Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

Your not taking your meds to help you sleep or for pain is worrying me. Even if you think the pain is bearable it will impact on your ability to have a good sleep (as I have been told by umpteen Drs). I know you want to be able to manage going to sleep without meds, but can I suggest perhaps you might be better off setting a guide for taking them. What I'm thinking is, for example, you do your usual going to bed routine, then if you are still awake 15-20 mins after going to bed you take the sleepers. This way your body gets into the habit of a bed time/sleep time which should then make it easier in the long run to get off to sleep without help.

Of course I should confirm that riding dragons & playing amongst the stars can be done without affecting bedtimes as Grandy's magic dust means that how ever long you play you always arrive back home just a few seconds later than when you left.

Gentle hugs

Paw Prints

[demonblaster]

Hey lovelies 👩‍❤️‍👩 🐾 and all ☺

Are we there yet 😊

Both you beautifuls awesome posts seriously thank you.
Paws hun are you a hugger? If not I'll still hug you, was just wondering 😆

Floss 🤗 no way hun..that was a fantastic trip seriously LOVED every bit and you worded it so well and heaps of variety it was another 😀 I'm like a big kid reading them the huge smile doesn't leave Truth. And this one heaps of 😂 They wouldn't tell me why they were wearing tinsy wee widdle Black lens glasses...now I know. Roight ... here on my lap right now! Come on!....you haven't had a hug for 2.3 seconds and nooo you can't bring your little mice with youse. Grandz total Gold 🏅
How good is my Rainbow Rose absolute 🦄 thank you darlin and the beautiful comments.
But dayam she's good. It's fun too isn't it 🤗

Wow I've believed you for a while now. It's so beautiful to have a genuine love and an amazing growing friendship Grandy. So much security and seeing you nearly daily is such a buzz. What fantastic times we have in so many ways and the support. That love went straight in and glowed, mean it precious 💜 back atcha precious.

Annoying the crackle isn't it. I like the fabric ones.

Loved that thanks Grandz I breathed with you I held for 6 and did the 7.

I'll have a squiz sometime Grandz they sound good thx. Sleep songs.

Sounds about right about the 3rd eye.

It's good when they land I had same last night. So happy it landed. I saw it earlier and wanted to reply but had to charge this then I was an age at Doolsys. Happy I nearly have another affirmation post and a new technique worth a go.

Specials Monday, MHw and Mindspot starts. They rang GP seeing thurs I was going to see her anyway to get some bombs for sleep & for headaches man had a few intermittently today bearable but close to bang bang this morning it woke me

Not sure think I may have said it was/is a small back out. Wonder if discs wearing away one side but I can straighten at least. Been ok diet today. Gotta get it off with breaks for load of reasons.

Paws darl thank you for a beautiful post you have an excellent written word compassion and wisdom.

No lovey I have to take them just mostly I try without for a while. Even with, get BA sleep. I'm ragged but coming down again. Holding but beasties playing

Great humour 😂 nice touch with the ☄

Thanks girls heaps 🌜👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌛A🗯 🤝 🐾🐉🦋

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

You certainly have a busy week coming up 🙂 But I suppose it’s a good thing for you to get back into the swing of things. I hope Mindspot goes well. That’s new for you, if I remember correctly?

I’m very happy to hear that you have been managing to eat better. Great work there!

Thank you so very much for your support, love and care. You have an innate and powerful capacity to care and to love...it really does show...I’m very grateful for your friendship 🙂

I hope you manage to get a more sleep tonight...

Super soul hugs and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautifulheart...

Im extremely pleased that your starting Mindspot on Monday...and so very proud of you for doing the course..Do you know which course your doing?...I know you will benefit from it..Your very intelligent and will understand it more then I did.,,

Awe Deebi, Thank you saying you liked the story..Geez..beautiful words, big smile while your reading them..Thank you so much...💜🤗...

As Our gentle Peepy said..you have a busy week this week...Please sweetyheart take things easy this week...I’m sorry about your poor 🤕 and your sore back...

