Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[startingnew]

Hey db

I sorry to hesr your not doing so well. It might be a slump but either way we are here for you.

I glad youve been having a good time. You need the good things in life too ❤❤

Let it out db. Just let it out. Let the tears flow. The the words come out. Im hearing you and listening to whatever you want to say ❤❤❤

Hugs ❤❤ heading for a sleep now

[demonblaster]

Hope you get a good sleep, makes the world of dif with mental health.

thanks darl, you are appreciated too xx

Been out amongst it with SIL been good, mental health day off again in a tic

[startingnew]

i cant sleep db, too scared to tbh.

mental health is often a cycle isnt it and comes unexpectedly. your strong enough though, i believe in you

hugs xoxox

[demonblaster]

Get it but sleeps vital esp when we're down it carries stress, think it's adrenalin when we're tired to try & give us a boost and if it's not used is dangerous. Needs an outlet.

Yeah this'll pass. Pretty average but ok, can laugh too

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

There seems to be a lot happening in your corner.

It must have been very disappointing that things didn’t work out with this guy. I think rejection almost always hurts. I feel that even the most resilient amongst us have moments of fragility and pain...part of being human.

Yes, you do have a lot of love to offer- a compassionate and passionate soul. Hopefully your “someone” is out there...

I know you’re extremely worried about Starwolf. You care deeply for her and have shared much of your life with her. Your words to her are very moving...she has walked with you during many important milestones and difficult times in your life. That is priceless...your friendship.

Sending love and more soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

Sorry, I forgot to say thank you for your message of reciprocity and mutual support. It speaks volumes about you as you still want to support me even though you have your own pain. You’re a beautiful and generous person.

I’m managing even though I have been struggling to find the words when it comes to talking about me. To self preserve, I’ve spent more time alone and less time with friends, etc in the offline realm. Retreated into a cone of silence or to an extent anyway.

Sending comfort and gratitude,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Depression does that sweetheart it wants us to feel like shit and be alone, any way it can pull us down, how can this be part of us we don't wanna feel this way so why, It's a separate identity, talking with Starwolf and I'd started seeing it as separate helps not go with it.

It's too easy to go down aye.

Do you think you can beat this? cause you can, it's our thoughts we respond to

I know what you mean about talking, suicidal teens I couldn't, didn't know how to explain, now you can't shut me up but better this way, it's an out. People that care can get an idea, usually talk when I'm between cycles of how hard it is. It is hard when you're so low to express verbally anyway, I cry a lot

You can let go here Peps you know that aye, you've got a lot of love you give and deserve it, I'm feeling very deeply towards you, thanks so much for your support friendship and comfort,the more I hear you the more I care. You're a beautiful person too with so much rot going on and you too support others, you're a real darl x

[Mathy]

Hey DB,

Sorry to hear your thoughts about the guy, often we become collateral damage in other people’s lives.

You are indeed a very worthy person, with much to give - gr8 sense of humour. And very compassionate as well. You give smiles to others, yes ?

Big hugs to you, take care, cheers M 🙂

[demonblaster]

Thanks Mathy yeah not a major with bloke thought maybe but nah interest, he didn't lead me on or anything. Think it's biggly need, empty void, lot of love like us all want that again

Yeah make people happy, life's better & easier when people are happy aye

Peps darl post hasn't landed yet but did reply yesday xx

Rock STAR or the wolf as Mathy said (Y) One of my earliest thoughts on waking. You.
I've seen thumbs up here n there, trouble
with not knowing who's doing it, hoping it's you
Missing you like you wouldn't believe
Wish I knew where you're at
Anyway not going anywhere

[startingnew]

My special lady ❤ i want to be here just as much as you are for me. And before you say 'tou dont have to' i know i dont HAVE to but i WANT to. Despite not having too much to say please know that i care very much for you. Helping others and that includes you helps me in a way. Takes away from my own feelings and thoughts and puts them to good use. As you said its not about finding answers right now its about surviving so im surviving and your one of those survivors so ill read through here and see where i can learn-hope you dont mind-

I know your missing rockstar but im sure she will pop in when she can. She could be working some magic on her self or possibly some newbies here and there to escape her own issues too. Shes very clever and she knows her stuff.

Soul hugs. Feel the love DB many care for you here not just me. As an extra special token as i dont do it for many i will send one of my butterflies to come and sit with you and i can watch over you from that way too and with that i hope you see some butterflies flying around.

Big soul hugs, gebtly holding your hand as you get through your difficult phase too ❤❤❤