Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Boo dear friend.

How's your knees now?

Daylight savings is this Sunday.

Sorry, this week has been a sudden decline. Bad one too...
Went back to GP today because of xrays and MRI. Ended up discussing this whole mh crap, as she was pushed completely out. We ended up back at the bipolar 2 and PTSD. I've made clear I'm done with this public crap.
She has sent a federal to the private psychiatrist who saw me when maniac (months ago now), and to a new psychologist. So wait some more, and see what happens I guess...

Really hitting a low tho. This one is gonna be bad.

Hope everyone is ok

[smallwolf]

Sorry to hear you are feeling low. I know there is nothing I could really do for you except listen. Sometimes we (read I) have to ride these times out. And I know that you have the strength and patience to make it through as you have done this in times before.

Can you tell me a little about your avatar with the cat in the corner?

I know you have done a lot of study so that might account for the words or numbers on the pages, or floor, and walls. I know what sitting in the corner means, but wondering if there is something else as well.

Tim

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Good to hear from you and sorry you are feeling so low. I am glad you are going back to the private psychiatrist and are going to be seeing a new psychologist. Hopefully they will be more reliable and helpful to you.

Were your MRI and X-ray results okay?

How is work now? Are you getting into the swing of things?

My knees have recovered thank you! I have had a gardener come in and assess my backyard which is all overgrown. I have decided to remove the large, bushy shrubs and replace them with some flowering dwarf native plants. Really looking forward to having it done.

Do you have a garden where you are?

Hope your mood improves soon. Take care xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🐝🦎

[Saree_p]

Thanks Tim and Jojo,

Tim - the photo looks like my cat and I feel like life is an impossible complicated mathematical equation that is impossible. I'm good with maths and numbers etc, but yeah, the situation you should understand but don't.

Jojo, all ok. Just slight break in foot. Ah, netball 🤣
Glad your ok though.

The low is bad and getting worse. Partner has noted g he cycles - so there is no arguing anymore.... but yeah. I've given him the out.

Been so irritable of late, pissed off with everyone, so tired. Plus those fun thoughts.
Whilst he is amazing, not sure he fully understands.

GP did get blunt and said she witnessed a maniac episode.... So bipolar it is.... Just so many diagnosis. So hopefully it'll get cleared up.

But like you said Tim, just gotta pull through. Kinda hard to see how now, but gotta.

Sorry all

[Saree_p]

Hope ur ok Jojo?

Never any pressure for u to respond, just abnormal for you not to, so hope all is ok xx

I have hit the real negative deep end. Couldn't be at work today and went home. Think bf is really struggling with it.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sorry I haven’t been in touch. I am going well, but have been a bit preoccupied with helping a friend who is really struggling atm. Things have settled down now tho so boo!👻

It’s not like you to take time off work so things must be getting worse rather than better? The lows definitely test your endurance, however, you have to push through them and remember the good times.

Have you got an appointment yet for the psychiatrist or psychologist as you definitely need their support?

How is your foot? Is it in plaster or in a moon boot?

Hang in there Saree, don’t give up the fight. You will get there, you are strong enough.

With much love Jojo 🌼💝🦎🐾

[Saree_p]

boo Jojo 👀

Glad things have settled down. Hope your friend is ok.

It hasn't been good - also realised got sick from iron tablets, just coming right from it. Mood is on the up tho 🎶

Literally came home and crashed Monday and yesterday, started picking up last night - despite being sick this morning was really restles, so once physically ok, done lots and lots of housework - now settling into study.

Nah, haven't heard from any of them - doubt it'll be quick.

Think I have to be careful though - If this is the same, I've crashed and been physically exhausted, then I pick up, then crash again. The mini cycles are ok, but this seems to be a bigger one which = worse.

Actually quite pissed off with the community mental health side atm. But just gotta wait for the private side to kick in again.

So will see how we go... can't do a whole heap about it, apart from try to manage it - really need to look into medications if the private one will stick with his diagnosis. Bf can not cope with the lows so well, brings him down a lot and I feel dreadful.

at least got shit done for the first time in a bit!

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Things are going better with my friend thanks and I am well. Sorry you have had a problem with iron tablets. Having physical problems can really bring you down too.

Glad you are on the way up again - not too much I hope! Your bf is on a steep learning curve getting used to the mood swings, but he will get there. I know once I was on a good combination of meds things improved dramatically for me.

Poppy has been chasing frogs 🐸 and blue tongued lizards 🦎 in the garden again. She thinks they are a toy for her to play with! I rescue them and put them in my neighbour’s garden! Don’t tell anyone 😂

Hope your appointments come through for you soon. Thoughts are with you xox

With lots of love dear friend

Jojo 🌼🐝🐾

[Saree_p]

🤣😂 that's gold Jojo!

I'm probably a bit to high, jittery feelings etc. At least I know what's happening and can try to manage.
Poor bf has dealt with the minor ones since living together, but he has been told it's C-PTSD. This episode makes it clear it's not just that.
What I think keeps happening is I get ok, level out, then go a little high n then towards the end of that the flash backs etc increase till they are bad. I get real scared and panicky, then I crash and they continue unless I hit the extreme end, which then trips a complete crash n then this.... it's cycled a few times now.

I know he isn't coping and I guess it's not good when I'm so low he says if there is medication that works we should look at it.... he knows how I feel about medication. But clearly it's not good 😂

Welcome to the rollercoaster of life.... Defiantly happier on this side tho 😊

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Try to slow down and manage your mood so that you don’t go any higher by not being mentally over stimulated. Get enough rest too and exercise is also good.

Yes I think you are right about bipolar, but let’s wait to see what the psychiatrist has to say.

Are you finding the new job stressful or have you settled in?

I found even positive stressors like changing jobs, starting a new relationship, moving house or doing a course could trigger a manic episode in me before I was on meds.

Do you think any of these changes could be affecting you too as you have been through a lot in recent months?

Sending you positive thoughts xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🐸🦎🐾