Please Deebi, I said on mine..no need to reply..please...more then anything else, rest your poor bod and tired mind all you can..Your coming down and that’s so very hard to do...superglued and tied with a ribbon 🎀 I’ll not let go of you..🤝..ever... 🤝👀🤝👂👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I hope you didn’t mind me using the 🔑 I just wanted to check on you..I moved your hair away from your eyes..awe so cute they were closed as you sleep comfortably...D&E are so cute..ones curled up on the top or your pillow, the other is curled up and leaning on your back...they are making a tiny whistle sound as they sleep...I took a picture with my memory phone if that’s okay...good memories can also be from fantasy...

please be gentle and kind to you beautifulheart...Your very important, loved and cared for so much by lots of people here and in real life...Loves deep 💜💜..beautifulheart..Pubaok.. awyis.. lysvm..yadimh..🌹🎀🔑👀🤝👂🔦💭💼🤣🎁🚂..

Thankyou for being you...

Love and hugs 💜💜🤗..everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🤝👀👂 🐄🍫🌈🎀🔦🏡

[demonblaster]

Hey Peppystar 🍀Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all 🙂 Thank you lovelies for your support 🤗

Girls I'm really looking forward to Mindspot. I like CBT too.
Not sure Peppy if you know my recent very good new psych’s finishing up (CBT) I missed a lot of appts but in the few I learnt a lot. Applying's still very slow or unintentionally doesn't happen but I'm starting to chip away at no motivation. I haven't got past level 3 on insight timer (free meditation learning app) It's good. I'll get back to it sometime. Cherish the day thoughts turn into action 😊
2 meds and still only a few hrs sleep Peps
Thanks that’s really lovely what you said. Ditto re friendship 🙂
Hope you’re having some lighter times lovely. Soul 🤗

Grandz 🙂 Yesterday & now you wouldn’t believe how long it's taken doing 2 posts for here. Several hrs, broken records 😂 had some breaks. Yesterday while I was trying to on Doolsys thread I ended up with the new positive affirmation word so got the post up & nearly finished that. If I hadn’t tried I may not have got another one. Possibly that, words at yours lately, mania, mindset & reading some posts on bb has contributed to my BP update. bbs

You’re a beautiful soul 💜 thank you for those lovely comments darlin. It’s an 8 wk course. She did say but memory atm.
I really want to get fully diagnosed it frustrates me because I'm fairly sure of a few more. Sure on cptsd anxiety in BP dependent ? unsure about BPD & think traits of ADHD. Not only to know but I can research more & it's easier to work on. Convos with MH/medicals easier. I think she said they can only go with what’s diagnosed. I remember anxiety & ? 2 others. I'll let you know 🙂
And when talking to people if I know then they can learn about MH issues & for understanding me more.

Do you/anyone know Grandz how many free psychiatrist visits (?4) and do they eat into the MHCP Can't remember. It's June now & I haven’t got a new psychologist yet which will be after MS (Mindspot) if the name I've got bulk bill from go.

You’re so true to your word Grandy 🤗 you’ve NEVER left my side. I’m forever grateful & bb & the amazeballs community. I want to be there for you too in your hards especially. I'm making some progress with not so much urgency and that it's ok to not post straight away to people.
Early mania posts are quicker, that word one you mentioned didn’t take too long.
Loved the moving my hair and checking on me gorgeous thank you 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I know you will do good and find any course you do very beneficial to you...You Understand CBT...very well...One day I will as well..I hope🤗..

I can believe very easily about posts taking hours..Same with me a lot of times when down...sometimes I’m hours doing one, because sometimes a brick wall stops my thoughts from forming words..

Last time I was here, the Drs added Melancholy depression to my long list of mh achievements...😂😂..Maybe this time another one added as well...I can only wait and see....

Im not sure about the psychiatrist visits..I know I had a lot more then 4 free visits in one year and no it didn’t come off my MHCP..as far as I know that’s seperate from psychiatrist....but I’m never sure of what I say ..I’m hoping someone else will know...

