Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

I did listen to it, just wish I could believe it.

Work probably won't be the end of the world but then after days like today I simply want to surrender. I just dont have the will power to face the days anymore. Its so hard.

You got much planned this week Jojo?

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

You may find it hard to believe the lyrics of the song so I will believe them for you. You think your lost on your own but I for one will always be here for you, willing you on towards wellness.

What was your day like today that has you feeling so bad and unable to face the future? You sound so overwhelmed.

Have you recovered from your last appointment with your psychologist which seemed to really unsettle you and cause you a huge amount of anxiety?

You are so brave and strong to have come this far with the obstacles you are facing concerning work and your mental health.

I am going to a singing for fun group tomorrow. No fishing this week as I have a hair appointment and also thunderstorms are forecast. Trying to get organised for Christmas so have been untangling my solar lights! My neighbours already have their lights up which looks really pretty.

What are your plans for Christmas or is it too difficult to even think about? It can often be a very stressful time if you are not feeling well. Try and be kind to yourself and perhaps try and keep it low key this year if you’re not feeling up to all the festivities.

Take good care of yourself Saree xox With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

No still not recovered.

Work is just too much atm, just have to get through this week but feels so insumountable. Everything just feels like a monumental task that I can never accomplish.

Christmas will be hectic and I pretty much work straight after again.

So I work the 24th 8.30-5 so leave at 8am. Return home to change and drop company car off then travel over to grandmothers (30 mins away) have christmas eve dinner etc - late night.

Next morning have to get up and make a salad (as have no time previously) and then go to partners for lunch/afternoon. My mother aso wants to fit something in - god knows why.

Boxing day we head to dad's parents for lunch bbq.

Just all hectic.

What about you? plans?

Psychologist and psychiatrist next week. Really not sure the point anymore. Just all too hard.

Sorry Jojo

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sorry to hear you are still struggling with work. Are you finding it hard to concentrate as that can often be a major challenge?

You certainly are having a hectic Christmas break. Try and have some time for yourself in amongst all that busyness.

I am spending Christmas Day with 3 of my best friends which I am really looking forward to. Definitely won’t be hectic, but will be very enjoyable. I will be catching up with another good friend on Boxing Day for a nice relaxing walk and coffee.

Both my parents have passed away and my brother is still homeless somewhere (I never did manage to track him down) so I don’t have to try and fit in all the rellies like you do.

I hope your appointments go well next week with your psychiatrist and psychologist. There is a point in seeing them as they are there to help you even though it might not feel like it at times.

With lots of love and best wishes Jojo 🌼🤗🎶

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

It’s okay if you don’t reply to this as I know how busy you are. I just wanted to wish you a happy Christmas and good health for 2021.

I hope your appointments with your psychologist and psychiatrist went well and were helpful.

Take care over this festive season and try to have some quiet time for yourself if at all possible. Although it sounds like it’s going to be ultra hectic.

I’m quite sad atm as my best friend’s Mum passed away last week. I was close to her too. She was a really lovely person. So I have a funeral to go to after Christmas. The good thing is she passed away peacefully in her sleep.

With every best wish lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🎄

[Saree_p]

Oh dear Jojo,

I'm so sorry. Hope you are ok.

Christmas ended up being bizarre. I do not feel like we have had Xmas at all.

I found out the week before that I had an ectopic pregnancy pregnancy and have been in and out of hospital. Awaiting for more results tomorrow.

Hope the funeral goes a a best as it can.

Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I was really sorry to hear you have had an ectopic pregnancy. That is a lot to deal with and especially around Christmas time.

I hope this new year has much better things in store for you Saree as last year is one you would probably be glad to leave behind.

I am keeping a close eye on my best friend atm as she suffers from depression and we couldn’t book the funeral until 7th January. She seems to be coping so far, but because she was very close to her Mum I have a feeling her emotions might catch up with her later.

So wishing you a happier and healthier 2021 xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🥳

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

So sorry. You are such a good friend though and your friend is lucky to have you watching out for her.

It's still ongoing and a shit way to start 2021. Have all these stupid emotions that I can't logically explain.

Just feeling like such a waste of space. feel quite dead inside.

[Jojo100]

Dearest Saree

I am so sorry you are having such a tough start to the new year. Your emotions are not stupid, but it sounds like they are very complicated and confusing atm. You have a lot on your plate to deal with both physically and mentally.

Are you getting much support with the ectopic pregnancy as that would be very difficult to come to terms with?

Perhaps try writing and see what comes up as that’s often a good way to unravel your emotions and thoughts. Or try drawing even if you only do doodles. In the past many of my doodles have been very insightful.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. So take good care of yourself Saree. I don’t know why you are going through this heartache, all I know is life has a way of working things out even when they are extremely painful xox

With lots of love and hugs Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

Not really getting much support. My psychologist I believe is on holidays.
Don't get me wrong, the emergency department here has been great in responding to issues and most have been sympathetic especially as this was my first pregnancy.

My partner is trying to be supportive but doesn't fully understand. For him we weren't pregnant long enough and the fetus barely existed. He doesn't understand that I'd been pregnant for atleast a month and then it was another couple of weeks before treatment began to work. So hormone levels have only just started dropping back to normal now.

Today was the first day back at work on my new hours and it sucked. It just sucked returning. Just didn't want to people..

Thanks for your thought Jojo