Sharing strategies to help with PTSD

[PamelaR]

One of my biggest learnings has been - PTSD is not like a broken arm. When you break your arm, it mends. PTSD is with you for life. It took me ages to recognise that I'd been triggered. Some of the simplest things - like going to the shopping centre at the beginning of winter and seeing the multi-colour shirts - red, blue, black squares. The hardest part for me is identifying the trigger because the pacing heart, the sweats, the panic, the fear doesn't happen immediately. It happens after I walk out of the shopping centre.For the first few years after being diagnosed with PTSD I was hell bent on identifying the trigger. Now - I don't worry. I simple accept I'm triggered - do my breathing, relaxation to beautiful music, write down my feelings and emotions, talk with my husband. Let him know I've been triggered. Most times my cats won't come near me while I'm working through a 'phase', but they certainly know when I've come out the other side. They come and give me lots of comfort and love. The down side of how I manage is to drink alcohol - to stop the feelings and emotions. It doesn't work, but it helps go to sleep. I'm not recommending drinking as a strategy!!

I have had 2 excellent psychologists that helped me. It's important to find someone other than those close to you to talk to. One was very good at helping me identify what was happening - e.g. being super alert, wanting to save or please people. Recognising these things helped to build better relationships with my work colleagues and my friends. I have conversations in my head - oh, you just want to please because something has frightened you. Then I say - you're okay, you're safe, you can say what you need to.

Basically, the strategy of self talk in a challenging way - I challenge what I'm doing, what I'm thinking. But I also recognise the little girl who screams out when things happen and comfort her. Very important to know she hurts terribly and needs comfort. The comfort she never received as a child.

[PamelaR]

Hiya Bindi

You are so on top of things. Thanks for your contribution to this thread. So greatly appreciated, you have such words of wisdom!!

Thanks.

[labradoodle]

Hi Amanda hope you are going well. Hello Pamela Bindi and others on here. Had the report back from the work cover physiatrist and he has diagnosed that I am suffering from PTSD from my accidents. At first Amanda I was like you and didn't want to be labelled my sister has been a great support as she was the subject of an armed robbery and also suffered from PTSD as a result. It is how "we are labelled" and how we cope with that that matters. We are all suffering for different reasons but all have commmon symptoms flashbacks panic attacks etc. I have found I cannot disclose this to everyone I deal with but for those I feel I can trust I have found a great deal of support. Was having a bad night last Sunday so googled how to deal with PTSD found a fantastic site called Anxiety BC. Canadian but relative to what we are suffering and great information. Showed my psyhycologist and she was most interested. Have a look see what you think remember your breathing techniques. Fellow PTSD sufferer Labradoodle

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Pamela. I missed your reply, I have discussed the issue of the guilt with the psych. He asked me to write a letter as an adult to my childhood self giving advice & support. It was difficult splitting myself into 2 people but at least helped clarify the issues. The main feeling of guilt was remembering cowering in the hall waiting to die. I could have spent the time collecting photos & other mementos to carry out. By the time mum came inside there was only time to grab blankets & shoes for protection & then gather in the kitchen where we waited until the flames subsided outside to we could escape through burnt bush. The lounge & bedrooms were well alight by this time. I remember someone telling mum to send me back to school the next day so mum could have a break. I'd been home with very bad sunburn so I decided that I shouldn't talk about what happened so I didn't upset mum. My main MH issues I believe stem from self esteem issues due to bullying when younger. The school I attended when we were burnt out was good but after the fire we moved to a different area & I experienced further bullying. Trying to cope with the aftermath of the fire without support made things very difficult eventually leading to a failed suicide attempt. This was really difficult as I was scared someone would find out & to me if felt like the ultimate failure. Later I managed to cope better although lack of confidence.low self esteem & feeling like a failure or not good enough surfaced any time I faced stressful times in my life. Black Saturday & following fires near us led to reemergence of the PTSD symptoms. My current situation with my husband deteriorating & I also have son with MI & unsupportive DIL has stirred things up more

[PamelaR]

Hello Elizabeth

I've not been online for awhile so have just seen your post now. Thank you so much for responding and I'm glad we've finally caught up.

What a difficult childhood you've had, from being caught in a fire to ongoing bullying. I can't even being to imagine how anxiety provoking that would be. And the guilt you are experiencing because you thought you could have done better as a little girl.

I'm am pleased to hear you psych is getting you to writing a letter to your childhood self. I have gone through that therapy, but verbally and changing seats rather than writing it down. My own experience was very good and therapeutic. The sense of splitting yourself in two sounds crazy, but it's not really two. I felt one of the same, just different ages with different needs and support requirements.

You do seem to be able to write very well and it does express much of what you are feeling, so I'm sure you can write to the little girl. You'll be totally amazed at how she'll write back to you given the chance to communicate with you.

Your current situation with your husband, son and DIL doesn't appear to help you any. It is good though, you can reach out here at Beyond Blue. Just remember that when the going gets really tough. It's okay to look after yourself too. No need to feel guilty about that. You've been through a lot in your life Elizabeth. You are amazing - to be on here seeking support. Good things. I'm sending you all my heart felt wishes to help you through your difficult times.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[PamelaR]

Thank you Labradoodle for your post and sharing your new found information from the Canadian site on anxiety BC. I'm sure it will be helpful to others following the thread. Will make time to look at this.

