Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Aw you guys are the best.

I am truly grateful for the love and support. It really does make a difference to feel so cared for...thank you...

DB- you have such a big heart and it really comes across in your posts. You always write with such empathy and we are all the better for it.

Wow, I'm amazed and honoured that you are trying to read more of my thread. I think that's very kind of you.

Oh yes, I appreciste the well wishes although I actually haven't really given the blood work results much thought. Lol. But I also hope it's okay.

Cesca- thank you so much for checking in on me. I know you've been having a very difficult time so it means that much more. Thinking of you too.

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi again,

Once again, a thankful heart here for all the messages of encouragement and love 🙂

Butterfly Wings- feelin' the hugs and love (and sending some your way too).

I have been feeling more sad than usual and even a little anxious but maybe it's just the change in routine what with these appointments. A little "thrown" and feeling a little raw and vulnerable.

Yes, dragging myself out of bed each morning is a daily struggle. But hey, I manage and I did make it to work yesterday 😉 Thanks for the words of encouragement.

All good, I don't mind answering but I might be a little vague to preserve a a degree of my anonymity (I hope that's okay). I'll just say that I "loosely" work in a health related field (sort of). I mean, that's not strictly accurate- and I'm not a doctor or nurse- but it's sort of health related.

Dearest Sez- please don't apologise. I had an inkling something was "up"; I'm pretty sure Butterfly also had a feeling too. Take all the time you need and I hope you get some sleep. You're in my heart. I'll check your thread later today...but yeah, take your time.

Thanks, all good...I had my GP appointment and visited pathology but I haven't had my visit with the new psych yet. That's next week 😉 All good- too many dates and appointments for any one of us to keep track of so please don't stress about remembering them all. I struggle to remember them all too. Lol.

As I said to Butterfly above, I do feel a tad raw and vulnerable. I'm guessing maybe the appointments have upset my sense of "equilibrium" a little as I have gotten used to not "answering" to anyone (especially med and allied health professionals lol).

I know you're in my corner. I am in yours too; forever and always. Here for you too...

Love you dearly; Milky Way, arts and all.

Sending love to all,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Peps darling: (( ))

Quote: I do feel a tad raw and vulnerable. I'm guessing maybe the appointments have upset my sense of "equilibrium" a little as I have gotten used to not "answering" to anyone (especially med and allied health professionals lol).

Although we need routine & it's important for as you're saying equilibrium, I think mixing it up a bit too not only allows us to be able to adapt to change, the change can be healthy mentally, not stuck in same old, different stimulation.

Thanks sweet for your lovely words, you too girl, hope you realise what a lovely person you are too with a massive heart xx

Hey all, gotta walk to shops BA energy & wanna keep sparks to minimum but have been wronged by real estate usually 95% magic, but this needs to be sorted & hacked off they did it so gunna speak to one I'm on very good terms with so shouldn't be agro but gunna say my bit. (Devil emote, throw some smoke coming out ears in too lol)

Have a better day today I hope peeps

Pleasure getting to know yaz 🙂

[startingnew]

Hey Peps...


having an upset routine and adding these things on can be challanging and hard and upsetting because its bringing up the past or the fear of the unknown.
You always get to work and out of bed when your required to, its ok to have doona days too.
Thats ok, loosely is fine I just wondered what sort of work you do. Sounds pretty interesting. There are many health related fields. Good on you for being in one of them.i understand its hard to describe esp when trying to be very brief.


And yes I have been worried about Sez. I always do but your right i feel like something is 'up'


If your having trouble organising times, carry around a pocket diary with dates and times in them and when organising appointments etc take out your little diary and write it in. that way its not too big to carry aroud but its accurate.. just a thought..


sending you some comforting hugs, gently nudging you along
BW
xoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey Peps and all 🙂

Just a quicky Hi and sending love & hugs to anyone that wants em
I do charge a small fee ...oops said that out loud didn't I

Hope you feeling a bit brighter, well a lot brighter actually Peps darl

Take good care of yourselves xx

[Peppermintbach]

Thanks Butterfly, DB + everyone else 🙂

I'm quite drained at the moment so will respond properly when I feel up to it. Yes, yes I know that I don't "have to" but I want to...

