Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Please try one more time with the psychiatrist as a lot has happened since you were last seen. You need help and remember your GP is away.

Did you break down at work because of your housemate or because you are not going well?

I don’t see why your bf’s family wouldn’t welcome you as you seem a perfect match for their son. Dare to hope & dare to believe!

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Jojo, it's the CAT Team.
...
It'll go badly and then what.
I'll try, heading that way for shack anyways.

Combination I think. Today was really good, despite mood. But after it, I couldn't function. I just couldn't.
Just can't.
Doing sleepover tonight, morning shift, then staff meeting, I just can't. And uni started today, and have to deal with work training. And just can't. Everything is falling apart. I know it's not the end of the world and house mate is being a pain and hurtful, but it's just too much. It shouldn't be, but it is. And I feel guilty.

Don't feel I deserve it Jojo. Apparently his pop said we remind him of himself back in his 20s. They fly out tomorrow, I can't make the airport, but got hugs and goodbyes today before work ... apparently we have to visit them, and bf (who never takes holidays) agreed eagerly. He is even scaring himself lol. Apparently holidays are now a good thing.

Oh Jojo.

How was your day? Week. I'm so sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Of course you deserve good relationships, everyone does, but not everyone meets the right person - sounds like you might have. Stop overthinking things and just enjoy each moment.

Sounds like work is extra demanding atm and now you have uni too. I am glad you have a couple of days off soon.

Please get the psychiatrist out of the way then you can enjoy your time off.

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

No point Jojo.

CAT Team psychiatrist simply thinks it's complex PTSD and my mood is dictated by stressors.
He refuses to medicate and will resend the same letter the GP he did last time after seeing me for 3 mins.

I'm done Jojo. In the car in tears, just so over it.

Saree

[Saree_p]

So who knows.

Private psychiatrist says one thing, CAT one says another.

Give up big time atm.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Aw love I am so sorry you are being mucked around it must be so frustrating and upsetting. What happens now, do you go and see your GP next week? When do you see the psychologist?

Are you doing anything special on your days off?

Take good care of yourself xox

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

No idea at this point Jojo, I just can't.

The CAT psychiatrist didn't even listen, he asked about stressors, tried telling him about current housemate debacle in short and apparently my housemate isn't paying rent.... the psych made up his own story....It was a random convo but proved he wasn't even listening or willing to.

Jojo, not sure there is any point anymore. No one can tell me what the issue is

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I am so angry with the way you are being treated I can’t even find the words to express it.

Please don’t lose hope. You have managed to get through all these past weeks with very little support.

I would keep the appointment with the psychologist and the GP next week and meantime consider sharing with your bf what has happened. Hopefully he can help you through until your next appointment.

Try and do something nice for yourself now to make yourself feel better. You have so many good times ahead of you with your bf don’t give up on that.

Stay safe & strong xox

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

I am sorry. I shot through to the shack. I just can't people anymore.

Did let the bf kind of know. He doesn't see any issues with me and thats partly I think as he does love me - the idiot.

What's this now Jojo? 3 months since breakdown?

Housemate has basically said I am abusive, so head is in a spin. CAT psychiatrist and just people treat me like a constant annoying problem, yet all I have done is what I have been asked to. I just can't face the world or anyone anymore. Literally drove hours away. Half the state away at the moment.

BF wanted me to stay with him tonight - mainly cause he only saw me for 45 mins today, apparently its not enough. But I couldn't Jojo. I don't have the fight anymore. All I have done is kept fighting. I should never have gone today.

I am so so sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I‘m not sure what the shack is. I presume it some sort of holiday chalet. I can understand you wanting time to yourself considering what’s happening, but don’t shut your bf out. He’s not an idiot and really cares about you.

Are you going to be safe in the shack? Will you keep in contact with your bf by phone? He will need to know if you are okay. Talk to him. Let him help.

How is your mood at the moment, is it up or down?

Take good care and stay safe xox

With love your friend Jojo 🌼