darl ☺😚🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🏍🏋️‍♀️🤸‍♀️

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Just calling in to wish you a good day today..and hope that your ultra sound goes okay....

Sorry honey I read wrong...about mil...how sweet you are not wanting to worry her....

You will be waking up in 2.5 hours....I hope you had a good relaxing sleep....

Brrrr..getting up early...One lovely positive is you will get to see the beautiful sunset to a new day being born...dress warm sweety..it’s going to be a long day for you...I’ll be sitting next you and holding on tight to you...Oh here you go honey...It’s a little fluffy pocket 🧸 companion..It’s my good luck companion...You can talk to Belinda Bear..She’s a very good listener..and will be a comfort for you...and give you little sparkles of glittery dust when you squeeze it...if you breathe deeply a few times the glittery dust (which smells Ike a rainforest and ocean together)....will give you a feeling of peace and calmness...as it plays beautiful relaxing sounds of birds,..trees blowing in the wind...rain as it falls into a gently flowing river....If you close your eyes...deep breathe a few times....you can here it....listen...and think of the birds 🦅 taking shelter under the leaves of the big tall trees..as the rain drops fall onto the leaves...and drip down to the earth....Love you dearest bbff...💖💜🤗...

I better go to bed now...I was watching the chase at 3pm....The English one....I closed my eyes during a commercial break..and woke up 5 hours later....😂..

Please honey...be okay today...Yadimh..Bpaly..awyis...

Love and hugs Deebi and all...🤗🤗💜💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🧸🤝👀🤝🦉🏍🦜🦉🌹..