Reality check - Anxiety, Depression, PTSD

[Mathy]

Hi All, I live with PTSD, Anxiety and Depression. My PTSD is pretty good, but the other 2 monsters not so. Last year I had arrived at a point where I was medication free, happy and functioning well. Then moving house and an incident at work left me back in the hole again. The work incident was a combination of a complete restructure of my hours and change of leadership - too much change, not handled well. I got suspended, and the process wasn’t handled well, so I bailed out of work for 3 weeks. In 6 years I’ve had 11 managers and #12 arrived 6 months ago, along with a change of 2/3 under managers. New manager is ok (but clueless) and the 2 new “under managers” are inclined to be variously, aggressive, rude and sarcastic. I guess that’s the reality of the “fast paced” world of retai - ha!

Slowly, over the last 6 months I’ve struggled to go to work, get out of bed, lost motivation, and lost the enjoyment of playing my sport - which ironically is important for maintaining my mental health. Sport is golf - so, exercise, challenge, discipline and friendships. I’m single, so this is important to me.

2 weeks ago I ran myself through a checklist and realised that I was NOT travelling at all well, so I upped my ADs and made an appt with my Psych - which is in 3 weeks time. Last Friday I had an enormous panic attack, following a Thursday night at work with the least favourite of the under managers. I guess my mind has decided it’s had enough, I ended up in ER (I’m 61, so can’t assume not a heart attack). So, I now have an appt with GP tomorrow and a sick certificate until next Monday - and I feel like rubbish.

So, if someone says to you that your work rate is “not good enough, *insert my name*”, in front of others, it could be interpreted as a joke or not. I’ve worked for this business for over 9 years, I work my butt off, and I found this insulting, joke or not. What do others feel? If once a week/fortnight one consistently had this sort of, or sarcastic interactions what would you think/feel? I guess I’m trying to decide if I’m being overly sensitive and possibly unfair.

Thoughts would be much appreciated, cheers M 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi Mathy,

Wow, that is not good leadership at all, how did it go speaking to the big boss today about it all? This needs to just be rectified, you want your employees to be happy I do no understand how you cannot honour simple wishes if they are requested and can be done.

Sorry this is all still an issue for you.

My best,

Jay

[demonblaster]

Hey guys ☺

Slack as aye Bb hi btw (by the way

Maths check out Bouquet of Pearls darl in staying well

🤗👍

[Mathy]

Hi Jay, and thanks for your response, mine is somewhat belated, for which I apologise.

I’ve finally made the move to NightFill, but it’s not been without dramas from, what did I call him - aah, FW. No need to go into his harassing behaviour, as I’ve learnt that he, and Super Dog are basically having a power struggle. Only one problem with that, SuperDog is the boss, and FW needs to start paying attention to that.

Sadly he’s making everyone’s life a misery, I kind of feel lucky, because I’ve got out of that area. I won’t bore this thread with the details of FW’s childishly, stupid behaviour.

On a personal level, I’m feeling OK, ADs have kicked in. So I feel more positive, as far as anxiety is concerned. As far as depression goes, I’m still not well motivated and struggle to get up and make the best of these daylight hours I have before going to work. A topic for the Pysch. I feel.

Many thanks to Jay and DB for you lovely support, hugs to both of you, cheers M 🙂

BballJ said:

Hi Mathy,

Wow, that is not good leadership at all, how did it go speaking to the big boss today about it all? This needs to just be rectified, you want your employees to be happy I do no understand how you cannot honour simple wishes if they are requested and can be done.

Sorry this is all still an issue for you.

My best,

Jay

[demonblaster]

Maths me darlin, Hi Bball :),

Sounding like things are moving in the better direction for you anyway, not the FW, dept, glad you got that point at least lol off your chest, mmmm that must have felt good lol.

