Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Sophie_M]

Hi Saree_p,

You have nothing to apologise for. The fact you're reaching out here is great. And if that's all you're comfortable doing right now, that is fine. Please remember though you can speak with a qualified mental health professional at our support service 24/7 on 1300 22 4636.

In the meantime, please keep checking in and letting us know how you're faring whenever you feel up to it.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

You are not useless or failing, however, you are going through a horrible time with your mental health to say the least. Try not to be so hard on yourself and imagine how you would treat someone else who is going through what you are.

Has something happened at work that makes you want out? They always sounded such an understanding bunch and seemed to really appreciate you and the work you do.

Why don’t you try talking things over with one of the BB counsellors until your psychologist returns? It might really help you just never know.

I wish I could be of more help at this time, but I do think of you and send you positive thoughts and include you in my prayers. You are strong enough to overcome this episode which will take courage and determination (which you have plenty of as you have made it this far).

Take good care of yourself Saree you will get there xox

With lots of love and hugs Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Thanks jojo and Sophie,

Yeah, I've tried to call but then can't. I'm watching the paranoid thoughts start to kick in and just cant.

Work, has changed since I went to hospital and returned. Basically my manager can not cope and we are getting hammered. I simply can't cope with the transition back to work.
I'm not sure how to get more time off work without letting them know I'm not ok.

I just cant do this. I really can't. I don't know how to explain it or tell people.
I'm spending days arguing with myself about ending it all. Then the reality I shouldn't want to because I have so much to look forward to. So why do I feel like I do? Why is it so bad even on my medication?

Sorry Jojo.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

No need to be sorry as I know how tough things are for you right now. I am glad you are able to grasp the reality of having plenty to look forward to once you get through this episode and are able to talk yourself into staying with us.

I don’t know why things are so bad despite being on medication. It may be this needs to be adjusted to find what works best for you. I had problems with that at the beginning - one drug in particular made my mood really low, but it was only in hindsight I realised that.

Would it really be so bad if you told work what is happening with you, especially since you are considering finding another job? I doubt they would want to lose you and seem to be quite invested in keeping you.

Stay safe and be supportive to yourself. You will get through this. I know you can make it even though it is extremely difficult right now.

My thoughts and prayers are with you xox

With lots of love and hugs Jojo 🌼🤗👋

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

It's all fallen apart.

I couldn't get out of bed today, nor think about working. I've been working from my bed for the last several days and today I couldn't even get up.

My partner is annoyed at me, has been ringing me every half an hour to get up. I don't know how to explain to him that I don't care anymore. I know I should care about keeping my job (we need us to), but I don't care. I simply want to sleep. Atm I am also upset with him, but then why? Because he is trying to help me the only way he knows how.

I am such a failure. I can't keep trying to make things work. Hospital was supposed to stabilise the meds, its kinda clear that right now they aren't.

My partner informed me that he rang the psychiatrist and was told he couldn't help till next appointment which is about 3 weeks away.

Jojo, I am sorry. I am just failing. I give up. I really give up. Can't keep holding on to nothing all the time.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Saree_p,

We're so sorry to hear how much you're struggling right now. We're sending you a private email with additional supports as we are worried about you.

We'd encourage you to reach out to out support service via webchat when it opens at 3pm AEST in a little under an hour's time via: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

Our community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. Please keep checking in with us to let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

 

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

First up you are not a failure, however, you are under a lot of pressure to keep working when you are struggling to cope.

I wish you felt comfortable telling work what is going on as that would probably ease your stress and, from what you have told me, they most likely would be very understanding.

I know how terrible it is to not care about anything and just wanting to sleep all the time. Would you consider going back into hospital again as you would be safe there and maybe they could also reassess your meds? Three weeks is a long time to wait to see your psychiatrist. When does your psychologist come back?

I wish I could offer you more support. All I can say is remember this dark time will pass and I know you are strong enough to come out the other end. If hospital is not an option please try ringing one of the helplines and get yourself some extra support.

Thinking of you at this difficult time xox

With lots of love and hugs Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

My psychologist is back next week. I can't be admitted without seeing my psychiatrist (private hospital etc) and I don't want to go the public health route.

My boss will ring tomorrow. we will chat. I am not sure it is a conversation i can have. Hospital was supposed to resolve these issues, not have them reappear within a week.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

That’s good your psychologist will be back next week as it sounds like you definitely need some constructive support.

How did things go with your boss today? I hope you were able to share how you are really feeling rather than continuing to suffer in silence.

Thinking of you at this time and hope life improves for you very soon xox

With lots of love and hugs Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo

Not sure i can make it till when she is back. Trying tho.

No conversation with boss today. She didn't ring. So no idea. 4 interview offers tho atm. But none prob with flexibility around me issues. All is just too hard and doomed right now.