"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

[Moonstruck]

I have a tendency to "over think" things (I hope you know what I mean by that) which can spiral into obsessive thoughts and imagining worst outcomes etc.

Just lately I have noticed myself perhaps going a step further when thinking over someone else's actions and/or words - assuming it is a direct personal assault on "me" . I dwell over and over on what they said, the tone of voice used, creating a scenario as to why they did or said a certain thing, what they could be "leading up to" or "covering up" something I need to know. I get more and more anxious as I "imagine" what will be next to happen - (it is always negative and scary). sometimes I imagine the conversations they "could" be having about me behind my back.

sometimes I feel like contacting him/her to have them explain if anything is wrong, and if I misconstrued anything -to reassure me all is OK. But I am too scared to do so, in case it makes things worse, in case they are embarrassed and try to avoid me in the future. . Hardly anyone knows I have such an anxiety problem at all - so I don't want to come across as a "mental case".....(LOL)

Is this sounding a bit paranoid to you? How can I stop imagining the worst possible scenario of events that "might" happen...it's seems so real to me even though I am making it up in my head.

[Guest_322]

Hi Moon,

I agree with your psychologist...that's right, you can do whatever you want. Yep, no "permission" is required and you don't need to explain or justify your actions to anyone. You do you. It's your life. Your terms.

Go Moon!!!

Dottie x

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

Have not read that thread - I struggle as it is, was going on intuition.

I guess in this instance what you wish for is going to be good, I'm very pleased for you

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Good morning Croix....and others who show they care.....whether it is going to be good or not, I shall find out sooner than I expected...like Monday. I was asked to take him (my old former pet) earlier...and not sure i am ready. Strangely enough all the fiddly details and running around preparing his things....seemed to have fallen into place - thank God. Now my old paranoid thoughts and anxiety and "am i doing the right thing?" crap is surfacing with a vengeance!

"what have I done?"....I am taking the leap of faith...but in the past my leaps of faith haven't worked....following my instincts have lead me into trouble....what have I done? Where is the joy and exciting anticipation all gone to? Where is that certainty this is meant to be for me...and for him...? Where is that delight in being reunited again with something I love dearly? Why this fear why why why?

I need help here...I mustn't let this worry worry worry take away from the miracle of the situation. But is it a miracle...or is that just my romantic imaginative, dramatic thinking? if you asked me what the thing is I fear most about bringing him home...I can tell you. "My neighbour". I am terrified the pet will annoy him just by his mere presence. they know he is coming..I asked out of courtesy and they said Yes. But this man has been unpleasant, grumpy, and nasty to me with snide comments in the past - and I am so scared of him.

that is the only fear I have. Please help me through this weekend...someone...your kind words would mean such a lot.

[CMF]

Hi Dear Moon,

I can feel your distress and sending you a comforting hug. Everything is telling you yes yes yes except the neighbour. He does sound intimidating and I'm sorry you have to deal with this, I know what it is like to be intimidated by someone.

You have done everything right, you have spoken to the neighbour, gained acceptance. prepared him. To make rude and snide remarks shows he has issues with himself, not with you, he is just a grump man who takes it out on those who are vulnerable the way i see it. I wish i could take him away from you.

Moon, try and remember he has issues with himself really, not with you. I know this does not help you much but we are here for you, you're not alone.When is your pet coming home?

The book you ordered has a chapter on toxic people and how to handle them, chapter 9 i think it is. Maybe fast forward to that one?

cmf x

[CMF]

Moon,

I have found the best way to deal with toxic people, and as you know i have dealt with my share, is to believe and trust in yourself. Have faith in YOU and care for YOU. I know it is hard cos he is your neighbour and there all the time but he is not worth your energy. Remember, he is aware the pet is coming back and approved, anything other than that is his problem with himself, not you.

[Larnzi]

Hi Moonstruck,

I can totally relate, your thread sounded like me talking about my week. I have sat here all day replaying conversations in my head, analysing them & getting more upset & imagining the worst which seems so real to me.

My mums advice to me was to leave it,to give it time & let things settle. I know how incredibly hard this is to do as I am struggling to do it myself. I have also since decided to have the courage & sit down with this person & another one to explain & be honest & open to them about my condition with anxiety & what this involves for me & what is going on in my head when it is happening. I don't know if it will help but maybe people might have a different view of things if they have more of an understanding as to what is going on. One can only hope.

Hope this helps you not feel that you are alone in the way you think & others out there go through the same process.

Larnzi

[Moonstruck]

thank you Larnzi. Let me know how your talk about having anxiety went. I wish it were as easy as sitting down and explaining that I had an accident some time back, that left me with a damaged leg...which is why I cant go on long walks ...or something like that. Others understand that.

I too, would like to be able to simply say "I have an Anxiety Disorder and this is what happens.....and what thoughts and fears go through my mind". There is still this stigma (you hear that word a lot still these days connected with M.I.) well it is still there. No stigma about being deaf, or having bad eyesight, or dislocating a shoulder...or whatever.

I reckon I would have to be really careful who I chose to tell so frankly how I feel. e.g. years ago I suffered badly from one traumatic event after the other...all the major stressors at top of the list....in just a few years...no time to recover from one, when the next happened. Consequently I think I was suffering in silence from PTSD but no one had heard of it in those days.

No counselling no medication, I used self medication e.g. alcohol which lead to my body being damaged. I had to do Something though. It was the only way I could function.

It has left me with this dreadful FEAR of what is going to happen next. I try to protect myself by always pleasing others, making as little trouble for them as I possibly can...so nothing bad will happen...so "they" don't hurt me or get angry. If they like me, the better my chance of their treating me kindly...this is the way my mind works.

I remember not that many years ago, I was a different person. Before the string of traumas happened. I did not harm anyone, but went through life doing what made me and the ones I love happy...no one suffered....I did not pay much attention at all to what others thought, or did not think of me....least of all, acquaintances, or neighbours I did not count among my loved ones or dear friends. I miss that girl I used to be. Where has she gone? She would not care less what people thought about her getting her pet back! Stuff them!

I want to be that girl again...but she's gone. I lost her. this frightened unconfident unsure woman has taken her place. I wish you all the best Larnzi...and thanks again for understanding.....Moon S

[Moonstruck]

Hello friends. I explained everything on the Pets Staying Well thread.

Looks like all my over thinking, anxiety and paranoid thoughts won! My dream isn't coming true tomorrow after all. My pet's current owner changed her mind, said leave it a while till she sure the equipment she is passing on is the right size, kind, etc for him. Its my fault. I thought about it too much. I hardly dared dream and believe it was true, and sure enough....ruined everything by my negative thoughts and unsureness.

I am even a failure at winning. I am drained, empty and devoid of emotion. I don't know what to feel...I hate myself.

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

From what you say I'm not sure the game is over yet. Whatever the equipment I'm sure it can be sorted. It's not a closed door yet.

Take heart, and please try to realize everything is not your fault - yes I now, almost impossible and it's very much a case of the pot calling the kettle black, but at least I know how hard it is.

Croix

[CMF]

Moon,

It is NOT your fault. You did not change your mind due overthinking. Your negative thoughts did not change anything. It is a bump in the road, the current owner just wants to make sure all is in place for a smooth transition. This could be a good thing as it means, if you took your pet back and the equipment etc was not as it should be it would cause more hassles for you and possibly an unhappy pet.

Do you know when your pet will be coming back, do you know how long do you have to wait now? You will get your dream Moon, it is just a bump, a delay. It will happen.

cmf x