Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

You are a natural at nursing 🙂 The veggie soup was divine. You’re so lovely to share your cooking with me.

The candles were so fragrant and relaxing. Love your attention to detail.

Giving you some bonus free choccies to say thank you 🙂 Warm hugs and much love xoxo

Dear friend/beautiful birdy,

Your weekend sure sounds demanding. Your visit to the House of Pure Annoyance tomorrow would be very stressful and irritating. Rudeness and ingratitude are quite the combination, aren’t they? Hopefully your poor doggies won’t get too sick...

mrs b’s mum does indeed have a lot of expectations and demands, and clearly likes to make them known. I can imagine you gritting your teeth...and understandably so...let us know how Sunday goes if you like. I’m always listening and you’re most welcome to write any time here. To unpack, chat or vent 🙂 I would love to know how things go...

I do have obligations this weekend. Life, right? It’s probably less irritating than yours though. It’s more just draining than anything else.

So perhaps a different type of emotion will be involved. Then again, yours is probably draining too, but perhaps in a different way to me. I suppose we don’t exactly get to choose our biological families (and/or in-laws in your case)...

With family, I just have certain commitments and responsibilities. Some I don’t mind honouring, but what I appreciate a lot less is being badgered to do something incessantly, especially when I’ve already agreed to do it...

Sorry, I forgot to answer your question before. No, I’m afraid I haven’t started learning French yet. I’ll have to keep mrs b’s language learning tip in mind. Lol!

But on the upside, I’ve a couple of friends who want to do some travelling. Nothing has been finalised yet, but it would be fun to go overseas together 🙂

Thank you, as always, for your beautiful friendship. Always grateful for your presence in my life xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello Friend 😊

I just wanted to say hello, and tell you I was thinking of you and wonder how you are and how the last couple of weeks have been. I hope you weren't incessantly badgered about things the other weekend.

My journey to the HoPA was surprisingly bearable, even amongst the chaos that reigns there, and notwithstanding the fact that mrs b's mother tried to put meat on her lunch plate. She said "oh yes, I forgot" ( yeah right).

(Thank you Grandy for your care and hopes to get through the day, it worked! Survived! Your idea to stay overnight would be lovely, but in the end it wasn't too bad, and nice to get home into our own little house at the end of the day.)

That sounds great that you have some friends who may possibly travel with you, so cool to have that to possibly plan for and look forward to.

Oh I saw this quote the other day, thought of you: "I refuse to live as half of myself because other people can't handle all of me" .

I'm a bit blah at the moment, am going to try to snap myself out of it today, it is warm, so thought maybe a picnic o mc the beach. Wanna come?

Thinking of you, hope you are taking good care of you.

🌻birdy xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Dear friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

Thank you so much, dear friend. It really does mean a lot that I’ve been in your thoughts and that you’re reaching out to me 🙂 The quote made me smile...thank you, dear friend...

I’m very relieved to hear that your journey to the HoPA was tolerable. It sounds like it was one of your better visits there. I like how she conveniently “forgot” that mrs b doesn’t eat meat. Maybe she just likes being “selective” with her memory? 😉

I don’t even know how to summarise what has been happening in my world. Lol. A range of things, I suppose. Sick family and work stress plus some other personal issues. It has been a bit of a bumpy ride. Just re-thinking a lot of things too...confused about what I’m doing with my life at this point in time.

All in all, just having a rough time. But I try not to make too much of a fuss about it/talk about it too much as I know everyone struggles one way or another. Sometimes talking about my problems makes me feel very self absorbed and self indulgent.

How have you been lately? Did you end up going to the beach on the weekend? I think of you often and wonder how things are going for you. Blessed to have your beautiful friendship and presence in my life. Also, thank you for the invite. That made me smile, I would have loved to have joined you there 🙂

Sending warmth & much love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Dear Friend ❤

I want to be here for you, to listen to the all the different things going on for you. I understand that you don't want to be self-absorbed, but talking here on the forums is the perfect way to get things off your chest, so you can maybe move forward better? It's safe to do so, it's ok to lay some worries down here .. isn't that what the forum is all about? Only as much as you want to of course, but even if you feel you are being self-indulgent, you are not - you are sharing your experiences and your thought processes and your feelings, and that helps you and it helps anyone reading.

Croix shared a really lovely quote a while ago which you probably saw:

“As we learn about each other, so we learn about ourselves” 
― William Hartnell

I am so listening to you and will always be here when you are ready.

I'm really sorry to hear the rough time you are still going through, with family illness and some personal issues. How I wish I could sit with you and talk through all our stuff! In front of the fire today (eew so windy and feral and cold here today). If there is anything you would like to nut out, I'm here with you.

As I've told you before, I totally understand that feeling of not knowing what to do ... I've been at those crossroads so many times! Am again in a way. So many people seem to be on their path and have it figured and stay on that path. You have fire in you Pepper. It is ok to have many different paths in life my friend ... this is your life, your concurrent work-in-progress/masterpiece.

I feel like I have so many things on hold at the moment, which makes me feel like similtaneously jumping out of my skin and crawling under a big snuggly blanket for 5 years. But mrs b tells me I have plenty of time, it will fall into place once some other things fall into place ... I am impatient like you. Let's try to be patient.

The beach didn't happen because the wind picked up on Saturday and a windy day at the beach got a big heck-no from me. I made the most mind blowing yummy satay last night!! Do you like satay? Omgness, I can tell you what I did, I reckon you could do it it only took about 15 minutes!

