Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful Peppystar tweety Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers ☺

First things first. This is as if not more important than an understanding ear ... 🤗🤗🤗 the extras for our Grandy love.

You all are in my love basket, it's 😔 seeing beautiful people doing the hards. Worse being in that space.

Peppy love I think you're beautiful thinking others have their pain but hun you're a solid gentle presence for so many. Of course your call but what about some of that compassion and consideration for yourself darlin. As our gorgeous Tweety and Grandy said you're very loved hun we also want to be here for you so let it rip baby as Tweets said this is what here's all about and I reckon it's overdue time for the scales to be evened more ☺

On saying that it's true youse saying it is hard putting your pain out there it does make us vulnerable although in pain we are anyway but it's somewhere to unload. Can be quite therapeutic but not pressure just don't want to see you suffer alone when you have so much love 🤗 no extra charge for that hug so clearly your evenings picking up already.

Not at all harp or judge promise, I'm going to watch this again sometime. A doco called "the truth about stress" they were talking about cortisol I thinks the name which is our stress hormone and coffee. The caffeine increases that which starts up adrenalin to my knowledge, could be wrong but I think thats how it goes.

Anyway beautiful lady know I'm part of your support team and think the world of you, want to see you happy lovey you really do deserve it and truth you and Tweety are also in my thoughts often with love 🤗☘ 💟🖤❤

Tweety ya treasure hi lovely ☺🤗 the above post to Peppy applies to you too love you're both amazing beautiful people. Very glad to know and love & care about youse both. Well done it sounds that you managed to pick yourself up for a while there I'm glad cause it's very difficult but I heard the steel in you saying you would.

Girls the more I hear and understand mindfulness there's so much value to it. Many of us put so much energy into yesterday and tomorrows potential pain. As I always say I'm a great believer in time bringing on change, sometimes even the smallest details can make a difference.

I hope the future holds peace and happiness for you both and of course you bbff 💜

We'll get there girls 🤝 united.

☘🐥👩‍❤️‍👩🗯 all 🤗x3.

[Peppermintbach]

Dear birdy/our darling friend (& waves to all),

I’m gently holding my hand out to you in friendship. I’m offering a listening ear, a safe space to talk...you can talk about anything you like here.

Rambling is welcome too...I tend to think of it as speaking from the heart or soul, rather than “rambling” though. So speak from your heart & soul as much as you want.

This thread, other threads...here, there, wherever. Please don’t apologise for using your voice...we want to be here for you.

Your shorter sentences, the choppy cadence...I feel your anxiety and know you’re spiralling, my friend, and I’m here listening...

I know when you struggle, you withdraw and shield yourself from the world. You’re not being “not a good person” as you put it...

If anything, I think how it says that you genuinely care about your friends and want to be there for them. But it’s just that current circumstances/your emotional state stops you...you’re not “bad.” There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re a complex person with nuance who is now struggling very much, that’s all...

Would you like to hear how I personally manage to see my friends when I’m not feeling up to it, in the (small) chance that it might give you a few ideas to work with?

I haven’t seen Ladybird, but I’ll look it up. It sounds wonderful...I hope you watch it again tonight 🙂 What is is it about and can I ask if you ended up dancing?

My mood has been erratic, but I’m pushing through. For me, sigh, it’s always that fine line between honouring my feelings and tending to my commitments and responsibilities. Unravel but not too much...fall apart but not too much...

How I often get through the day is I’ll acknowledge the gross feeling as it arises, acknowledge that the feelings are real but also tell myself that I’ll deal with it later that day (just not necessarily right now). Usually when I decide to “deal” with it is when I paradoxically also decide not to deal with it by reaching for alcohol instead...

My dear friend, how I wish I could really sit beside you and talk things through...perhaps in another life...for now, I’m holding my hand out to you and sending you love and friendship. You’ll always have a friend in me.

Much Love xoxox

P.S. Wonderful DB: you’re loved and valued. I’ll get back to you soon. Thank you so very much for being here and for your post xoxo

[demonblaster]

You're very welcome lovely Peppy and absolutely no rush just when you feel up to.

🤗🤝🗯

[Birdy77]

My lovely lovely friend ❤

Thank you so very much for being here for me when I am sad and scared.

Your words are a comfort and a gift to me.

I will come back and talk more with you, but just really wanted to send a big hug and a huge thank you.

How are you darl? I hope you are ok.

Much love from me xo

[Peppermintbach]

Our wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

Thank you so very much for your heart warming post. An extra special, super duper soul hug from me. I‘m your top student for a reason 😉

Yes, sigh, you’re right about vulnerability. I’m not particularly good at it; I don’t like feeling vulnerable. Even though I’m very hypocritical as I’ll happily encourage it in others. I just have an entirely different set of expectations for myself...

