Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Paw Prints]

Dear DB,

Definitely take no increase in size as good news. As to the rest leave thinking about it all til tomorrow, time enough then. You have had such a big day, go on oft to bed early lass & sweet dreams

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi...

Thats fantastic new that it’s not increased...I’m pleased they are keeping an eye on you honey....Try as hard as you can to put your trust into your professionals...I think if we do that we can be less stressful over our body...

Umm sweety....Do you think it’s wise to ask dr Google?...I don’t for me because it says things that mostly only Drs understand and makes things seem worse then they are..then health anxiety can start being another part of beasty that hasn’t shown itself to you as yet....Please honey be careful if you do dr google it....

Big deep breathes precious friend...come on a few times...in...hold..relax...🌈💖...

Deebi...I hope your psych visit was okay this morning...Yes sweetyheart..It’s a big decision to make for you...going onto new meds...that’s okay Deebi...take your time to decide...it’s your choice honey...no one else’s...so please don’t let anyone decide it for you..🤗..take your time...

Paws is right honey...off to bed early and hopefully you get a really restful deep peaceful sleep...love you dear friend...

Love and hugs everyone...💜🤗..Please take gentle care of yourself....🌈💖🌹..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼🍫🏍...cu tomorrow...umm..ttyt.(talk to you tomorrow)...

[demonblaster]

Hi Paws Grandy and readers ☺

Paws that was very comforting what you said thank you very much 🤗 and for your support you're very appreciated.

Yip happy its not bigger this guy thought it was but checked apparently they're saying same size.

I hope you're feeling better ☺

Grandy darlin 🤗 hey sweety I nearly logged back on last night to thank you for the lovely pot of coffee with Peps Lemon drizzle yum so sweet thank you 😊

You're right I shouldnt have googled, didnt like anything I saw, thats ok I'll ask when I see her soonish.

Did some deep breathes with you gorgeous 💨 loved your puffing chasing the transport 😆

Was the skype psych last night he resent info on the meds. One lot put on weight & risky to kidney & liver the other one not liking a side effect at all. He said I can think about & he cant force me.

I've tried twice asking for other diagnosis hes said both times its the BP we need to get under control so doubt I'll be able to get other diagnosis which I'd like.

Don't know what to do actually. Prefer not to med. If I decide no just have to let them know. Thanks Grandz what you said too. Both very comforting 😊

Been sleeping most of the day was very tired.

Thank you lovely people 🤗✊

Cu darlin and ttyt or l for later 😚

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🚲✨🤜👿🤛💨🚲💼🚜🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...

Its so nice hearing from you....I had a feeling today you would have slept a lot after yesterday’s long day.....🤗🤗..and remember Deebi it’s okay to sleep...I was naughty last night..I didn’t want to bed..I took my sleeper at 12.30am...and slept until 11.30ish....😂😂....tonight I’ll bed earlier..

Thats okay about dr google..please honey....don’t think on it...I noticed most with health anxiety use dr google a lot...I really don’t want that to happen to you☺️....

BP...is atm the most important one to be able to manage...once thats done then maybe they diagnose any other mh illnesses you have...I’m praying hard that you don’t have anymore...but if you do sweetyheart we will manage that together as well.....

I don’t like the sounds of the side effects they told you about....Hmmm hard decision....I feel your physical body needs to be cared for as well as your mh...No matter what you decide beautiful bbff..I’ll be walking right there next you holding you tightly and we can do it together....

Oh I had a good workout chasing the community transport...pufff pufff...still getting over it...Oh btw I borrowed your new 🏍 and put some bright pink and purple streamers on the handle grips and a bell 🛎 I found from Betty’s grand daughter...now your set...ummm until I think of something else...I want you to have the best looking bike I can make for you.....

Please be okay always Deebi...if you need me or your other beautiful friends we are not far away by cyber space...

Love you dear friend..I hope your doing okay today and keeping beasty a long way away from you...lysvm.. awyis.. sss..yadimh....always..🌈🌹💖..

Big love and sound hugs 🤗💜..Deebi and all...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🏍🛎🦆💨🍫🦄👼

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

I think that’s a tough decision. I understand you have both pros and cons to weigh up. As a friend, I’ll support whatever decision you make 🙂

I feel it can be understandably frustrating when your psych is focused on one particular thing, but you want something else done. I wonder, have you asked why your psych thinks getting your BP under control is (currently at least) a higher priority than exploring your other struggles? I’m assuming he must have his reasons.

Maybe if he explained them in more detail, you would find some peace of mind? Perhaps you could even write to him, asking for a more thorough explanation and asking if one day, you learn to effectively manage your BP, whether he would then be willing to explore your other struggles with you or not...just a little idea 🙂

I hope the sleep helped a little. The exhaustion must be rough...

Supersoul hugs and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Peps ☘& readers ☺

Grandz can't believe how much I'm sleeping. Glad you had a big one. Hope you're feeling ok. Today you have ww. Thoughts beautiful 🤗

I think beasty can keep health anxiety I didnt like what I saw for elevated Red cells but I'll ask doc and see what happens.

Yip not at all keen on the side effect & I havent read the rest, he told me of that one and had before too. It's why its best taken at night. Thank you being there for me Grandy love you and your beautiful solid friendship 💜🤝

Oh you wanna see the streamers they look great & the 😅 bell it's so cute 😆🏍 you're very good with your mechanic profession 🏅how you keep up I'll never know.