Love you

🌻birdy xo

[Peppermintbach]

Dear friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

Thank you so much for being here. It really does mean a lot, dear friend 🙂

How I wish that I could sit with you and talk things through with you. That would be truly wonderful, even though I would probably give you a headache. Lol

Yes, I have seen that quote. Thank you so much for sharing 🙂 Although I’m not sure if there’s anything to be learnt from me, aside from learning how to get a headache. Perhaps I have things to learn from others...

I understand and I hear you about the crossroads. The uncertainty and/or inner conflict can be very confusing...

About those people who seem to be focused on a set path. While I don’t doubt some of them know exactly what they want to do, in which case, I admire their decisiveness and conviction. Good on them 🙂 I wonder if others just give the impression of having it together but are just as lost as the rest of us on the inside...

It sounds like perhaps your emotions have been erratic. Feeling all kind of contradictory emotions can be debilitating. I understand how emotionally paralysing it feels to want to both hide under a blanket fort but want to run, run, run at the same time...

Your beautiful mrs b is an absolute sweetheart. Always so loving and encouraging. I’m so happy that you have each other, and she sounds very wise.

As you know, patience is not one of my strengths. Definitely not. I like most things to happen quickly and preferably now. I’m that kind of person...

It’s disappointing about the beach the other day. But I’m glad you seemed to have had fun in the kitchen. I would love to hear about the satay. 15 minutes sounds doable for me 😉

Sigh, I had wanted to drink on Sunday night. Alas, I fell asleep with no drink but suddenly woke up at 3am yesterday morning, felt miserable and had a strong urge to drink. Never mind that I needed to be up in a few hours to start getting ready for work.

I drank, nodded off for a little. Woke up feeling slightly groggy. With alcohol probably still coursing through my blood stream (I don’t know enough about chemistry or biology to say definitively), I got ready for the day.

Did my makeup, fixed my hair, etc as I usually like to do. If I was feeling crap, at least I could still look good. Ordered coffee with 3 shots before heading into the office. Almost burst into tears as the barista kindly commented that some days we need a strong coffee...just life sometimes...

How has your week been so far?

Love you too xoxox

[Birdy77]

Dear precious friend,

I completely understand and can see myself in how your morning went yesterday. There's a particular local shop where I get hugs every time I even walk past because once when I was in a dreadful place in head, they kindly and gently asked how I was. Cue: open the floodgates. Snivelling mess. The poor guys were stunned, but came around the counter and held me while I sobbed!

So, I totally get it my friend.

I agree that a lot of people who seem to have it together are probably a bit lost inside, at least sometimes. It's the ones who admit this and show their vulnerability that I trust more than those who seem amazingly perfect, you know?

You have plenty for many people to learn, I assure you. Your heart, your thought processes, your dedication and openness to do good. Never doubt your example.

I've kind of been feeling good the last few days or so, but I am spiralling tonight. I don't know what's triggered it but I feel like crap and the tears are falling.

Thanks for being here. ❤

🌻birdy xo

[Ggrand]

Hello Pepper, Birdy, Deebi and all....

I am so sorry that your both struggling so very much...

I just called in to gently let you know...That you are both loved by so many people here.....I’m one of them..☺️...

If it’s okay..I would like to give you both some gentle hugs that’s full of warmth , care and love..💖💝💗💞💓..🤗🤗🤗🤗.. to.both of your beautiful hearts and souls...Truth ..not just words....

I’m not much good at the moment to do more then send you some gentle care.....and I really hope tomorrow is a better day for you both...as well as everyone else.....

Love and hugs..

Grandy...

[Peppermintbach]

Dear friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

Thank you so very much for your friendship and presence here. I don’t think that I can ever say that often enough. Never take anyone for granted...so again, thank you. Especially as I know how much you’re hurting, yet still make time for me. That speaks volumes about your beautiful heart...

I am going to quietly sit with you as you cry. Say nothing or say everything. I’m here for you. Always listening and always have your back....

Those guys at your local shop sound so wonderfully compassionate and caring. Sometimes a simple, kind gesture or comment from stranger that opens the floodgates...

I agree with you that showing vulnerability is very hard. It’s not easy and it does take a lot of courage to put your heart on the line...I admire people who are good at that...

But I also think we never know what struggles people hide behind an illusion of perfection/defensive wall. So I try my best to give people the benefit of the doubt 😉

As I said, I know you’re struggling and that your emotions are everywhere....I’ll sit here with you in your pain, and tell you it’s okay to feel and that you’re not alone...if you ever want to talk, but no pressure, you have a friend in me...

Sending friendship, warm hugs and my love xoxo

Gorgeous Grandy: your gentle hugs, warmth and love is felt, accepted and cherished.

It means the world that you’re dropping off truckloads of love here, despite how much you’re struggling. I know your post came straight from your heart. All your posts come from them....

Love and hugs to you too xoxo

[Birdy77]

❤ thank you ❤

[Birdy77]

Hello Friend,

Firstly, I wanted to say that the thank you I left was also for Grandy, your lovely messages were so appreciated and needed. I am so sorry I didn't mention you both, I just had to say thanks this arvo, I have not bee feeling good.

I keep spelling my name wrong when I sign off, I just replied to a new member and signed off "bitdy". I signed off to you and another recently as "biddy". It is embarrassing.

How are you? Have you had an ok couple of days since your 3am Monday morning haze?

I keep pushing everyone away. I have been avoiding 3 friends not that I don't want to hear from them or be there for them, but I'm just isolating myself. I'm not being a good person to people. It sucks.

I watched the movie Ladybird yesterday, have you seen it? I really liked it, I might watch it again.

I have some big fears that are bubbling up. I should go over to my thread and do that there. Sorry lovely Pepper.

Is it ok that I'm just rambling? I don't feel like a good person.

Love,

🌻birdy xo (omg I spelt it correctly).