Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

You are not useless or failing. If work is as chaotic as you mentioned before I doubt you are not the only one who is not coping. How are you going today, any better?

Hopefully with time work will settle down again and you will wonder what you were worried about. You are bright, intelligent and quick to learn so hang in there Saree things will turn around.

Stay safe and strong xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

No I'm not doing well.
Just saw psychologist and done nothing but cry since. Not sure what the point is.

Feel worse than ever. Cant keep doing this.

Just so useless.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sorry to hear you are not doing well, but I am glad you saw your psychologist. Crying is exhausting, but it usually is a good emotional release too, so I see that as a good thing.

How is work now - is it less chaotic? And you are not useless, but more likely just tired of being unwell, which is perfectly understandable. The ‘point’ is to get you to a place of stability where you can manage your mental health symptoms. It takes time, but it is possible so don’t give up on yourself.

Take one day at a time and stay safe and strong.

Wishing you well. Lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗👋

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

Sorry, I haven't been up to posting.

Everything is simply falling apart.

Lots has happened, but nothing positive.

Sorry Jojo

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

It’s okay if you don’t feel like posting so you don’t have to be sorry. You haven’t written much, but it still says a lot. You sound overwhelmed and everything seems to be going wrong.

By everything falling apart I assume you mean work, relationships and day to day living which is a lot to deal with (correct me if I’m wrong).

Are you able to go to work or is it still too chaotic?

Previously you mentioned you are seeing your psychiatrist in December. Is that coming up soon? Hopefully that will give you some extra support by reviewing your current situation and symptoms.

So keep on keeping on Saree. You will get through this very difficult time. I know you can make it as you’re strong and resilient.

And only post if you feel up to it. Put all your energy into getting well and through this episode xox

Wishing you well. With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐👋

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

How are you doing?

You're one of the few people I can talk to who actually understands and gets it.

Work.... didnt go today because planned to do stuff.
Really beyond caring anymore.

Psychiatrist isn't till 23rd.

My partner is constantly upset and frustrated with everything which then = me.

I'm so tired of the fight Jojo. I dont want to anymore

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Hang in there Saree the fight is worth it. Stability and managing your mental illness is possible. I am proof of that. So don’t give up on yourself.

I mentioned before whether you and your partner would consider couples counselling. Have you given that any thought? It might help ease the frustration your partner is going through and take the pressure off of you.

As for me, I am going well thanks. I am really enjoying fishing although we have had a pandemic of blow fish 🐡 and small crabs 🦀 lol! Not so many edible fish but it is still good fun.

How is your general health now, any better?

If possible try and get out and do some of the things that you love such as bowling or netball. It will keep your mind occupied.

Hope you manage to get everything you need to done today. Take care and hopefully things will start to improve xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🙋‍♀️

[Saree_p]

Glad you have enjoyed fishing despite the obstacles

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

I guess I am just updating you on events. I currently feel so lost as the world no longer makes sense.

Saw my psychologist today - been in nothing but a panic/anxiety since. Went to work and had to leave in under an hour. Such a failure.

Work is planning to reduce my hours next year, as it's been realised I am simply not coping. My partner isn't too happy with me that I am not coping and simply doesn't understand. I feel a slight bit of relief but then at the same time, I am so disappointed in myself for doing nothing but failing.

I don't know what life holds anymore. I surrender trying. I quite. Finite, done.

Sorry, I was trying to be more upbeat.

Thanks Jojo for being a good friend.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Thank you for bringing me up to date with how you are travelling. I just wish I could give you a great big hug as I know the aloneness you are experiencing and how horrible it is when ppl don’t understand (especially ppl who are close to you).

Reducing your hours next year may not be such a bad thing as it would give you a bit of breathing space. I got to the point where I couldn’t cope working full time and switched to doing three days a week (Wednesday through to Friday).

This was one of the best decisions I ever made and was such a relief. So it’s not a failing - just fine tuning a part of your life.

Please don’t quit Saree! You have come so far and have been so stoic through it all. Did you ever google the song I mentioned before: I Won’t Let Go by Tuva and Mia? There’s a line which goes: “You’re going to make it yeah I know you can make it” which is what I am believing for you xox

You are in my thoughts and prayers dear friend. Lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🙏