Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

Thank you for giving me a chuckle with your post. So heart warming & caring. Thank you so very much...

I agree that crying is a good release. Flushing out some emotions was needed. Of course we are still friends...nothing “warped” or “uncaring” about what you said at all. Don’t even worry about it 😉

I know you, & many other lovelies, benefit greatly from positive thinking. I think that’s fantastic, & I’m so happy that it helps a lot of people.

I like Peppily. You’re the best at coming up with nicknames for people. I know you’ve gifted birdy with Tweets/Tweety & Grandy also has a few... You show your affection & sense of fun this way....I love it

346 bars for a VIP class...that I didn’t sign up for? Lol. Come on, can’t you give a friend a freebie! Yes, I drive a hard bargain...

Your well wishes & love are felt & cherished by me. Supersoul hugs & much love xoxo

Dear friend/beautiful birdy: I feel sad for mrs b & her mum. That must be hard on her (& you too). It’s very scary & overwhelming that her mum’s final days are near. Also, because of problematic relationships, that’s an extra layer of emotions...

I’m glad she at least has your beautiful love to to lean into. Let us know how today goes but only if you feel like talking about it...I understand you may or may not wish to discuss it. But just know if you want to chat (or need a distraction), we are here, my friend.

team tweets makes a great gardening duo! Complementary. Instant gratification versus delayed results. It must be very satisfying to see the results...

I agree that dance is special. Have you ever felt pure elation when watching a live performance/on a screen that just takes your breath away or alternatively, been moved to tears by a sad dance? Stories via movement.

I smiled about how you both love to dance. I looked up Ceroc, & apparently it’s a mix of swing, ballroom and jive? That sounds epic!

I want to start looking into dance studios that teach salsa. By nature, I’m passionate/ intense but exercise self restraint because it’s not a very welcome quality. Dance, art, etc helps me to process my emotions, & tell a story that would otherwise be untold.

Thank you, as always, for your gorgeous love & support. For never making me feel like I need to change the core parts of myself. For your friendship. Thanks for being the beautiful soul you are.

Love you too & sending my love to mrs b as well. Thinking of both of you today xoxox

[demonblaster]

Our gentle lovely Peppstar Tweety and readers hiyaz ☺

😆 loven the VIP status my love thing is sweety in this world the only way to reach the top is to challenge yourself 😄 hence because you're such a good friend how bout I knock one 🍫 more off yes you do drive a hard bargain but must say an admirable quality in that you won't be pushed around.

I may not have used an emoji. The still friends are we very 😜 all the same great hearing we are 🤗

Forgot to reply darl yes agratitudes daily are fabulous and I'd think they're a form of positives too. Maybe along the lines of grounding ourselves.

By all means Peppily 👍let me know if I'm on the wrong track. I know how deeply and compassionate you are towards the cruelties and abhorrent treatment of people and animals in our world. I wonder if that is the or a reason you find positives difficult. Trust me darlin I really am not trying to nag or lecture promise just would love maybe something could help. I understand how you feel about the above it breaks my heart too, both (no not two hearts 😆) It's taking me a long time to not let this affect me which it does. I avoid news for the most and you hear about things, not at all saying others should its just what I do and my belief that 75% of people are inherently good of course with faults. I try to remember the goods in the world which can be very hard when so many people needlessly suffer.

Enjoying you and Tweets convo 9n dancing it's certainly a great release and must be a buzz doing that type. Think my friend does Salsa and others. Was interesting hearing about a different to me interest. She's in NZ we social media at times. Cemented friendship for many yrs. Shes the one that hopes to come over next yr.

I care and love you Peps very much. Please forgive me and do say if I'm being too pushy not intentionally.

Often think about you darlz. Thank you too for chuckles it breaks it up doesnt it.

Look after yourself dear friend ☘🌿🤗☺

Tweety love how very sad and such mixed emotions. This is such a very hard time to go through. I have comfort in knowing the strong bond and love you have for Mrs Birdy and back which will make this rocky road a little smoother.

I hope you're travelling at least a little easier beautiful tweets.

Big love and care to you as well sweet. Please give Mrs Tweety a big comforting hug.

