Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

How was the movie?

Things have gone down hill quickly again.

Work triggered off a lot of shit and yeah. Bad I know.

Just not coping. Over it too. Just frustrated.

Sorry dear friend.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

The movie was really terrible! Almost left part way through. Usually check what movie is about, but didn’t do this time so it’s our own fault.

Sorry you are still doing it tough. You have not been yourself for a while now which is understandable considering what you are going through.

Have you managed to catch up on any sleep yet?

You are in my thoughts and every night I pray you can cope with the emotional roller coaster you are on.

Take care dear friend xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🕯🐉🚤

[Saree_p]

Oh no, bum.

Got a little sleep Friday night. Think about 5 hours. Got a bit more last night.

Medication alterations haven't helped.

I simply hate these dark places.... N bf feels there us traction so all is ok. Want to let him believe it. But the one thing that's worked this week didnt yesterday or today....

Sorry in advance if don't respond xxx

[Lilly99]

Dear Saree,

Thank you for your post .

I am sorry I feel like I haven’t been here for you. I am just not in a good headspace to give to advice .

I just wanted to let you know I care about you. You are a special person dear friend and a fighter.

I am sorry it’s such a struggle.

Take good care of yourself .

lilly

[Saree_p]

Dear Lilly,

That is 100% ok, trust me, I understand. I feel I haven't been there for you very much for a long time now, but I also hoped you knew why etc.

Shit sucks.

I really think I am loosing that hope to keep fighting. Did get it back friday arvo/night, but then work zapped it back out of me. Working on a new job, but its a waiting game. But reality, what will that solve. I am so tired. Over everything being triggered. Over not functioning atm. Just over it. Sorry for being so useless all.

Know I need to focus and think about the positives, dealing with this crap will take a long time, but just need it to stop, as in yesterday! Don't think can take it anymore.

[Lilly99]

Dear Saree,

I know how hard it is to keep fighting . I believe you can do it . I know you can do it.

I see a amazing life ahead of you filled with love and happiness with your bf. Two kids and a Pickett fence.

Please keep going I care for you dearly .

I have been working on the boat . I put a gps saree tracker into it . I can track you wherever you are. Quick smart.

Thinking of you dearest friend

lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I know how hard things are for you right now. Just want you to know I am here for you and you are in my thoughts. However, don’t feel like you have to reply straight away as you have enough to deal with on a daily basis.

I too believe you have a lot of fight in you and hope you can hold onto that. You are strong and very resourceful so fight on Saree. Don’t ever give up as you and your bf have a bright future ahead of you.

Wishing you well xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🐉🚤

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo and Lilly,

I have called in sick to work. Just can't go back.

The dissociation is bad. The flash backs are worse. There is so much I didn't know that happened. I am normally a person that wants to know so can deal with - head on. But I want it to stop. I can't. But it won't.
Bf is wonderful, but emphasis is on future, which I'm trying to fight for, but can't cope with current.
Worried I am screwing this all up to. Think I am

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Well I for one am glad you have called in sick to work. What you are going through must be emotionally and physically exhausting. You need time to process what is happening to you so try focusing on that and getting well.

When do you see the psychologist again?

Your bf sounds pretty solid so I don’t think you can mess things up there. He knows the score now and is still there for you, so stop worrying.

Hang in there dear friend xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🐉🚤

[Saree_p]

Sorry dear friends,
Was supposed to do DBT group today. Apparently I didn't make it out the door, think someone knocking on the door set me off badly.

Sorry Jojo, I don't know. I get the impression she is a way. Tried touching base on Monday- but didn't want to waste her time. She previously said if don't touch bad Monday will Thursday week, so I is that this week or coming week. Who knows.

It's all getting worse. Not working. Bf is not sleeping, because I am not without bad nightmares apparently.

I can't do this. I said I couldn't do another week like the last and it's been worse. How?

I just can't. I should be able.to. Sorry