Thanks also for sharing your vast knowledge about stress. I really appreciate it, and what you’re saying makes a lot of sense. Although I admittedly won’t be giving up coffee any time in the near future 😉

More super duper soul hugs and love xoxo

Dear friend/beautiful birdy,

Of course we would hold you hand and pitch a tent next to you when you’re hurting, sad and scared. What kind of friend would I be if I let you sit this one alone 😉

Thank you so very much for the big hug. Happily received and here’s a big hug for you too.

I have been...emotional...that words probably sums it up. Too many emotions so I’ll just. stick with “emotional.” Lol. I have been waking up feeling teary most mornings but have been just getting on with things. With life...you know how it is. How I am...how many of us probably are...

I have been walking around in a haze (excellent word, very apt...think I might borrow that from you). But I suspect that might be pretty common...

I spotted the most magnificent red rose in someone’s front yard. It was breathtaking. No idea why I’m sharing that little anecdote, but it’s just the image of that one red rose that has been stuck in my head all day. Don’t worry, I didn’t wander into their yard and pluck it 😉

How has the weekend been for you, dear friend?

Thank you, as always, for gifting me with your beautiful friendship. Truly blessed, comforted and appreciative. Much love from me xoxox

[Birdy77]

Dear Friend,

It makes me very sad to think of you wanting to cry upon waking each morning. I am truly sorry to hear that you are in such a sad place in your heart right now.

It can be really hard to take good and gentle care of your emotions when your life is so busy and you have to put your game-face on. When you come home at the end of the day is when you can start to give those feelings some airtime, but I understand the call of that liquid that will numb it all for a while. It is so difficult.

I love that you noticed and took in all the intricate beauty of the rose - you tell me sometimes that you don't have that quality of appreciating the small wonders around you, but you've just proven that you do! There is so much beauty and magic around us - that rose was a gift from the universe to you.

How was your weekend? I felt very low, but yesterday afternoon I had fun, mrs b helped me in a section of the garden where I really needed a chainsaw for some tree pruning - she gave it a go with her circular saw and did a great job (luckily the oh&s officer was off duty).

I made the scrummiest pizza last night, and I know I haven't given you the satay recipe yet (or the pad thai one from three thousand years ago either). Patience my friend.

Lotsa love,

🌻birdy xo

Aunty Deebsta, thank you as always for your beautiful care and love.
🌻tweets xo

[demonblaster]

Hi there Pepirdy (Peppystar/Birdy alias Tweetsy) Grandy and everyone 🙂

Oh Peps that's so sad you poor darling, it's terrible when it's like that I'm really sorry hearing you're suffering you beautiful lady 🤗 because I'm good like that I'm giving you another lesson on the top level hugging which is reserved for our VIPs in fact how bout a group hug Grandy, Tweety and I and of course anyones welcome to join.

Grandy I think is pitching her tent next to mine as soon as she gets a leave pass but I suspect she'll already be planning her escape when they're having a widdle snooze.

Darl I haven't yet quite got anything concrete but you might or someone be able to come up with something. What I'm wanting to do is esp before sleep when you're nice and tucked up and warm with Blanky and spare 🍫's that you're planning to give us when you sleep walk and dump them in our tents is to have a positive thought along the lines of I can and will get through and also first thing in the morning and throughout the day, could be an idea to think up others because if we back ourselves believe it and repeat what we think we tend to follow so it can change and help our mindset. Oh and a few deep slow breaths before and after to get a bit of energy happening.

I feel so sorry for you Tweets and our Grandz.

Thank you for your always beautiful response you're such a sweety you all are.

I hope it gives you pleasure and that you have some excitement thinking and planning your France trip that must be sneaking along and maybe friends too bonus. And that you're able to do some of your art.

Ok lovely ones Tweets that Pizza sounds great, you also make me laugh I was at the recipes and how long they're taking. You too Peps I'm happy seeing you joke at least those moments are a bit of a break.

Oh I know exactly how you feel about that Rose I had the same experience not long back it was one of the most beautiful flowers and had either one or more drops of water sitting on the petals. Beautiful but atm can't remember what it looked like 😂 but I'll never forget how it made me feel. Be good if you got a piccy. I did but it wasn't very good. Lol at you saying no I didn't go and pick it 🙂

Nigh night loves sleep well and wake up saying thanks but no thanks I choose to be happy xx love to you all

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely people,

dear friend/beautiful birdy: Thank you so much for your loving presence & understanding, my friend 🙂

I feel saddened by how low you’ve been feeling & wish that I could give you a very warm hug. If you ever want to talk, you have a friend in me..but you know that already 😉

I’m glad there was a precious window of fun, despite the gloom. mrs b is such a gorgeous and loving presence in your life. I have always had the impression she was rather daring. I’m glad no wh&s officer was on duty though! Lol.

Does she like gardening as much as you & how have you doing been since the weekend?

Your comments about the red rose made me smile. There’s a certain comfort & reassurance in the beauty around us. Maybe I’m subconsciously learning from you & just not realising it 😉

I had to pause & really think when you asked me about the weekend. It was a bit foggy. I was stressed with family commitments & work from the weekdays that had spilled over to the weekend.