Good days lovely ones 🤗☺

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

Thank you so very much for your very insightful and caring suggestions. I love having you here. Thankfully, I can say that world horrors have very little do with how I’m not really into positive thinking. But I can definitely see why you suggested that 🙂

It’s just that if I’m struggling, I find trying to generate positive thoughts creates a lot of inner turmoil/conflict. It makes me feel torn between how I truly feel and how I’m trying to make myself feel. The end result is I just feel even more exhausted, sadder and drained than before. For that reason, I don’t tend to engage in that line of thinking...

That being said, I completely understand positive thinking helps a lot of people (including you), which I think is fantastic. I’m glad it helps so many people 🙂

Thanks again for sharing your generous compassion, deep well of caring and clever insights. I’m always happy and honoured for you to share your theories, opinions and personal experiences with us here. They are important and valid. Very grateful for your loving heart and wonderful mind...

I think it’s great that your friend has been learning the salsa. I would like to do that too. It‘s such a high energy dance with attitude, which I love about it! Hopefully she’ll visit next year. Wouldn’t that be lovely? You would have so much to catch up on...

This is unrelated and I can’t remember who said it here. But recently someone on the forums here mentioned that one of his/her life purposes is the pursuit of knowledge. That’s a good one. It made me smile and I wanted to share it with you 🙂

Supersoul hugs, free choccy bars as I’m feeling generous (better grab them before I change my mind) and much love xoxo

[demonblaster]

Peppystar 🤗 hi everyone 👋

One of the many things I appreciate and love about you is your excellent communication skills, not only how you express yourself so beautifully and clearly, the fact you talk things out.

Thanks explaining why it doesn't help you. That's a shame. I'm a believer in if we can't do it one way to look for other options. Not hassling hun I realky do believe there's ways for a good proportion of us to gain inner peace and you without a doubt have high intelligence and ability to learn how I think that we all have intelligence and thats our power.

I feel sorry knowing you have such deep pain. I wish I could do something to help.

Something that's taken pretty much a lifetime for me is and I heard you lovey that it's not what I thought it could be and thank you for being so graceful you really are a lovely person. So this could apply to anything and no idea if it'll help but I'll say it anyway cause someone reading could get something. It's actually a saying I think. There's a few things I have/do feel passionately about and you know me pretty well I get really stirred up about some things. If I absolutely don't have a hope of changing it and often I'll exhaust many possibilities. I've learnt to try not to let it eat at me because it eats away if not.

I think I've seen Salsa on dancing comps, mil loves them and it does seem a very intense full throttle dance. Good hearing you have an interest in dancing. It'd keep people fit too and like many of the arts I'd imagine a great release letting go and letting rip.

Ok my dear generous loving Peppy I'll just borrow Grandys 🚜 from her famous 💼 and be there before you can blink actually, would be devo if you changed your mind. Thankyee oh great Peppy choccy stasher always loved you 😆🤗☺

Go easy darls 🕊🐧

Hey Tweety how are you going lovey been thinking about you too.

Love to you both and of course Grandy Floss 👩‍❤️‍👩 she does have a few names but I don't think anyone has as many as you Peps 😆

👩‍❤️‍👩☘🐥💗💜💟👀🤝

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

Thank you so very much for the very encouraging and thoughtful reply. You responded to my comments so beautifully and graciously. That means a lot, lovely 🙂

Sorry, is it okay if I please ask what do you mean by “inner peace”? If by inner peace, you mean calm and stable, I understand that that is a wonderful emotional state to be in/goal for many people. That’s great and completely understandable, and fantastic if it suits the person. However, that’s not necessarily the type of inner peace that I’m looking for personally...

I think that I have mentioned before that I am ,by nature (my disposition), on the more volatile/intense/passionate end of the emotional spectrum. It’s a side of me, which is ironically also a core part of me, that is suppressed most of the time.

I dial it down several notches most of the time, for the sake of most people...I don’t believe that this intensity (or call it what you like) is a very welcome trait of mine...if given free reign, I would emotionally and intellectually drain most people around me. An ex used to complain that I was “on” all the time...apparently I did his head in...

But the thing is I feel most “at peace” when that intensity has freedom of expression. It may not be “peace” as most know it, but it’s my own version of it. A more electric experience...

When I try a calmer version of peace, I feel as though I’m fighting myself because I’m fighting my nature/disposition. So I’m fighting me...

I’m fortunate and blessed to have wonderful friends like you who want the best for me. People like you who care and offer me love and ideas. Again, thank you...

I love how you’re sharing quotes and inspiration with me. That’s very special 🙂 Sorry, I’m not sure which part of that 4th paragraph was the quote.