It's good to hear you have had a diagnosis from your work cover pysch that you're comfortable with and your sister is giving you some support. It does make a difference when someone you care about is there for you.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Guest8901]

Hi Labradoodle, and thank you for your post addressed to me on 22nd Feb. I try hard to respond to anyone mentioning me individually as soon as reasonably possible. Unfortunately its not been an easy week for me, and I havent been on the Forums since last Thursday. Back in a limited capacity since yesterday however, and I'm now catching up with posts.

You asked how I am. Not the best, but I wont go into that here. I fully agree with you about an inability to tell others about what you are going through, how PTSD affects everything in our lives. I definitely have that. I'm so glad for both you and your sister that you at least have each other to confide in, and know the other will understand. I dont have anyone I can trust, or even want, to tell or talk about it. I'm not much of a talker anyway, tending to keep a lot of things to myself in general. That tendency has always been strong, but become even more so after my trauma.

I now have no trust in people, their motives or their overall 'goodness'. I seems to be imprinted in my brain now, that nobody can be trusted and that everyone is out to do me harm.

Thank you for providing that website in your post. I just looked it up and had a browse. It looks logical and simple, good information contained.

Pamela - PTSD is considered to be an anxiety disorder. So how come severe depression is so common for many sufferers? And leading on from that, is it the anxiety or the depression which causes the SI?

Amanda

Hello to all others posting on this thread as well, eg Pamela, Bindi, Elizabeth, Karen, Mary, Quirky. Anyone else?

[Ggrand]

Hello Pamela, Amanda and everyone else,

Pamela you are extremely knowledgeable in PTSD, coping strategies, I have a massive triggering month coming up, I know what the past years have done to me, usually I don't drink except March, when I need to try and sleep a lot of days away, I don't want to do this because I get physical sick from the alcohol,

If I might ask do you know any good long lasting coping strategies. I'm really sorry for asking you, any suggestions I would so much appreciate..

Kindness always,

Karen🐣🐥

[PamelaR]

Hi everyone

Grandy, yes, March is the month for many triggers for you... December is my month, I still haven't come to terms with it totally.

Prepare myself. Just like you are now!! Basically, knowing that it's the month you're triggered, is actually good. It will help plan not to have any additional stressors. I realise from your own thread that next Tuesday is going to give you a lot of stress. In hindsight to my comments on your thread, it might be best to think whether going to work that day is the best for you. Be kind to yourself.

Make a specific plan for the days that caused you the trauma. For example, my husband and I have a ritual on our baby daughter's birthday of raising a glass of wine and talking about how old she would be, imagine what she would have been like. Make a list for yourself, e.g.

• have a bubble bath, read a good funny book in the bath, and have one of your lovely freshly squeezed lemon and lime drinks
• make sure to line up people on Beyond Blue forums to have conversations with. You could line us (all your BB friends) up before hand - date, time, topic of conversation (e.g. going for a walk along the beach with the water squishing between your toes. You could even start a 'March thread' for yourself.
• go for a walk, watch the birds and wildlife on your walk and in your yard. Make a list of all the creatures you see during March. Keep that list and see if you can make it grow each year.

Remember it's only temporary. March is just one month in 12. Things will settle in a few weeks following.

Find support. Have a list of important numbers handy. You know all the ones. I've seen you post these for the newbies.

Care for yourself. What do you need during this time and what is realistic? What makes you laugh - a good funny movie? Go out and talk with Henry.

Yes, avoiding alcohol is a good idea. Maybe prepare some of your lemonade (not too much sugar though) for the month. Lots of ice in the freezer. Maybe some fresh mint from the garden?

Hope this helps you a little Grandy. I'd like to be in on your list of people to contact during March and I'd like our topic to be on birds. What do you think?

🐝PamelaR

[Ggrand]

Hello Pamela, waves👋 To everyone else,

Pamela I can't thank you enough for helping me here and giving me some great suggestion and coping tools, it really means a lot to me, that I will definately try.. Tuesday is a must do or my job is gone..

I am very impulsive and act before thinking things through when I get triggered, I know how I am when things go wrong because there's just me here, no one to talk to just me inside my head all the time which makes me sink pretty fast.. I'm trying to prepare myself this year, the other years was no BB, I had no idea how/ what to do to help me stay floating.. Thank you so very much for what you have given me especially your time ❤️.

Pamela, I would so much like you to be on my contact list, Thank you for wanting to be here for me..lol you might get sick of me by the end of March..

You have helped me a lot Pamela, and birds sounds a really relaxing and beautiful topic ..

Please look after yourself and be gentle with you.

Grandy..{{🤗🤗}}

[Guest8901]

Hi Pamela,

I just wanted to thank you for the post here yesterday that you wrote to Karen. I also found it very helpful.

March is a big trigger month for me also, so thats something else we share Karen. I lost my first love to a tragic farm accident in late March, when I was 20. I was physically attacked and sexually assaulted in early March when I was 26. I lost my favourite uncle to suicide in early March when I was about 30.

So Karen I understand how difficult those sort of triggers can be. Especially when they seem to all come on top of each other, one after the other.

Poor Pamela - between me and Karen, March looks like a tough month for you. Your knowledge and care is so much appreciated. But please remember to take care of yourself before administering to others.

Amanda