Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Junior412]

Hi Tayla,
Hope you're well. No need to apologise for anything, we all need a break from everything at times. No matter what you're going through, even though you needed time away from here, we're always going to be here for you. I know I certainly will be here any time 24/7 for you, along with everyone else here. I know our other wonderful friends will be supportive for you in some form of capacity despite their own issues.

I've had a few problems sleeping myself, still waking up halfway through the night in a sweat, nightmares of being a failure and not being accepted as a person. Funny thing is that when I go to work in my new role, as soon as I arrive people flock to me, not just to seek professional work-related advice from me, but also to seek help to support them morally outside of work in whatever they struggle with. So, I reinforce to you and my new found friends Katy, Andrew and Paws and or course you Tayla, I'm here for you through thick and thin. Don't ever think any issue is too trivial here.

I'm glad you guys are getting out and looking for jobs, studying and everything else, I'm proud of you that you can try to get out there and forge a life for yourselves. I can relate to hiding in a bedroom in the dark for days on end and hoping everything goes away. If there's anything I can do there i'll back you 110%.

Katy, I'll be in Perth at the end of March for 4 days. Tayla, if we can work something out we'll catch up as well. Andrew if you need help mate I'll try my best for you as well.

Love and hugs for all or you, my special friends here. You don't realise what you all mean to me.
Simon

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Tayla - big squeezies hugs! We all need a time out sometimes. Go easy on yourself x

Andrew - I'm super excited for you for tomorrow. That's excellent and you go easy on yourself too. Definitely not a disaster hahah. Check in when you're ready and let us know how it went. And don't forget to breeeeeaaaathe 🙂

Simon - sorry you're still struggling with sleep. That must make the days more challenging. But well done for recognising how much you have to contribute. That's amazing 🙂 Not sure we're able to meet up in person, as there's no facility to allow that to happen, and it's probably for the best. Makes the forums a safe space, as much as it might be nice to support each other in real life.

We can all continue to chat here for as long as everyone needs mutual support and a kind ear to listen. Kind thoughts always, Katy

[iamanxiety]

hey Simon,

nice to hear you are well regarded in your workplace. must be a nice feeling to give back and assist others.

shame you are having bad dreams. I can relate ,I've been having them every night lately. but my sleep is improving some so I need to look at the positives I guess

Andrew

[Guest_4643]

Hey everyone. My apologies for just replying now, just had a crappy few days, especially today. You can blame my GP for NOT caring at all and NOT doing her job. I took my frustration out and expressed my concerns and she didn't care either.

Simon - thank you very much for your kind words, everything means a lot. You all help me too even if it's not much, it's still a little. I understand that everyone has their own things to deal with, but I think it's great that we all try to support each other despite all of that. Sorry to hear that you've also been struggling with sleep, I know what it's like, I have insomnia and whatnot (have for years even before taking any meds), plus the PTSD stuff (some days it's not there at all, other days it's pretty bad). Yeah I'm a homebody too mostly, I mean I do leave the house but still. Sounds nice that you'll be in Perth, I'm in Regional VIC.

Katy - thanks for your words also. I'm so frustrated with all this stuff. My GP doesn't care about me at all, and I mean that. I have no idea why. She doesn't want to do anything for me. How did she even become a Doctor anyway? Makes me wonder & I find it disgusting, it's discrimination really.

Anyway, I hope everyone's OK. I'm always here for everybody too, thank you all for your kind words and thoughts, it means a lot. I'm sorry for just replying now.

Much love, big kisses and big hugs to all of you.

Tayla x

[Junior412]

Hi all,

Hope everyone is well. Sorry I haven’t been here for a while, just been feeling a bit flat about life, the usual lack of sleep and of course the heavy emotional and physical feeling that goes with it. Thanks for your kind words Tayla, I’m glad what minimal assistance I can offer to you right now is a help. Believe me, your comments lift my spirits too.

Today I’m catching up with a friend who I haven’t seen in a while. He’s part of a social group I was involved in, going to the AFL every weekend, until I started going downhill with my anxiety and depression. He’s one of the few who actually want to understand what I’m going through, whereas some people within the group have canned me for “feeling sorry for myself,” and the one that really hurts, “you’re just playing the sympathy card.” Every day those comments are engrained in my mind. I’m hoping my open and honest talk with him today will be spread to the others, but if they still carry on about it I’ll just weed them out of my life as well. At times when I feel really bad I think they may be right, but as we all know it’s debilitating, both mentally and physically. This exhausts me at times, which I’m sure all you wonderful people can relate to.

Tayla, I spend a lot of time growing up around the Ballarat area, and still spend a lot of my time there as I do/did some voluntary work there, although not as much as I used to while I go through my bad days.

So guys, hang in there, there was an old song from my birthplace which I listen to when I feel down. One of the lyrics is: “at the end of the storm, there’s a golden sky.” Look for that golden sky my friends.

Hugs and best wishes,

Simon

[Guest_4643]

Hi Simon.

No worries at all that you haven't been on here, I and others understand. My apologies for not being on here much either though, I check the forums just don't reply sometimes because I'm not sure what to say or don't get the chance or something. But I'm still here & I care about everyone & I'll do my best to support them.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend, but at least you caught up with them I suppose, & I'm sorry you're feeling so terrible mentally & physically, I know how you feel.

I've only been to Ballarat twice - once for a school excursion to Sovereign Hill when I was 12 (which I miss, that was fun) & once for a funeral a few years ago.

Nice quote also. & you're welcome for the kind words, I'm glad I can support you, thank you for supporting me also. Means a lot.

Hugs,

Tayla

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Simon

It's hard when people don't get it. There's so many out there that don't. I hope your talk went well with your friend today. It's interesting that people are so supportive with the people in their lives, but only in regard to the things they want to be supportive about. If you care about someone, and something is difficult for them, then that's valid regardless of what it is. I've had to cut people out of my life too over the years, so I understand that sometimes it's important for our wellbeing.

Agree with Tayla about the quote - it's lovely. I rely on positive quotes a lot these days.

Take care all. Katy

[iamanxiety]

just saw your badge, congratulations . I can see you've been busy helping others. it's amazing that sharing your knowledge even though it may be quite negative can be thearapudic.

hope you've been ok

Andrew

[blondguy]

Hi Katy

Congratulations on being a Valued Contributor on the Beyond Blue forums 🙂

You provide many people with such wonderful support through your own life experience and knowledge

my kindest thoughts and appreciation always x

Paul

[Jules292]

I too am feeling very low and unable to move forward, I am trying to pull myself out of it. But keep feeling this inner sadness that will not go away. Sometimes I think it’s just the way I am, it feels as though I’m always putting on a facade and always put others needs before my own. Like I’m not worthy to feel happy, I don’t deserve it!

No one gets it, even my neighbour had a random dig at me this morning about my watch?? No need to say anything but she couldn’t help herself, bang, had to knock me down. I would have loved to have a go back but I hold my tongue so as not to cause a rift. I feel though, that by not saying anything I then reinforce to myself that I am worthless.

Really struggling at the moment!!

Jules292