Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Thank you for taking me with you on your beach walk..I enjoyed it so much...I love the feel of sand under my feet..especially if I kind of twist them in the sand it feels like a massage....I can sit for hours just looking at the ocean 🌊. It’s so peaceful...

It’s a different world under the water...I wonder if the fishies communicate with each other..or if they have a rodeo..some fishies might try to ride a sea horse.😂..and fall off....Just like the birds in the sky....the fish can go anywhere in the world they want to go..😂🤗..Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to just get a small glimpse of the underwater water world for real..not tv.. How relaxing to be able to watch the fishies swimming around in their natural environment....

Was the same now three winters with the smoke..but it’s okay..a fire inside is very nice and warm...but expensive...the cost of the wood they need would probably cost more then an air conditioner on heat or a radiant heater...I have both but prefer to rug up under a blanky..

Awe..honey..it’s hard with your love..I’m sorry..I miss mine deeply at times..and other times I get so overwhelmed with sadness with how he was...Love has no boundaries...Our love for them stays in our hearts forever..and their love for us keeps our soul warm...

I like potato 🥔 only chipped or baked....anything else I’ll pass on it...I’m having trouble going to bed tonight...I don’t want to..but I know I have too..and I will soon...just felt like saying hello to you...and I want to wish you a good sleep and a happy day today..(it’s early morning)..Please be okay always precious friend...and look after you..the way I would look after you..with gentleness, love and care...awyis...yadimh...lysvm..🌈💖..

Lots of tender hugs and love..bbff...sss...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...goodnight dearest friend..🌹🦄👼🌊🐉🔥🦉🦜🦘🐓🐻🤗.

[demonblaster]

Hi there dear Grandy ☺👩‍❤️‍👩 and anyone reading 🖐

What a beautiful way to start my day reading such a gentle lovely post.
One day beautiful lady my wish is you see what a dear beautiful person you are 🤗 Thank you bbff 🌹

You're very welcome for the beach walks I'm really enjoying them. There's very few days my hip/groin doesnt hurt but walking it eventually settles. I need to be very careful because back/hip is letting me know. I'm quietly hopeful it might settle but in reality maybe not cause my backs a mess.

Foots coping not too badly maybe it might settle oh I wish, its not extreme pain but was getting a bit serious on hills ages back but the risk of it getting worse so the flat walking may ease it. I'm keen to go daily I'll do shorter ones for a bit somewhere else maybe or might just rest up a bit.

A lady was doing that in the sand yesterday like you love doing. I usually wear joggers wary of whats in the sand & sometimes blue bottles galore.

I really like what you said about under the water and the birds Grandz. Yes I suspect fishies would communicate maybe in movement, whales do with sound. Did you know plants and trees do they give off a warning scent in danger amazing isnt it. Life is incredible.

I'm same just rug up but not your brrr temps. Love hopping into bed with flanny sheets and blankys so cosy and warm.

It's hard very hard losing love isnt it and a daily companion. True love has no boundaries. It does stay in our hearts.

Possibly a BP's stirring, woke early and took a bit to get back to sleep. Constant negative thoughts in bed it's hard to challenge them cause I'm semi conscious but they haven't got hold.

Thank you very much again for your beautiful friendship love and care. Same back sweetyheart always. You give so much light 😚

You have a great day too sweety

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🐻🤗⚘👼🔥🍃🌱

[demonblaster]

Hey darl I replied earlier its waiting moderstion 🤗🌹

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful friend...

Im keeping an eye 👁 on here...Thank you..love hearing from you...

I hope your okay and your day is a good one...💖..

You are constantly in my 💭 today..I woke up and immediately thought about you...wishing so much awyip...

Love you bbff...💖🤗..I was cleaning out my kitchen cupboards and found 3 Ferraro Roche chocolates...1 and a half each....oh go ahead honey 2 for you 1 for me...although I don’t know how long they have been there for😂.....I don’t think chocolate goes bad...or does it?..only way to find out is to eat them....

Pubaok...sss...Bpaly......yadim💖....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....👁💭👼🦄🔥🐉🦘....🎃✂️😂..

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

I thought I would pop in & sit with you while you wait for your gynaecologist appointment. 🤝 You can get some secret singing practice in while we wait & then you can surprise Grandy with how much gooder at singing you are 🤗. I won't join in because my mum used to say my singing sounded like a banshee calling & I think they might object if the waiting room filled with banshee's coming to my call.

Thinking of you lass, big hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws 🐾, and all🤗..

I hope today goes good for you honey..sending you all of my good luck that has been given to me....Im sorry that I’m running late in Wishing you well for today..,.

.I like it that Paws is a singer our my league..how good is that..

Don’t push yourself to walk to far or too much..I know how much it would be hurting..and poor honey when our footsies are hurting we are also hurting all over...for some reason footsie effects our whole body...big hugs honey🤗..

