Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Please don’t hurt yourself Saree. I was really worried when I read that and very glad your partner was there to stop you. The ‘point’ is to get you well and enjoying life again because you have a whole lot to offer and a whole lot of living to do.

I am glad you managed to get an earlier appointment with the psychologist so please stay safe for that. When is your next appointment with the psychiatrist?

I feel your pain and frustration with the mental health system, but don’t take it out on yourself. When you are in the right headspace why don’t you write a letter of complaint at the lack of support in your area. If nothing else it raises awareness and you never know it might actually do some good. There must be others suffering just like you are.

I don’t have much planned for this week so far except to visit a friend who has depression and take her out for lunch. I also need to start weeding my garden as the rain has got them sprouting up everywhere!

So please look after yourself, stay strong and see what the psychologist has to say on Wednesday.

You are in my thoughts and prayers xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

My next psychiatrist appointment is next Wednesday. We had another bad night. Police and ambulance, restrained trip to the hospital. But like last time nothing happened this morning.

The assessing psychiatrist told my partner that he couldn't guarantee my safety.

My partner rang our psychiatrist and just informed him of what was happening and the little support we are getting. he also took the day off and came to my psychologist appointment. I feel completely over all this, I feel so useless after the appointment. I feel like a complete waste of space. plus 1001 other feelings. Quite upset I guess.

How's the weather there? It's horrible here.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I am sorry to hear things are really bad for you right now and you have had another restrained trip to hospital. Please try and stay safe so that you can avoid going through this horrible experience.

How did the appointment with your psychologist go? Was it of any help? And Saree you are not a waste of space. You are unwell and struggling through immense difficulties with very little support.

Don’t lose hope dear friend. You have managed to get this far which shows just how strong you are. I wish there was more I could do to help you, however, all I can do is sit with you and listen. You are not alone.

Could you please promise me not to hurt yourself anymore as it would put my mind at rest? I really care about you and would hate it if anything happened to you xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🙋‍♀️

ps the weather is a bit mixed atm around 16 and cloudy. Due for some heavy rain on the weekend.

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo

I dont know Jojo. I've just tried to get everything back online and to work but failing.

I've pretty much destroyed our relationship. He's so hurt. I always eventually create bombs where I go.

How am I supposed to keep facing the world?

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Welcome back. What has been happening with you in the last week or so? Did you see your psychiatrist?

It sounds like you have had a falling out with your partner. Hopefully this can be resolved with time. You have been going through an emotional nightmare which is not your fault, but all part of your illness.

If your partner doesn’t understand what is happening could you get your psychologist or psychiatrist speak to him and explain the situation? Do you feel the medication is helping you?

Take good care of yourself xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

Lots has happened, lots of hospital visits.
Seen both pwychiatrist and psychologist. Decision is to wait this period out.

Meds are helping.

Just so tired Jojo, tired of fighting.

Had psychology appointment today and feel so shit I didn't make it to work. Useless me.

How are you?

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Be kind to yourself! You are not useless! Most people would find it extremely difficult to go to work following a session with their psychologist as it stirs up all sorts of emotions. It’s no wonder you are tired because therapy is exhausting, but it is worth fighting on so that you can have a brighter future.

How are things between you and your partner now? Better I hope.

How are you spending your days? Do you still sleep a lot?

I am well thanks for asking. I have been helping a friend who has depression. I took her out for lunch and we had salt & pepper squid. Yum!

Spring is almost here. I saw some everlastings in flower on the weekend. This is my favourite season. What about you?

I know it’s hard, but this time will pass and hopefully the road will become less bumpy and with fewer pot holes. Hang in there Saree and stay strong xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🦑

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

Just keep stuffing everything up. Everything I try falls apart.

Tieed of trying to get help when constantly feels like its a complete waste.

How do you do it Jojo?

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

It sounds like you are still having a tough time which is impacting on every aspect of your life. I am sorry you feel like everything is falling apart. Someone once told me that “out of chaos comes change” which I found to be true.

I think you are in the chaos of trying to work through your mental health issues which at times feels overwhelming and as though you are not getting anywhere. All I can tell you is you have to weather the storm and go through it before you can find a sense of stability.

I had to go through the turmoil of counselling too and it takes time to get in a good headspace and to heal the trauma. I was lucky I also had a really good case manager who filled the gaps between psych appointments. I wish you had that sort of support too.

As I have mentioned before, once I was on medication that was at the optimum dosage, life began to improve immensely. I hope this will happen to you too.

Also don’t be so harsh with yourself as you are doing everything you can to get well. If you had a friend going through what you are going through how would you respond? Undoubtedly with care and consideration- so please treat yourself the same way and while you are at it give yourself a big pat on the back for the progress you have made.

Keep your chin up and take good care of yourself xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Sorry for the delays Jojo,

I simply didn't know how to respond.

Moods picked back up but just feel like I am on this constant rollercoaster. One I simply want to end.

I don't know anymore Jojo, getting help is just costing us the earth and seems pointless.

How have you been?