Loving thoughts,

Pepper xoxoxoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Morning everyone,

I'll hopefully keep this post short and sweet. Long story short, about the news earlier in the week, a family member (fyi, not my parents) passed away. So yeah...life huh...

DB- Thank you greatly, as always, for the continued support. You are very generous with your time and posts. It really does mean a lot 💗

Yeah, I'm so used to "not answering" to anyone so to suddenly have a GP poking and prodding me again (so to speak) is upsetting my sense of control. Why am I such a control freak (sigh?) Rhetorical question...no need to answer. I already know the answer lol.

I hope you sorted things out with the real estate agent. You sound like you're good at standing up for yourself so hopefully things worked out. We are cheering you on at the sidelines 😉

Lol @ charging for the hugs and love. I bet business is booming 😉 Thanks for making me smile.

Butterfly Wings- I appreciate the vote of confidence. Thank you.

Your posts are always very caring especially as I know you're going through a lot so it means that much more when you visit...

Yes, well, I manage to get to work most days 😉 Thanks also for the organisational tips.

My diary is actually pretty messy at the moment. I scrawl quickly then sometimes can't read my own handwriting as a result. I also use my phone calendar for reminders but sometimes I just hit "snooze" when a reminder sounds without reading it. Ooops...

Loving the hugs. Sending some your way too especially considering your most recent news. Thinking of you and keeping hope alive ❤️

Everyone- take care this weekend.

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Morning everyone,

Just a quick (short n' sweet) visit to say hi and to say that I'm taking a mini break from the forums...probably for at least a few days.

I'm not coping very well at the moment. I don't always articulate the extent that I'm hurting and am prone to facetiousness, glossing things over and just not writing about certain things at all in an attempt to build a big concrete wall between me and, well, myself. I have been known to turn psych sessions into one big joke in the past (don't even ask).

I have just done a full face of makeup and am about to head out; the worse I feel, the more I fixate on my appearance. Overcompensation much (?)

I have avoided my offline friends all weekend as I don't have the energy to put on one big show of being happy. I'm wiped...I spent a good portion of the day yesterday with my earphones in. Music is my "medicine" of choice.

I don't want happy songs, I want epically sad songs when I'm struggling. Happy songs emotionally drain me when I feel sad...it's like the songs are forcing me to feel something that I don't which ends up making me feel worse. Sad songs actually nurture me more when I'm hurting.

So I'll be spending the next few days doing things that nurture me. I realise it's a position of privilege too as I'm neither a carer nor a parent so the only person I'm responsible for at the end of the day is, well, me. I'm not saying that to put myself down but it's just my honest thoughts on the matter. So I'm going to make the most of that privilege 😉

So yeah...heading out to check out some music and art scenes- solo.

Sometimes we just gotta be alone (even if it's being "alone" in a crowd).

Sending love to all,

Pepper xoxoxoxoxo 💗💗

[quirkywords]

Pepper,

I hope you come back nurtured, and relaxed.

I am glad you are giving time to yourself as you give a lot of your time to this forum.

Kind thoughts

Quirky xo

[demonblaster]

Dear lovely Peps, (( no charge )), yeah darl the bank accounts growing lol, made me smile knowing it gave you one 🙂

Really care about you darl, so sorry you're struggling so much lately.
Thx letting us know where you're at and that you're taking time out.

Like your honesty btw

thx for saying & ditto you also give so much time helping and being there for others, hope you realise how much you're appreciated and what a lovely person your are.

Overcompensating with appearance in these times, I don't think so hun, opposite actually, great that you're keeping your appearance up, so often it's the opposite, we lose interest and don't care, good self respect & liking you're not letting the beast get you in appearance, nice going. Strength. Would make you feel that bit better about yourself aye (Y) Like

Yeah fair enough re music, glad you have something to give some comfort in these cruel times, I don't mind sad songs, they can help bring out a few tears or relate I guess, not that i listen to music often but do love a lot of songs, esp love ones which as Dad yrs ago to Mum once said, most songs are about love. Truth although poor Dad I argued the point, took ages to come up with one, dahhh glad I'm not the cow I was in those days, teenage sads.

My heart really is with you darl, here's another freebie, sshhh, don't tell anyone, I'll have the mafia on me in no time, ((( xxx )))

Looking forward to your return when you're ready lovely bach mate 😄

Enjoy your music and art scenes. Thoughts & care friend