Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Sophie_M]

Hi Saree_p,  We can imagine how difficult this would be. We're really glad you could share this with our community. We really want to encourage you to call our professional mental health counsellors on 1300 22 4636. We'd love to help you process any distress you might be experiencing. If you find yourself in a situation where you are an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you should call 000. 
 
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our counsellors, or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). All of these options are available through webchat, if you'd prefer: 

• Beyond Blue 
• Lifeline 
• The Suicide Call Back Service 

We're so sorry to hear about what's going on with your employers, we can imagine how much this would shake your confidence. We do understand if you're not currently feeling up to raising this issue with the ombudsman, but we do hope you know that this is an option.  Please do share more about how you're feeling with us, the community is here for you. 

Kind regards,
Sophie M

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Just checking in with you Saree to say a friendly hello. Sorry you are not going well and are feeling really down.

You say your meds are not where they should be. Who is monitoring them?

It probably feels quite daunting to have to consider re-training or changing career, but I have every faith in you. You are a very capable and resilient young woman who always rises to a challenge. You can get through this Saree I believe in you, please believe in yourself.

Poppy & I are safe and well, thanks for asking.

Sending you positive thoughts and a great big hug xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗👋

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

Waiting for psychiatrist appointment on Tuesday. Then got another specialist Wednesday. Also had massive troubles with gallbladder, so prob need to look at surgery for that.

glad you are both well Jojo. I gather poppy is recovering etc?

My psychologist got me thinking on Thursday. Basically everything is up in the air in my life, including my relationship. I just dont see the point anymore.

Sorry, wish I was more positive.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Hope your appointment with your psychiatrist goes well today. Hopefully he can sort out your medication and get you feeling a bit better.

Sorry to hear you are having major problems with your gallbladder and might need surgery. As if you don’t have enough to deal with already, but maybe once that is sorted out you might improve both physically and mentally.

It sounds like your psychologist has got you thinking and reviewing where you are in life which can be really helpful, but also quite confronting too. Try not to overwhelm yourself. You may be at a crossroads, but you have options to explore.

I would love to know how your appointments go, but only if you feel like sharing xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗👋

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

It didn't. He cancelled both appointments. Again.

Give up with all this shit. It's just too hard when you have to keep annoying everyone.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Thanks for bringing me up to date. I’m so sorry your appointments were cancelled. Did they explain why? It made me really angry that they are stuffing you around instead of being supportive.

Also you are not annoying anyone, simply trying to get help with your mental and physical health.

Have your appointments been rebooked?

If I were you I would be considering making a formal complaint about the poor service you are receiving (you might not feel up to that right now, but maybe down the track you may want to pursue this so that hopefully others don’t have to suffer like you have).

My thoughts are with you xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🙋‍♀️

[Saree_p]

Thanks Jojo

But please don't worry, there is no point. I was just told he was sick, but then I got a phone call from him later asking if my health insurance would cover a program.... so sounds like a lie.

Just feel I'm not worth the time or space atm. Nothing is going right.

And now my mother is angry at me because I'm not up to baby sitting her today. I just cant again

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I do worry because at times you are not getting very good health care and you could quite easily fall through the cracks. You deserve so much better. You are worth something and do matter. Don’t ever forget that.

It sounds unrealistic for you to be expected to take care of your Mum atm when you have enough going on in your own life. Sometimes it is really hard to say ‘no’ especially to family, but it is important to practise self-care too. Don’t feel bad or guilty for putting your own health first.

Hope you get your appointments sorted out soon xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗👋

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

I am trying, but seriously. I'm constantly in pain atm with one problem or another, I keep failing everyone, and I seem to be nothing but a burden. It's two jobs in 6 months. I can't support my mother post-surgery. I am not far off being stuck in bed again.

Jojo, I wish I had a friend like you around. Someone to just go and have coffee with or someone I could trust to see me at my worst and not run.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Saree_P, 

We are so sorry to hear how low you’re feeling. We can hear you’re dealing with a lot of pain, and we can imagine how hard that must be over time. Please know that we’re here for you, and you can call us on 1300 22 4636.   

We are concerned about you, so one of our counsellors will be reaching out to you privately.  If you feel like you’re unsafe, this is an emergency and it’s important you call 000 straightaway. 

You are an important part of this community, and we appreciate how hard it must be to reach out when you’re feeling this way. You have shared so much kindness with other community members, Saree_P, and we hope you can be kind to yourself in finding support through this difficult time. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M