So can I ask a big favour for you to please help me out and clarify which part was the quote? I suspect it’s the last 2-4 sentences of that paragraph but I’m not sure if I’ve misunderstood/misinterpreted...

You made me smile with how you’re collecting the free choccies with Grandy’s truck. Lol. You’re in luck, I haven’t changed my mind about the freebies so you were smart to act quickly 😉

Super soul hugs and much love xoxo

P.S. beautiful birdy/dear friend...sending you and your equally beautiful mrs b my love and some warm hugs. If you see rain and/or a thunderstorm, think of it as me saying hello and sending my blessings (to both of you) in my messy, warped way xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello Friend ❤

It is really, really raining!! - thank you for your cosy company 😊.

Thank you so much for your loving thoughts, you too Aunty Deebsta. I've passed on both of your care and love to mrs b /mrs t ❤.

Things are very challenging at the moment, and no doubt will become more so over the next weeks.

We are in separate locations, I'm at home and she is staying at her family home. So many ugly things happening with golden boy etc, and hard when we're apart, but it's all part of the difficulties of life. The inevitable end is still to come.

I was reading some stuff on a website recently called eggshelltherapy.com I thought of you at the time, and now here you are chatting with Deebs about emotional intensity - you might find it interesting to have a look at if you haven't already come across it. I think you'll like it.

Oh ceroc is the absolute bomb my friend! If you ever see classes advertised, I would highly recommend it. Once you step on to the floor, you absolutely cannot stop smiling!! It is wonderful! I wish there was a class near me now I would 100% go.

Oh Pepper, I totally know what you mean about being emotionally caught up in the dance you're watching! I was laughing and crying at the same time simply watching a flashmob the other day, and even watching some ceroc youtubes after I mentioned it last week. Tears and giggles all at once!! Dance really is a powerful expression of emotion.

I truly love that you have your dance and other art forms to tell your "story that would otherwise go untold" (love the way you said that).

Sorry I haven't addressed everything, I'll get back to you. Just felt like popping in and saying hi and love ❤

🌻birdy xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Dear friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

I’m happy to keep you company 🙂 Funny how I mentioned rain and it was actually raining...things sound really, really tough, & as you said, the physical distance must be hard. I also think it’s painful to see loved ones hurting...

Sigh, golden boy seems like he is at the centre of a lot of drama and issues...that must make things a thousand times worse than it needs to be. Things are rough enough as it is without the ugly things he is implicated with...

It made me smile when you wrote about dance. I felt a lift in tone when you wrote about ceroc. I think it’s a shame that there aren’t any nearby classes. But perhaps you can still practice your moves at home and/or watch instructive videos to learn more 🙂 Obviously dancing at home has an entirely different atmosphere, but it’s still beautiful in its own right...

I agree that dance is a powerful expression of emotion. As you once wisely said, “if you can move, you can dance.” I’m going to be quoting you forever so thanks for that pearl 😉

I looked up what you mentioned, and felt that it described me to a T. The intense emotions, sensory overload, quick thinking, restlessness, etc, etc. Then when life problems are added to an already volatile core, it’s a lot. I’m a lot. Thank you so very much for sharing that with me, my friend.

I’m not sure what to do with myself, but it’s all a gradual unfolding...one day maybe I’ll find where I need to be, who I need to be around and what I want to be doing...one day...

Thank you so much for thinking of me & making time for me. I’m truly blessed. You can write here any time...about anything. Ceroc, mrs b, mrs t, golden boy, your animal friends, your garden, your troubles, your joy, your fears, your hopes, be silly, be serious...free reign, my friend.

That is my gift to you 😉 No obligation or pressure but that gift is always there...

I know that I say this a lot, but I truly think you are a very special person, and anyone who’s lucky to cross paths with you is incredibly blessed. I am a lot of work (a lot!), yet you so patiently & lovingly stay as a friend means more than I can ever convey.

I feel there’s no need to apologise to me about not “addressing anything”...just when & if you feel up to it. You have a lot going on as it is...you’re beautiful and sensitive to apologise but there’s really no need...

