Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

If you are a certified nutcase then that means I am too lol!

I can understand why the psychiatrist got a bit frustrated, rather than annoyed, with you if you were spinning around and bouncing around at the appointment.

That’s happened to me when I have been manic and did you talk too much as well? That often goes hand in hand.

You do need help Saree and soon as you don’t want this to start affecting your work. You probably feel great, but it won’t last and is not safe. Trust me I know. One time I was taken to hospital by the police as I was walking up the middle of a busy road. I felt great, but was away with the fairies!

Do you see your GP tomorrow? Did the CAT team contact you today?

Take good care of yourself xox

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

ps I enjoyed the movie Rocketman. It was quite sad in parts. The ending is really good where he sings I’m Still Standing.

[Saree_p]

Boo Jojo,
Sorry, been a busy busy morning/arvo, just got to work for overnight - bored already.

No CAT team did not contact, and now I am at work, will prob be seeing GP before them lol.
Yeah GP appointment pretty much straight after I knock off, which is annoying cause need to get a cooking. Not sure I wanna go anyways, she sounded as though she would commit me.

Gotta cook a couple more cakes, need more than what came out, probably my bad cooking lol.

I did try to sleep last night but seriously couldn't. Was still up at 6am, was tired enough to go to bed then. Even drank 3/4 of a bottle of wine, pretty sure it's the only reason slept at all. Was back up at 8am.

Went and brought a netball yesterday, so been having fun with that. Sister asked if I'd rejoin her team potentially (Just local, nothing high level) next season.

[Saree_p]

Jojo,
How can it be such a big issue if it hasn't been before? I seriously thought this was all normal, and every just knows it as the happy bouncy eccentric me. The one that exercise a lot, loves to be outdoors or drills into stuff.... the psychiatrist was surprised this is my study state. I told him I literally work on everything all at once. I go through periods I can't study or struggle and this is the catch up time. I can literally smash out 4 weeks of full time study in 5-6 days. Plus assignments

It just shocked me that yesterday everyone was treating me like it was suddenly this huge issue that needed immediate attention.

He said "what would you think if you saw someone else avring like this? You can't posdibly think this behaviour is normal"

Have finally eaten! Got to leaving for work and house mate said I needed to eat something. Apparently I hadn't all day.

And I am rambling.

But in session, i rambled a little, not much. More did tangents. Brain was thinking about tons of other stuff that was more interesting.

What if they have it wrong?

Sorry Jojo... I'm probably annoying you. I hope not, Sorry if I do.

Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Please go to the GP and see if she can give you something? Not sleeping is the worst thing possible for you atm.

Good luck with your cake making. Hope it turns out the way you want it to. Netball would be good for you to burn up all your extra energy.

Are you taking your date to the birthday party?

Thoughts are with you xox

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Wondrous Jojo,

As he asked me to meet his family at his birthday dinner next weekend, and last night was so nice, I decided to invite him - it's be one positive of going- but put the ball in his court. He agreed, but I'm giving him an out lol

What did you get up to today Jojo?

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

That’s lovely if your friend comes to the party - a bit of support for you- and hopefully your family will behave themselves! Sounds like you really enjoy each other’s company.

I am not up to much today except for housework. It is pouring with rain so won’t be venturing out.

Hope work isn’t too boring for you. Can’t you do a puzzle?

Take care xox

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Wondrous Jojo,

Clients have been unwell, so both quite tired. Other staff member just cancelled their shift so I've been asked and agreed to work solo.

I've got soduko and a haired puzzle book with me, also a book or two to read. Now the chaos is over, we are chilling and listening to jazz.

We do indeed Jojo. It's actually scaring me a lot. It's easy, and we laugh. I actually can't believe it. Never thought there would be anyone after the ex.
And I have to be honest, physical attraction is there for both of us.
I'm worried that this apparent mania is causing it but I don't think so.
It's hard to explain, there is just a comfort and ease. It is very quick, but it feels right. I don't know. I'm over thinking everything.
I'm pretty sure my mother will leave me alone about dating after seeing him. But to a degree, wanna just keep him for me lol.

Oh Jojo. Housework. Yay. I too got so much of that done 😂

Hope you have a wonderful rest of night.
I get free run at work, yay.

Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I love sudoku puzzles, but what is haired?

I think it is really lovely you have made a friend you can laugh with and relate to. It sounds very natural so don’t be scared or overthink things too much. Enjoy the now.

Hope you don’t get lonely being there all by yourself xox

Your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo,
I think I am typing to fast and skim reading, makes sense in my head. Varied puzzles.

I probably will, but atm I am enjoying it emensly, as don't have to worry about others.
Will have to deal with the boss around tea time, but he loves me and I've just saved his was a again, so I'm good.

Probably just finding it harder than normal go stay inside tho. But rules say I can't leave the premise.

I confess I am scared to crash, cause I struggle to people for days. Don't want him to see that or make excuses etc.

GP will probably loose her marbles at CAT Team now lol. It's about the only positive I can see to attending tomorrow. But th a t may 100% back fire on me

Just be happy, don't worry....

Problem with work Jojo got so so so much stuff I want to do and could be doing but I'm here lol. Already scouted the house to see if can cook, clean, do anything..... But either nothing or done it in 5 mins flat.

Ah.

Thank you wonderful friend. I am a little rambling.

Saree

[Saree_p]

CAT team rang.

Too late to do anything tonight, but will be seeing me tomorrow afternoon sometime.

Jojo, master chef is on here.

Thoughts are with you.