AD's (anti depressants) kicking in, awesome, very happy to hear about that. With those and as you said you're strong that I could see wanna talk more about that later, you're on your way girl. Power to you

Happy to hear you've made the adjustment, understand more so now too with you explaining your MH issues about how hard the transition is, good old time doesn't stop for anyone aye, good thing about it is we always are looking back on things while moving forward.
Stoked you're away from the BS, who needs it. I'm afraid I have a long way to go in that area, not going off at openly aggressive people, otherwise I"m easy to get along with. Like a caged tiger holding it in lol

You impress me Maths on many levels, your friendship, strength, loyalty, honor, giving to others supporting, caring, and survival Rock on girl, shame you'll be suffering all over again in Your CRICKET TRAGICS thread but hey I'll be there to gloat....ohhh where's that delete button, I mean comfort you

Don't change ((( soul hugs )))

[BballJ]

Hi Mathy (Hello demonblaster as well 🙂 ),

I am glad you made the move to nightfill, hopefully it start to ease your dealings with this person, sounds like they are in an almighty power struggle, hopefully the big boss can get through to this person and calm them down a bit. All this stress is just not worth it.

Glad you are feeling a little better and yes I think bringing up with the psych how you are feeling and using these daylight hours to your advantage should be a priority. Keep going, you are doing great.

My best,

Jay

[demonblaster]

Hi Maths, Bball & all

Haven't seen you for a while Maths, just checking in to see how you're going 🙂

No pressure for reply darl, just hoping you're busy and not struggling more

Take good care both and all

[Mathy]

Thanks DB and Jay,

I’ve shifted to my new roster, which means I finish work at 11pm. I haven’t quite adjusted yet to my working hours and found a regular time to check in properly here. Normally I used to do this in the evening after work, but continuing with that would see me up until 3am, which is not good! So, I’ve just been having a quick read and making the odd reply.

I just need to work out a block of time during the day to do my BB stuff, which I will. Currently, I’ve been sidetracked by the cricket.

BB is important to me, so never fear, I will get my act together, hugs to all, cheers M 🙂

Hugs to you all

[demonblaster]

Thanks letting us know Maths

Glad the transitions done & it does take time to get into a new routine.

Didn't like arvo shifts, kinda whole days taken up but suits some, majority of my work was shiftwork

Hope staff better where you are now, at least away from Hitler

Ditto BB's important, glad it is to you too, wouldn't have met otherwise and you help & support many

Good day all

[Mathy]

OK, so I freely admit I’ve been having a massive avoidance issue for the last few weeks.

Avoidance as in la, la, la, .............

Why? All the usual reasons...

I live with Anxiety, Depression and PTSD. The PTSD sits on the outside - pretty much quiet, and it would take a lot of bad luck to cause it to become front and centre.

Anxiety/Depression existed before the disaster that led to PTSD - they’re all related anyway.

My last visit to my psychologist, I said I didn’t want to be stuck on ADs (at the level I’m taking them now), she said “Why not?” - I said because they inhibit my choice of medication for other issues, for example NSAIDS.

I kind of realise I’m “stuck”. Customers at work cause me a lot of anxiety, I’m kind of a recluse, and I don’t feel that I fit into the world too well.

We had a discussion about Schema therapy, and I took home a workbook on that.

A “Schema” is a set of cognitive/emotional structures that you live by - basically for important stuff, not what flavour ice-cream do I want - if you get my drift.

I read the workbook, and thought - hmmmm - “I can work with this”.

However, I’m scared. It’s going to open a can of worms about my childhood and my relationship (or non) with my mother.

I don’t know if I can do this, however, not doing this means not finding my inner child (who’s lost) and feeling perpetually anxious about being in the world.

That’s what I’ve been wrestling with, cheers M 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi Mathy,

Thanks for the update on how things have been going.

Schema therapy sounds very interesting, I think if it will help you long term it is always a good idea, I know it can be daunting going into things from your past, that was a lot of my reasons for not wanting to do therapy because I knew it will all come down to childhood stuff but it helped long term and helped me understand where my anxiety stemmed from. We can all do with helping our inner child be free. Scared I think also means you think it will work and deep down you know it is the right thing to do. I am glad your psychologist has given you alternatives to slowing down the medication rather than just saying you have to stick with it.

My best,

Jay