My love to you, mrs b and mrs t. Any time you see rain or a storm, think of it as me sending my love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello darling friend ❤

What a beautiful message you wrote me. I've read it multiple times since you wrote it - I feel comforted and uplifted and I thank you from the bottom of my heart xoxo

You are such a special gem, inviting me to use your space here to talk about whatevs. I feel like you are a true friend in my heart, and I'm so happy that we've connected through this space. It's weird, and it's very nice ❤

You will definitely find your direction ... I think sometimes when we feel most directionless is when we are suddenly set on the right path somehow. The universe steps in. We just have to put the question out there. It's happened to me in the past, and I'm putting my trust in the universe that it will happen again. Directionless is a hard place to be (hi Aunty Deebs, Aunty (?😁) Grandy).

I loved your suggestion of practicing some ceroc moves and watching vids ... I just might do that in my kitchen any day now. I had a little dance off with one of the fur boys today, and then the other one came in and it was rumble time 🙄


How are things in your world lovely friend?

I am a bit lonesome.

Love ya xoxoxo

🌻birdy xo

[Peppermintbach]

Our darling friend birdy (& a wave to all),

Isn’t that what true friendship about? Giving people the freedom and space to be who and what they need to be 😉

To self express as they want/need and to feel what they want to feel. Genuine acceptance and freedom. That’s a key part of friendship (or any type of meaningful relationship/dynamic in general) or at least in my opinion 🙂

My dear friend, I am gently holding out my hand to you to offer comfort, love and reassurance. I feel sad for your loneliness. I wonder what it stems from...

I can speculate why but maybe it’s better if I just hold that space for you to feel whatever it is you need or want to feel. If you want to talk about it (or about anything else), you know that you have a friend in me....

I too am immensely grateful for our friendship/connection here. I say this often but you are a truly special soul. You’re a rare person who gives me space to be me; someone who doesn’t seem to be bothered or intimidated by my edges. In fact, if anything else, you actively encourage me to let the edges show through...

The dance off with one of your boys sounds absolutely magical. I feel dance can be healing as can friendship with non-human animals 🙂 Feel free to let me know how ceroc goes. I would love to hear about your home dance comps!

I have been teary. Emotional. Angry. Frustrated. Irritated. Tired. Weary. Hurt. Sad.( Feel)misunderstood. I’m still trying to find my place and my people, but I typically end up with both hands empty...

Wanting to be understood but feel that is very, very hard to come by. Sigh, I think most people can only meet you where they themselves are at...and unfortunately my needs are vast. Maybe it’s not that my needs are vast, perhaps I’m just seeking out the wrong type of people...people can’t give what they don’t have...

I did find a dance studio that is offering heavily discounted introductory salsa dance classes for a term. The drawback is it’s a little out of my way, so I’m deciding whether to enrol there or to find another studio (I would have to pay more).

How have you been?

Thank you as always for your beautiful presence, my more than enough friend. We love you just as you are. But if you ever want to change (because your own heart/mind desires it), we will support that too. Whatever you need.

As I said, I believe that true friendship is about creating space for our friends to be whoever they need/want to be.

Love you too, my friend and my love to mrs b too xoxox

[Birdy77]

My Friend,

You are absolutely right, that is what true friendship is about, allowing each to be exactly who they are, and holding the space for them to do just that. Thank you ❤

I feel really sad to know how you've been feeling. I long for the day when you feel understood and embraced for who you are in all your awesome complexity.

I think much of your angst is maybe because you haven't quite found your people and your tribe. Those who will celebrate and cheer all your edges and angles alongside your gentle soft spots and all the other pieces in between.

In some of the articles on the eggshell site I mentioned, I liked the way she mentioned that being asked to conform, or reduce yourself down to fit in with other's ideas is the exact way to make freakin supernova feel misunderstood and out of whack.

That inner-peace that Aunty Deebs mentioned I think doesn't need to be always described like a calm, blissed out, glassy quietude - maybe it can be achieved by being truly accepted and understood and embraced, in all your crazy, kookoo, electric awesomeness. And to accept yourself as well. That sounds like inner peace to me.

I reckon it might be fun to change it up a bit and go out of your way to try the intro salsa ... our of your usual area, might meet some different people ... ??

I will let you know how I go with the home ceroc comps , sometimes with two boys in the mix it can turn to mayhem! I might have to lock them on the deck while I have a YouTube session in the kitchen!

I just feel a bit lonesome with mrs b away I guess ... I think that's it. Lots of crap going down with golden boy et al ... (true headache material).

❤❤❤❤

xoxo

🌻birdy xo