Its okay beautifulheart, I’m fine...I’m going to bed soon..Please Deebi...you be okay always..that means so much to me that you are okay...Love you dearest friend....💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤝👀👂...A beautiful 🌹 for a beautiful friend..

Good night lovely lady...sweet dreams...and I’m wishing you a lovely day out tomorrow with your mhw.....big caring hugs 🤗🤗..

Love and hugs everyone...💜💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🐕🐩...🐆🐅....🌹🌹..

[demonblaster]

Sleep well beautiful , that's right I remember now at one stage ages ago they were thinking Melancholy depression poor darling,Thanks for saying. cause I want to know your achievements 😄 you're a crack up. Love ya to bits. So another one too darlz maybe too much fun eh. At least then you know where you're at and you're really good doing research and learning.

I've got most of the other post but honestly I've been here all day but have fluffed around other places but once it took 4 hrs for reading and posting and I was haggard. Today I think I came here about lunchtime so literally hrs but in the process which is pretty neat I'm clearer again so ? mania or maybe something just clicked into place.
So tomoz

Oh IV'e been doing more with BV and don't know if you remember .July from therer she's doing that member thing which sorry just when I was saying I'm clearer 😜
Oh have you heard of Udemy it's a learning site or something I'll tell you more tomoz .I ☎the friend I was telling u about again, She was great & started telling me about Udemy. One of their teaching courses does CBT depression and anxiety,I learnt more about thought challenging from her to day and that's when she said about there but MS (mindspot) first. Want to see what you thingk about it. I had a squiz looks ok.

No day sleep but I'll catch up eventually.

Thanks a million darls. Look after you too sweetyheart if you need a break here that's ok just pubAok. I hope your bodies holding up ok. Mine apart from the usual nasties came a lot better overnight so that's good, hips still sore but eased off a bit & backs settled a lot still that angle though on getting up. Maybe cause of the out dunno.

The myogenic jerks waking you poor thing thank goodness they don't hurt eh cause yours sound way worse than mine but I also noticed all of my twitches came on very strong and had a couple of the tummy ones when I was I think struggling a bit, can't even remember which is fine but how I've been going in this one the days before yesterday and today. Really tired but not. Oh well

Night lovey 🙂 thanks Grandy you're such magic
👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌱☎🗯🖼👁‍🗨👜

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

How did you find the start of the Mindspot course?...and how did your out shopping? or ? Go with your mhw guy...

The Drs put my ADs up second night I was in here and I’m sure that’s made the myogenic jerks worse then the usual one I have...I have mentioned to my psychiatrist today..and he has reduced back to before I came in....Hopefully they will go back to Usually jerks and not the volcanic 🌋 activity ones😳....

No I haven’t heard of umedy...Your right beautifulheart one course at a time.....Or too easy to mix the courses together..I think before long Deebi will graduate from nurse⛑ Deebi...to professor 🧐 Deebi...your want of learning is high sweet friend...

Go very easy on your back, hip, neck, foot, arm poor darling...Once I’m outta here I’ll come over to yours and play with the puddy tads while you finish cleaning..😊...Nah...only joking beautiful..if I could and knew where to go..I would be doing the cleaning and looking after you....not even a second thought...😚🤗...

No the myogenic jerks don’t hurt on their own..I think it depends where they decide to do their stuff....I am unlucky and they seem to get me anywhere on the body, other people can have localised same area all the time...

First thing I do when I get released from here..is to buy a pumpkin..some carrots..celery...and garlic.....Can you guess why .😁... ?

Sleep as much as you need to sleep lovely one....The more sleep the better in recovery....love you dear friend...🌹💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗...

Love and hugs..💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹🍫🤝👂⛑🌈🐅🐆🐕🐩.

[demonblaster]

Hey there beautiful bbff Oh Mr/Sir (I don't call many Sir) would be stoked I just atm anyway can't get my icons working on PC 😜 ahaa bad luck Croixy man 🤗

Thanks for dropping by lovely 🤗 It was all really good, I started convincing myself last night I need to catch up on sleep, feeling wayyy too awake for the bits I've had over the last few days & little or no nanny naps lately but I did lay down one day maybe dozed. I love these guys so went & really enjoyed it.