I found out that the minute I turn the radiant heater off..instant cold comes..under the blankets are warmer..you should see me walking around wrapped up in blankets...😂. I look like an alien 👽..and walk like one as well trying not to trip on them..😂😂..

Gee honey..I hope not BP..it hasn’t really been that long again...I know you like mania but the downs that follows isn’t good..🤗..

Thinking of you so much...please you be ALWAYS okay...love you dear friend....

Love and hugs..💖🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦘🦜👼🦄👽💭🐉🔥🦉👁.

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Paws and lovelies ☺🖐

Very sweet of you both thank you very much it's very comforting ☺

Left before lunch just home. Depending which way the bus goes an hr and half or 3/4's to get to this city. Nice scenery but I'm feeling quite tired.

Doc was very nice and said it's serious and doesnt want to muck around so I'm having an op within 2 wks. Could be cancer or a Polyp or ? The thickenings 8mm. So a hysteroscopy (oscopy is a look) and a couple of other routine procedures. So we'll wait and see.

It's on my mind but gut feeling says its not the big C.

Paws nothing at all wrong with Banshee calls 😅 and you've made Grandy very happy. It's the Grandeebis but if we have more people it's the GrandeeBBies so youre very welcome to join 🤗

Grandz you're so cute sharing the Rochers they're nice but not my fave lovey so I might pass thanks so much you're so kind though on the grounds I don't like them enough for a dose of ? Food poisoning 😂 you are so gorgeous

Thank you darlin for your care and compassion too 🤗

😅 love your Alien look 👽 remind me when I stay at yours lol. I might s ream doggies bark puddy tats cry out you'd scream then we'd all laugh.

I too hope not BP sneaking up again. I had strong cravings for a while so dunno. Haven't even had one.

Ok I'm going to blob for a while beautifuls.

Hope you guys are ok well better than just ok.

Love you Floss 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🗯🤝🐻🤗🌹🐾 Paws you're lovely thank you too very much 🌹

[Paw Prints]

Dear DB,

Blobbing sounds like a good idea lass. Not the best news, glad they are acting quickly for you. You will have it on your mind until you know for sure, so if you find you need to chat at any time happy to listen.

Snuggle up on the couch & blob away

Lots of hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Deebi...I’m sorry honey...If there was a way I could..I would tell the surgeons to push a bed next to yours so I can hold onto your hand and just be their for you.....then look after you so good when you back home...Hurts deeply that I can’t and that you will be on your own after you get home from operation.😢..

They come along honeyheart in medicine...and treatment not sure on polyps..will google search it..I’m praying so hard that you will be okay...I need you..Please try hard not to stress/think about until after...Please anytime at all..talk here if your stressing out or get over anxious....We’re all here for your honey...

Whats your favourite indulgence chocolate Deebi?...They are not my favourite either..but a chocolate found is the best chocolate at the time😂😂..My favourite chocolate are the ones that look like liquor bottles and are filled with liquor..mmmm hard to get now though....club put out a coffee flavoured dark chocolate..that was scrumptious as well.....

Deebi...I hope you enjoy your blobbing...sounds good to me...after your finished..please have something to eat if you haven’t....and stay warm...please look after you dear friend.....

Ill be over later tonight to check on you....All my eyes 👀, and ears👂 are on your place..L💖VE Y🤗U...around the 🌎 and back....wish I could be awyip...especially now precious friend.....

Love and hugs 💖💜🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹👼🦄.....🌜🌲⛓👭🌛..💖

[demonblaster]

Beautiful people ☺🤗

Paws thank you so much. It is on my mind but it's wasted stress and energy until I know what the go is. Hard not to consider the possibility which is ok because if it is then I'll be more prepared don't think so though.

Absolutely love you saying lass 😀 same when I hear you talking to Grandy it's so warming and again a security in it.

Thank you very much for your kind great support ☺🤗

Hey beautiful wow do I awyip too big time. It's times like this it feels a bit lonely doesnt it 😢

Just a couple of tears popped out. I miss him so much 💗

I have to finish the paperwork and have another scan ultrasound. He doesnt want to muck around but I had this previous scan Oct '18. Anyway what'll be will be.

I love you saying things like that, getting a bed next to mine a d I never forget the MRI I told Mil besties and probably others too 😊

Grandy thank you sweetyheart 🤗

Blue pkt Tim tams, Arnotts mint slice Maccas double choc sundae 😂 I'm going to need to extend the character count LOL. Oh oh Maxi Bon dont think thats the name they're lovely. Sounds good the coffee choccy just your type hun ☺ A found choccy the best 😆 so true. Ohhh they were Kahlua choccies OMG bliss bombs they too are hard to get. Yes liquour ones very nice.

I need you too Grandy you have no idea how much you fill my life with love light and security. You're in my thoughts often daily. Love you very much sweetyheart 🤗😙

Thank you for being so beautiful. Both of you. All of you matter and touch my heart.

🌹

You ok darlin?

Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🌹🎃👽✂️👀🤝🗯🌲🌳🗝