Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

The migraine stopped after getting medication from the doctor. She was also really concerned about my MH.

Got asked to come back to work and assist in training for a couple of weeks, agreed and said I can always do it remotely if unable to attend the office.

Mood has really picked up since day-light savings though, (last couple of days). Applied for uni again, getting stuff done 😊, really my mood has felt stable just my health has been deteriorating. So decided I don't need to be on medication anymore as feel good, and everyone keeps telling me it is not a problem. 😋😎

How are you traveling?

I really am in the mood to get out and about, go do stuff and see things. Went to the shops today and had to resist the urge to spend money on books. Brought a baby shower gift and a couple of books for me. Got the drive to learn things, so got some factual books about the human body mapping system - because atm that has taken my fancy.

hope you are well dear friend, and the mugginess hasn't begun yet. 🙄

Party on, Saree 😎🐉🐱‍🐉🐱‍🐉

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Glad to hear your mood is much better. Since you are helping with training at work does that mean you have your job back?

You sound so much better and quite positive. What are you going to study at uni? That’s great you are keen to read and learn new things.

Hopefully you have turned a corner now and will continue to remain stable. So yes continue to party on Saree you deserve to have a break from all the dark times you have endured.

I am travelling well. I have been trying to get my garden in order, but the weeds got the better of me! So I arranged for a local gardener to come and help me. What an improvement and now all I have to do is keep on top of things. Happy days!

So take care and enjoy this positive phase xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🐞🍀

[Saree_p]

Boo Jojo,

Yes weeds can be a hindrance hey... glad you got help 😊

Defiantly been a better week. Yes have the job back, not sure what changed but they asked me back. Unfortunately one of the new ones has an issue with me which is turning into a bullying situation but at the moment I am simply laughing it off.

My partner and I have had 2 fights over the medication... well issues every day and night. He keeps asking if I am taking them etc. In all honestly, I have been lying to him.... because he won't listen to me when I say I don't need them or don't want to take them. We are discovering that I have gallbladder issues as well (which has been being investigated for a year now). So my liver is diagnosed as a fatty liver (despite me being a size 😎 and my body is simply not coping with processing the medication. I've come off it for a few days now and am feeling amazing, starting to remember the feeling of cloud 9 again! can't wait till the medication is fully out of my system!.

I've gotten so much done, mind the house looks like a bomb has hit because of me jumping from one thing to another. I've got an appetite again (keep forgetting to eat though and then am like starving!!!) I even have a sex drive again. - Which is the only thing my partner is not upset about lol.

My silly father hurt himself because he was working with machinery when it was wet and slipped. He ended up with a crush injury and didn't get it seen to for nearly 10 hours. Stubborn old man. he ow has a fractured lower leg and extensive bruising and swelling. they are unsure whether he will regain full muscle function of his leg or not atm.

any plans for the week Jojo?

Singing and dancing the night away, Saree.

[Saree_p]

Got sent home from work again today! My boss came out and had a talk with me after I apparently started dancing around the office. I seriously don't get what everyone's problem is. She wasn't mean, she just said I'd done enough and deserved the rest of the day off. But as this was at 12ish, I do not believe it. She made clear I had a lot of energy.

I feel fantastic, but these sorts of things make me wonder if I should be worried, yet I don't think I should be. Who the hell knows......

Just enrolled in study! Booked a flight - not sure when its for or where to - that was too hard, but the sites are open.

Really need to go.... can't wait.... the world awaits, who knows what is to come.

Gotta head to netball tonight. I hope I can play - physically sucked couple of weeks ago.

the world will know

Wanna jump in the car and go for a trip.

Walked into a book shop and partner got upset with how much I spent.

hey look at it.... WW lol

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I am so glad you got your job back and I don’t want to be the one to burst your bubble, but you do sound rather manic which can feel like cloud 9 though if you are not careful you can very quickly end up on cloud 99!

So please try and find a way to ground yourself instead of jumping from one activity to another. Don’t risk losing your job again as that obviously is very important to you. Your life is in your hands so please make wise decisions.

That’s great you are going back to study as you seem to really thrive on learning. Was sorry to hear you have problems with your gallbladder and liver. Are you having treatment for that?

With Covid now does not seem like the ideal time to be flying anywhere or taking off on a road trip, but that is entirely your call. Please try and think things through before jumping in.

Have you got any psych appointments coming up?

Please take good care of yourself xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🙃

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

Your not bursting my bubble. My partner keeps getting annoyed at me.

We have had another massive fight.

Work was awesome and im now part of the leadership team.

But then everything is just everywhere and yeah we had a fight.

I cant do this. I'm so happy and he just ruins it. He keeps blaming me.

Sorry I meant to reply yesterday morning when couldn't sleep.... but kept getting side tracked... same all day.

Your probably right jojo

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Well done for being made part of the leadership team. That is a really positive turnaround and shows you are very good at your job.

This is where bipolar sucks. You have every reason to be on cloud nine, but others around you might see it as having an elevated mood which is probably causing the disagreements you are having with your partner. If you are truly managing then try and find a way to reassure your partner by talking calmly and sensibly.

Are you still seeing your psychiatrist?

I had a bit of an ordeal today. I went to the dentist with a broken filling. Unfortunately he couldn’t repair it so he ended up doing an extraction. This was really difficult as it was a molar 🦷 and when he tried to pull it out it broke leaving the roots! He had to get another dentist to help him dig the roots out. It took them almost an hour, but felt like an eternity. I then needed a few stitches. The moral of this story is: look after your teeth!

Hope you have had a better start to the week than I! xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🐞

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

No psychiatrist till 23rd dec. Psyhokogist this Thursday but dont want to go.

Yes getting treatment for gut stuff but more and more testing. Just been told to start having a new diet and trial foods I haven't been able to have due to intolerance for 7 years.

He keeps telling me im high but I think the opposite.... so who do u believe?

Yucky yucy yuck..... dentist..... so much sympathy your way dear friend!!!

[Saree_p]

Hey hoo,

Psychologist appointment today.... partner came with me so I'd go..... complete waste of time!! both of them tried ganging up on me telling me that there is an issue. But I'm like bloody why.

She was talking about getting to the psychiatrist asap, the useless mh team or hospital. She even demanded I see her in 2 weeks, which the receptionist missed the memo and ended up booking in for 2.5 weeks.

I am doing extremely well at work, being set up into hierarchy.

About to ask my sister to be my Bridesmaid on the weekend. Already as my matron of honour lol. just now need to give her her gift.

I don't know...... I am fine. I've took my antipsychotic as needed last week due to beingings of things.... but I am fine. I am not going back on my meds. I feel way to good. I am driven and successful.
 

Hows it with you jojo?

I am a bit frustrated and irritated by them and some others. ... give up... copied some crap in the work place of late, but hierarchy are loving me, so its a chase of strug of the negatvity and go my merry way 🤩🥳😇👅😎

I dont' need my meds, nor any mh intevention.... i just need to be left alone and accepted.

[Saree_p]

Kinda perplexed and maybe this is me ruminating. Should I be worried.

I don't like people being annoyed at me. but I get upset with them becuase they have no reason to be annoyed with me.

I'm off my meds and have been fine.... what is everyones issue?