Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hey there White, thanks very much I'll have a squiz sometime.

Yeah I seem to be sleeping a lot these days and not in BP recovery but all good mostly thanks
Big changes going on in my head lately pos in life I think too somewhere along the line, not sure though

Hope you're ok too

[demonblaster]

RockStar you're never far from my mind.

How are you?

It's serious isn't it?

[startingnew]

Hey special Lady, your most welcome.


I know, I hate being helpless towards others and since she means lot to you itll be affecting you a lot more. She means a lot to me too esp since shes been with me since the start when I first told my story. Im not much help there except that im hearing you and im with you and with Star in spirit.


You know here is safe and non-judemental place where you can talk about anything.... we are here to support you but I understand the hesitations you have in regards to talking about somethings too.
You want to live rather than exist so.... make some changes that allow you to live and not survive. Its easier said than done though but you dont have to leave your 'old' life behind just start living and doing the things you want to do.
You have feelings for someone? As in like 'crushing' or wanting a relationship or just in a friendship way?
I like a woman atm but she is way off limits. Shes married so the mind will get over that but deep down I know those feelings exist and might just transfer to someone else.

this proabably isnt helping you, if im way off track you will say something wont you

[demonblaster]

Thx Starts yeah you're on right track. Think there's mutual but bit tricky atm. Time will tell.

Yeah that's exactly how I feel bout StarWolf, she's been with me here right from the beginning, I always am so pleased to see her posts and always read anything she posts here of course and on other threads. love how she says stuff and what she says. So much wisdom and care.
Such an inspiration and survivor, she's taught me so much.

I'm sad and worried about you Star (Rock). Shining Star (( xx ))

You're a beautiful person Starts thankyou xxx

[startingnew]

they say time is our friend DB but i fint it works both ways too. lets hope over time the mutual feelings continue to get stronger and not drfit apart.

yes Star is very much an inspiration, not only to you and me but to many others im sure. the thing with her wisdom and strength is she can use that on herself too. she has taught many members valuable lessons, but shes also had to learn them herself and while im sorry that has happened and she had to learn that way shes a lion. a very strong brave lion.

how are you going otherwise? pain wise? energy wise? lows/highs rollercoastery whatever you want to talk about that your comfortable with

hey star, itll be really good to hear from you though i understand the limitations. just know that we care and love you here, for you. not just what you have to offer but for you as a person. soul hugs to you too xoxox

[demonblaster]

Great post hun, yeah Star a lion, like that Starts. You spoke really well there

Thanks darl for asking, yeah pains all settled, seeing Pain specialist in Nov, ouch doesn't bulk bill, ya get frig all back. See him about my neck and back. Both a big mess, both breaking down, bulging discs but atm all pain's good thanks sweet. God unbelievable how strong it is phooo glad to be free atm of it all.

Sleeping a lot lately but had about 5 mths of continuous rough health, most could handle but not the neck and back so maybe that dunno.

Moods good thx, giving up durries, few tears here and there but overall good darl, stoked got through last long BP without too much downs, gave myself a firm talking to and said NAH not having it. Mental pain, stuck with it and worked. Might be a turning point. Hoping so.

Mwah lovely people, thankyou for time, listening and caring

Rock ((( xx ))) many thoughts, major care

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

It certainly is a very emotional time for you. It sounds like a lot of transitions are underway for you; I think they’re generally never racking and can shake your very core.

I’m glad the downs haven’t been getting to you too much and that you’re managing them. I also hope this is a turning point for you 🙂

Gentle hugs xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Starwolf- I have seen your scattered comments about your health but never really directly commented as I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk about it at length. Speaking of which, there’s no need to reply to me if you’re reading this- conserve your strength and energy for yourself. Your health is more important.

I will say this though, even though you and I have barely “talked”, I have seen your posts around the place and admire your wisdom and humility. I do feel sad about your news and am wishing you peace and comfort. Thinking of you and sending kind thoughts.

Pepper xoxoxoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Peps... what you said to StarWolf. When people talk from the soul, I see this a lot here.
Very happy to know you xx (You ok with affection? )

RockStar

It's knocked the stuffing out aye, going by bits you've said.
This is serious? I think so but hope not, you're at peace, you WIN. Inspirational

You're genuinely appreciated and respected here on so many levels lovey

You know you can open up here

Hope you're not struggling

((( holding hands too )))

[startingnew]

hey DB

i came on here and thought i think i know what to say and ive been sitting here for the past 10 minutes trying to remember what it was i was going to say. and for the life of me i cant rememeber... geez alright ill jsut write as i go along.

Im really glad your pain is settled down, thats a bonus for you. Sometimes we have to do whats best even if it breaks the bank. Lets hope they have a good plan for you when you do go to see them will you keep us updated, id be interested to know how your getting on with it.


Im glad you 'standing' up to your mental health. Bit fiesty there arent you, thats the inner determination coming out. We all need some of that. Good on you for giving up smoking, nasty habit that is but you dont need me to tell you that so ill congratulate you on your efforts. Not as easy feat giving those up or any long term habit so good on you.


I care very much for you db. Sending soul hugs xoxox


just about to go answer yours and peps posts on my thread too. Ive figured it out, the answer to your question

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

Thanks, as always, for the heartfelt messages. You write from the heart and I can feel it through the screen....thank you.

As for affection? I’ve gotten better at it and am happy to give and receive hugs on the forums.

Giving you one of your famous “soul hugs” (if that’s okay)

Pepper xoxo