Very comforting thank you darlin about if I need a friend you lovelies are here. I know I havent been for others for a while not that I dont care, I do very much

You Pbok2 bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 love you very much ✨😇🏍🚜🤝

Hey Peppystar thank you always for your support too lovely friend 🤗

Psych said because a lot of other conditions overlap with BP and when thats under control a lot of other things should settle.

It is a hard decision. Whats swaying me slightly is I'm starting to cope better at times. Dunno girls.

I know a lot of my sleeping is not doing things but also tired often. Was very yesterday.

Hope you're well darlin I will get back to you near future huns.

Lol at the drizzle cake oh Peps beautiful Grandy shared it with me so I gave her an extra hug 😄 and 2 of your choccys that fell out of your emporium 😂 she's so sweet. You too lovely lady 🤗☘

Thank you lovely friends 💗

[Paw Prints]

Dearest DB,

Dr Google always seems to show the worst possible, please ignore it & don't feed beasty. Hard I know but please please try. Your dr will have a far more realistic idea of where you are with your red blood cells. I've had blood tests that showed something way too high & repeating the test showed me within range, so it might turn out just be a blip, or just something that needs to be watched.

As to taking meds, that is completely up to you lass, of course I will support whatever you decide. Remember it's not binding for ever, whatever your choice now, you can always change it later if it doesn't work out or if your circumstances change.

Hope you have had a good day today

Hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello a beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Good to hear honey that your going to trust your Drs with asking them questions about your health.....Good girl was nice hearing that beasty can keep its health anxiety....

Hard choice isn’t it with meds...take your time beautifulheart...it’s a choice that takes time..and only you can make...💖....your choice can be changed at anytime...Please try hard not to stress over a decision the right one will be the one you select....

Im pleased you like the streamers....and bell 🛎....

Love you dearest bbff.....💖🦄🌈...pubaok.. yadimh..awyis.....Please.....

I think I stood in the wind for too long today and my words were blown away....silly mind...hate it when my words run away...and I can’t think.😠...bbl...

How are your physical and mental health doing today?....

Love and hugs beautiful friend and everyone else...💖💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹🦄👼

[demonblaster]

Hey Paws 🐾 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 & readers 😊

Thank you both very much for your support 🤗

I'm thinking I might stay where I am and not take the other meds. True I can change my mind later

It's early days pulling out of BP. I owe it to myself for a lifetime of intermittent deepest wicked pain to learn to handle it and keep the mania its too precious to give up.

Paws it was 2 recent blood tests but thanks cause that could have been the case otherwise.

And for standing by me as Grandy and Peppy too, very much appreciated re new meds or not.

Hope your day was good too 😊🐾🤗

Hello gorgeous friend 🤗

Thanks darl yip beasty shares too much [IT xx] can keep that.

You're so gorgeous, thats ok hun I know at times it just doesnt happen, anything you say is lovely, love & deeply appreciate your company & friendship 👩‍❤️‍👩

Physical not too bad thanks lovey atm and same mh not too bad. Lovely time with besty and being out.

I want to do some more walking and must get this weight off.

Also stop the excessive sleeping jeepers tho didnt sarvo.

Get into the art again and do things.

Love you Mrs Besty 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜😇👀🤝🍋🍰

Thank you lovely people 😊🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.. Hi, lovely 🐾 and gentle Peppy🍀

I hope today is a good day for you....You’re right honey...the meds can be changed at any time..I’m pleased you have made a decision about whether or not to take.....well done Deebi....I choose what ever you choose honey....🤗hugging you now..🤗🤗..

Im off for another walk to Betty’s this afternoon...she wasn’t home yesterday....so I decided a little walk would be good...it’s 1000 steps to the highway and back to mine...if I do that 10 times each day that’s my 10,000steps....😂😂wishful thinking...on my part....Deebi..their is a step counter app...I downloaded it from play store...only thing is your phone has to be in a hip pocket☺️..Maybe you could try it..it’s just called pedometer step counter and is blue with a white foot.....it’s puts your steps into hours, minutes, and says calories burnt....Just a thought honey...what works for one might not work for another...

What you doing today honey...Sounds Good you wanting to get into your art and other things...as well as walking...just littles at a time precious bbff...until your back and foot let’s you do more....please sweety...listen to them when they are hurting...🌈💖🤗..

I hope you have a good day today bbff....it’s still very windy here...we are expecting... 🥁 drum roll... 🌧 tonight..only 0.5 of a mil...but hey fingers crossed they are wrong and it pours...my front yard looks like a desert... 🐪 🌵...I have the cactus..just a little one..😂😂all I need is a camel 🐫 now.😂😂😂.i couldn’t stop laughing imagining me on a camel...😂😂 going into town...bumpity bump..up and down..and the look on the passing motorists😂😂🐪🐫🌵..

I hope your day is a good day beautiful sss..please pubaok..awyis..yadimh.. lysvm..🌈💖💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Your in my 💭 and in my 💖...really do lysvm...not just words..

Love and hugs everyone..💖💜🤗🤗..enjoy your day the best you can...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🦄👼🌹🏍🛎🤣👋🌷..