I did have a bit of a cry on Sunday and Monday night though but danced a little last night. Dance is life affirming. Still haven’t gotten around to learning the salsa yet though...

That pizza sounds delicious and when you have a bit of time (no rush), I look forward to hearing about your satay and pad Thai recipe 🙂

Much love from me xoxox

Wonderful DB: what a lovely post. Thank you for making me smile 🙂

The VIP lesson will be a treat, but I’m wary that I’ll get an invoice in a month’s time about how I “owe” you a thousand choccy bars...I’m telling you right now that I won’t be paying 😉

You’re so generous with your tips, and I your lioness’ heart shows when you try so hard to help each of us. Thank you so very much for sharing your tips with me about the positive thoughts and deep breathing.

I admit that I’m not really into positive thinking and that line of thinking. I understand it helps you (and countless others), which is great. Perhaps I can replace that with a grateful thought as an alternative. What do you think?

The mystery flower that you described sounds stunning. I can visualise the glistening water droplets on it. Gorgeous...

I think that we will hopefully be moving the trip to the middle of next year. I don’t need to experience an “extra” winter as it will be freezing if we went late this year/early next year. Now I just have to convince them! Mid-year is summer there so that’s much more appealing (to me at least)...

Super soul hugs and love xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey our lovely Peppystar Tweety Grandz and readers ☺

Haha I see I have some work to do on you my friend, ok I understand the coffee 😆 but no no no having a bit of a mental breakdown at even the thought of you not paying your reduced invoice, you know mates rates an all I'm only charging you 346 🍫 bars. Would have been 347 to anyone else 😉

Shame about the positive thinking only because if it's a positive as in a different type like say something you enjoy eg art or thinking about your trip, maybe memories of good times, coffee fave food also can help. Yes some people fair enough aren't into positive affirmations but I include other stuff might be a colour I like or an animal etc because they associate happy feelings well that's the idea because at some point they've given you pleasure to give your mind a rest from depression.

It sads me you being sad a lot Peps I wouldn't be sad as much if you weren't such a lovely (quietly mutters not so much when she padlocks the stash 🍫)

As warped and uncaring as this will sound 😆 I'm glad you cried 😂 still friends are we? Cause a bit of release but darlin Peps so yuk that you feel that way. Here we go darlz don't let the others they'll probs get a bit jealous 🤗

Very hard when family rots going on it can be difficult to avoid or remove ourselves from it and of course painful.

Dancing sounds good. A gf coming over hopefully next yr has been doing that for yrs it sounds like a lot of fun and yes nice to let loose. Good on you.

Absolutely sounds good sense to avoid the cold. I'm excited for you Peppily ☺ you've always been very tolerant 😆with me playing with your name, you know...small things amuse small minds 🙄 is Peppily ok with you. You can't say your boring...you have many alias's to keep you bizee.

Ok huns good to see you and I'll continue thinking and sending good wishes darlz. Take care Peps you're very loved here 🤗

Tweets/y you too and I hope you're going a lot if not a bit better lovely one. Not good seeing our lovelies hurting.

See youse later lovely friends ☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌱🍫🤝👀👂🗯🖐🕊

[Birdy77]

Hello Friend,

Love to Aunty Deebs, Grandy and all your friends/fans and readers ❤

I agree with the Deebsta that it is good that you cried. It is a release ... you have so much sadness and angst inside and it is healthy for you to open those floodgates when you can, and let the tears wash some of the pain away, or at least allow the pain to express itself and be heard, felt and tasted.

Dancing is wonderful and I'm so glad you did. Again: release. It's good for you. You spend a lot of your energy holding everything together and soldiering on. These bursts of expression are absolutely necessary.

I would live to learn the salsa as well! I went to some ceroc classes for a time, which was an absolute hoot!! So much fun. I am not trained like you are (? I think?), but I do love dancing, mrs b and I have spent many many hours going nuts on the dancefloor (and more recently that equals our kitchen). So glad you have that mode of self-expression.

Yeah mrs b did a ripper job with her makeshift chainsaw! Nah, I'm definitely the gardener of the family, but she enjoys doing stuff to help, mowing the lawn, omg she loves her new whippersnipper and doing the edging and stuff. It's awesome because she gets a great sense of achievement because you can see the results straight away. Whereas I will plant bulbs, for instance, and like ... 6 - m o n t h s - l a t e r .... there's some action ...

We are in for a challenging couple of months. mrs b's mother has been fighting cancer for a long time now ... and we've just learnt that her kidneys are failing and the doctors think she may have a couple of weeks left only. It's quite a shock in terms of timing. She's been in hospital since just after mothers day. We are going there tomorrow. It's a weird time. Even with problematic relationships, the final time is still really confronting.

Love you,

🌻birdy xo