Woke earlyish still & needed a sleeper last night but got about 7 hrs I think solid. Boom. Amazing how long we can go. Thing is so much activity atm it pumps me back up. There's a new bloke and his concentration is very poor so I worked out a couple of ways to get him focused which made a tiny dif, so I can work on that. Such a buzz. I have to be careful because I'm a touchy as in affectionate, I try to read carefully and he was fine all the way because I have to for that activity but suddenly he lifted his arm to stop me so I I pulled back and apologised straight away, he was fine. Only seen him twice so far.
MHW was great as always, and when I'm in BP man he's good well anytime. No judgement listens so well and manages to keep up with me cause my convos as in plural were all over the shop. And forgetting where I was often but clear today compared to yesterday and day before.

This morning on waking I realized I was starting to go down so pulled up by registering it's beasty talking, and reiterated that I'm going to get through and be ok. Trying to think positives as much as po. I'll post yesterdays other part in a tic.

You always make me 😃 love the professor...WHAT!!! you don't know I am already 😂 Thanks for that intelligent comment and Peps and others it's very uplifting.

Grandz ditto I'd be there in a flash & you'd have the key for real if in rl you'd always be welcome, love it when you come. Actually D&E were asking after you, not that I"m jealous...MUCH...but looks like you'll be the family..,member of the mth. Don't mind me if go and sulk a while 😁

Thanks for you advice, I'm still unsure about 😺 friend because she maintains different to what I"m sure about but she's being a real gem and helping and I don't feel there's a threat or anything like that, she's amazing.

Good girl hope you get an awesome flavoured one like I have atm.

Love you so much and so hope you're doing ok or as good as you can. Jumped in to say hi I'm just starting it now MS.

🙋‍♀️👩‍❤️‍👩💜

[demonblaster]

This is part of what took me an age so some repeats but I'll post it
I ☎ my Cat 😺 friend (Catty not Cathy 😜) she’s so kind she asked on a 1-10 scale where am I. I thought hard. Said 4 but not sure if I said not the deep depression tho but at that time I was struggling. There’s been bits,She’s maintaining what I might,But don’t think I’m wrong about so I’m limiting some chat which I have but she’s been a fantastic help so I might call but it's hard to call anyone in those times. She gave me the info to help but I’ll do MS (mindspot) first and her log in details to go in which was good of her. No hurry at all but whatdo you think cause I’m pretty sure but not 100% now if she’s who I thought or maybe I got it wrong but there were several good reasons to think she is, Dunno

BOOMER BREAKING NEWS!!! (BBN)
Good evening 😎and thank you for tuning in to BBN TV. I’m Sandra Sullyblaster.
The highly sought after Demonblaster reportedly in last nights and todays bed/bad thoughts scenarios has been NOT .. I repeat not & also today but slightly harder feeling the emotions from the nagging memories…Hope it lasts but
even if it doesn’t stay cause I haven’t come down yet tho not in high mania more the dreggs it’s a taste of how it can be. HOPE

Soz Grandz forgot to thank you for that about psychiatrist, no I don’t think they do affect the MHCP actually now that I’m clearer.

Today (Mon) I saw a couple of my other specials from another group big 🤗 Had a gently straight forward word to one he apologized. Tell ya later was very funny but average too. I know he respects and loves me so all good

A lot of stuff that goes on in my head I forget or get sidetracked that's a given let alone in these times so when I'm talking to someone often half of what I need to says gone. I'm coping better with the stress but my god it's strong and since the anxiety attack I remember that mutt. This morning I had grr inside tension feeling out of sorts but that's gone.

OK I'm going to try to do mindspot asap so it doesn't build up and add to stress & I want very much to do anything. ENOUGH already 🙂

Cya beautiful god I wish we could do rl makes me grr & so terribly sad I mean that. I want to be there for you too Grandz.

My bodies still not great & I didn't over work my arm but I have to, the muscle is deteriorating in my arm. So glad it's all happening soon.

L&C so much xx thank you everyone. Amazing bunch ((X))