Hi Katy,
I was thinking last night about your loss, and I am thinking it was a miscarriage, so forgive me if I have things wrong. Without having gone through it, I thought what I would be grieving for - the loss of the child within me, I'd grieve again at the time she would have been born, I'd grieve that I never got to raise my child, if a daughter that I never saw her grow up, how she would turn out to be, have the joys of having a daughter.
Also that a baby once born or a child people understand your grief absolutely, but with a miscarriage I think they mostly don't unless they've been through one themselves. I tried to think through it - that she never took a breath, or knew life, or blame myself somehow for it all (quite wrongly), and that if I spoke to other people about it would they understand that she has a name, that I loved her, or will they not understand my grief.
And the partner who could share this mourning with you isn't there. So you must feel so alone with it.
I am trying not to say something that will make you feel upset or sad because I've put it wrongly. Please forgive me I I have. I fear I'm putting this clumsily and I mean not to. I'm trying to say that I realised just how much of a loss you have been through, and how difficult it must be for others to understand the depth of it.
Paws is right when she says its time and time and more time will heal - not that you will ever forget your child and her loss, nor should you, and nor do you want to - but time will ease it eventually. I think the idea of something lovely that is between you and bub is a wonderful idea.
I'm not sure what else to say except that we are here to offer whatever feeble support we can give you when you get the awful horrible days, and through all the rest as well. I think Uni will be good for you, and something along the lines of Paw's suggestion, whatever you decide to do that feels right for you.
I am anxious none of this is helpful, or is less than helpful. I can only speak as someone who has grieved the non-existence of the children I longed to have. Yours is a different grief again. I have tried to think deeply about what it must mean for you. And all I can do now is send my love and hugs, and tell you you will get through this, you are being so strong, and have more courage than you know. And that it's absolutely OK to have the awful terrible days because that's a part of the grieving you need to do. Hugs, and more hugs. xx
