"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

[Moonstruck]

I have a tendency to "over think" things (I hope you know what I mean by that) which can spiral into obsessive thoughts and imagining worst outcomes etc.

Just lately I have noticed myself perhaps going a step further when thinking over someone else's actions and/or words - assuming it is a direct personal assault on "me" . I dwell over and over on what they said, the tone of voice used, creating a scenario as to why they did or said a certain thing, what they could be "leading up to" or "covering up" something I need to know. I get more and more anxious as I "imagine" what will be next to happen - (it is always negative and scary). sometimes I imagine the conversations they "could" be having about me behind my back.

sometimes I feel like contacting him/her to have them explain if anything is wrong, and if I misconstrued anything -to reassure me all is OK. But I am too scared to do so, in case it makes things worse, in case they are embarrassed and try to avoid me in the future. . Hardly anyone knows I have such an anxiety problem at all - so I don't want to come across as a "mental case".....(LOL)

Is this sounding a bit paranoid to you? How can I stop imagining the worst possible scenario of events that "might" happen...it's seems so real to me even though I am making it up in my head.

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

I hope i can put your mind at ease a little. A few years ago i too needed a new laptop. I had looked around and was overwhelmed by what was out there and what they did and the cost. What i suggest is write down what you need it for. Do you judt need internet and email, do you just need basic programs to maybe create documents? If youre like me i just needed the basics i just want to use internet, send emails and atfimes type a document. I purchased a basic laptop under $200, its all i needed. Then you add what you need word, excel etc which you can buy and download easily as it will have instructions. Just make a list if what you need it to do for you and show the retail assistant. Look online for internet providers i use and compare what you get you can then ring and they will help set it up over the phone. They often stay on the phone while you do it. Its not as overwhelming as it seems, i felt the same as you.

re work you are not obligated to keep his business afloat for him and feel intimidated as well. Can you finish up earlier? Your health and wellbeing is more important. He is putting too much pressure on you, you are not obligated to keep him afloat. If you need to put in writing how you feel and give him notice, if you ars able to leave work that is.

I would get myself set up with a laptop and interner first so you are not reliant on him anymore. This will give you more freedom to decide what to do with work. Believe me, once that dependancy is gone you will be able to handle the work situation better.

I am here ti help, just ask anything you need to re the laptop/internet. It us not as daunting as it seems.

That dependancy is holding you back, you can break free from that.

Did you attend the meeting?

Cmf xxx

[Moonstruck]

Dear CMF thank you for your patience, putting up with me. I did meet up with the boss, of course, I always do what he tells me. I was right, there was really nothing important to talk about...I just think he gets bored to death working from home, missing all his buddy buddies (who aren't really) and just wants to get out and be seen socially. He only stayed about 10 minutes then had to rush off to catch the shops closing!

I did manage to convey a sense of "couldn't be bothered...do what you like..I really don't care any more...sick of it actually". He can't miss my lack of enthusiasm surely.....so won't come as a surprise when I give it all up.

I have at least taken a step forward in the other dilemma regarding my pet. I overcame my intense fear of speaking to a person whose "permission" I needed before considering any action. They said Yes OK.

Now the only choice is......take the leap of faith and do what my heart tells me is right and will make me happy......or follow my logical head processes and make less trouble for myself by settling for the status quo which doesn't entail any "changes". Like most people,I am afraid of "change". I think we all are a bit, aren't we?

I don't have to initiate the action any time real soon if I decide to...thank God....but should let some people know it is a possibility. Just speaking to the person I feared was a huge hurdle for me to jump. I did it today.

I remembered a line from an old Florence Schovel Shinn book...she wrote in the 1920s 30s....concepts that are regarded as "new agey" today....and yet she was saying it all those years ago.

She wrote about fear "I met the lion I feared in the road...and found it was an Airedale"

I am expecting that book on Assertiveness for Earth Angels any day now CMF. xo

[CMF]

Hey Moon,

It sounds as though you have made some progress, well done. I think many of us fear change, fear the unknown, i know i do but if we don't try we will never know. On my thread Jay told me - God will not take us to anything he cannot take us through.

I think you will love the book. I thought of you today while i was reading it.

cmf x

[Guest_322]

Hi Moon,

I haven't quite read all the recent posts. I had a skim through and it's really nice to see how many others here are supporting you.

I mean, it's a big question and I imagine that there's a lot at stake. Even so...my 2 cents is if your heart tells you its right and improving your wellbeing, health, sense of achievement, etc is somehow implicated in taking a leap of faith then I say go for it.

In saying that, that's just me and my tendency to follow my gut instinct. The choice is yours of course and we will support and respect whatever choice you end up making.

Dottie x

[Moonstruck]

Hi Dottie

Yes it looks like I have made a decision. Both sons and a sister think it's the right one. the other sister does not know I am considering making a change, as she is over-cautious and will immediately point out all the possible pitfalls, negative outcomes and call me "silly". She is fearful about life in general - a legacy from our mother who lived in fear of just about everyone and everything.

One fearless son said just today" Follow your heart Mum" (he makes rash decisions all the time ( LOL ) the other who is a cautious organised sensible guy revealed his true feelings about which way he wanted me to choose and once I knew how important it was to him....it was a no-brainer really.

Wish me luck - I have no urgency in taking any action - with plenty of time to prepare the groundwork to make as sure as I can anyway, that things go smoothly. It's a case of "play it by ear" really.

It will be action guided by love - will this make a difference?

[CMF]

You did good Moon, well done.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

It is almost worth a visit to my psych/counsellor just to hear her repeat a magic phrase again. Was just a casual remark she made some time back but had SUCH an impact on me....I should write in on a poster and keep it on my wall or something. I've mentioned it on here before I know, but need to keep reminding myself when the over-thinking "what will people say, what if they disagree with me, what if they disapprove, what if they think I am stupid, wrong, misguided..etc etc etc"....

She said "You can do whatever you want - ". this was amazing to me. I always feel I have to "check" get someone's permission, do what THEY want me to do first, leave what I actually want, till the very last (when I'm usually too tired from pleasing others to have any energy left for me). Was she kidding? Do what I want? What a strange concept!

I know people who do what they want all the time. No one seems to get hurt or the world come to an end! I don't think any worse of them because they do what makes them happy. I wish I could be like them. it's taking a while to get my head around...."being free to choose what makes me happy"...I hope I catch on..sounds good.

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

We have to talk in circles sometimes here. If my guess is correct you had strong feelings in relation to the matter in the past. Now you are doing what you want - great! Do you think things will come about soon?

Croix (Who also has trouble with phones)

[CMF]

Hey Moon,

Omg i am hearing you! I just posted on mine too sort of similar.

Go for it Moon do what YOU want. Be firm, be strong cos i know you are!

Cmf x

[Moonstruck]

Yeah Croix....I've shared quite a bit of it on Pets Thread in Staying Well these past couple of days.

About a year ago I was over-thinking all sorts of awful possibilities about this pet not being loved properly.....now it seems I have the chance of being reunited with him...you know the old saying "Be careful what you wish for"??