Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

hello my dear Peps and all my friends here

My tooth has eased a little bit but could be cause i havent eaten all that much either. its been a mixed very emotional day here. so many triggers for most of the day to contend with but something positive is that i run the gp today and made an appt for next wednesday. so thats a good start at least and also my nurse as well. having a few issues that i need to talk to her about so i see her at the end of the month.

hugs peps, i do no what that feels like. i get it quite often. its not very comfortable. maybe you mind and body and saying abit of travel is needed? doesnt have to be overseas but maybe you could spend a weekend or a few days away somewhere nice and scenic? jsut chill, get away from things, and maybe do some exploring- whatever makes your heart feel content. Hugs my sweet sis, i know your doing things abit tough too, im always more than happy to chat and listen if you need either here or on your thread whichever is best. xoxoxoxoxox

Sending warm hugs and lots of love and a few butterflies too xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet little butterfly..

Awwe what a beautiful surprise it was when I oped your thread up some gorgeous teeny weeny butterflies filled my room....Thank you...🦋🌿...

I'm happy to hear about your tooth easing off a little and even happier that, you made a Drs appointment..well done... Your hand is getting better, your mending now , so please sweetheart, be careful of you..every part of you...😁🦋..butterflies are very delicate creatures...Little butterfly wings ..so please be gentle with yourself...

Peppy, so very sorry that your struggling with being meh!.. Please hang on in there Peppy..

I hope you two beautiful and caring sisters get some good quality sleep tonight. and tomorrow will be better then today...Good Night, sleep tight. Dream bright..

Grandy..

[startingnew]

Hello little angel

Thank you and im glad you liked your surpise. You have a wonderful imagination. I hope you dont ever loose that.

I am happy with just one postive but ir is even better to have a few. Just need to try and keep abit steady but this morning i realised that i need a gp it was really shocking. Way to cloae to the edge for my liking!

I wont be asleep for a while. Its one of 'those' nights 😒 but ive been reading for 2 hrs and finished an entire book so was a good distraction! I was starting to forget how much i missed reading and was starting to think i wasnt going to be reading for a while. I have 19 books in the series so will keep me occupied for a while.

Hoping all my friends here have a peaceful sleep. ❤❣

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful Butterfly Wings (waves to all),

Yesterday does sound as though it was very intense for you. A very gentle hug from me...your emotions must have been all over the place. That’s pretty full on...

I’m very happy to hear you managed to bring your appointments forward though. Just as well too, considering how much you’ve been struggling. I think it will be good to debrief with your nurse as well...lots to discuss.

Sleep seems to be evading you once again, which is rough. Although I’m glad you’re getting back into reading again. It must be a welcome relief to be able to do that 🙂 Can I ask what series you’re reading?

Sighs, I somehow don’t think a holiday will suffice. I’m just generally discontented and over it...thank you so much for understanding. That means a lot and I appreciate all the hugs, love and butterfly blessings 💜

Grandy: Thank you so very much for the caring well wishes. Hugs to you...I know you’ve been going through a hard time yourself ❤️

Squishy and affectionate big sis hugs, much love and blue butterflies to you...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxoxo

[startingnew]

Hi my Peps,


I dont really know what is happening lately, my emotions are indeed all over the place. Everything just feels 'wrong' even though there isnt really a reason for it so its making it really tricky. As long as I keep to ok or okish while im in this mood I should be ok. I dont really want to 'burst' so trying my best to maintain 'ok'. I did make the appointments but... I might need to cancel my gp appointment though because I made an optometrist appointment for my sister but its on wednesday and im not sure ill be home in time to get them while mums not at home. I dont even know if mums working or not. What a pickle. They dont need me there, im on 'standby' all the time for he kids and everyone else. Will have to see how it goes huh, they are much more important than me so will make sure they are alright first.

its been a rather busy day here too with grocery shopping, lots of housework, siblings, horses and helping the kids, ringing another place up to organise something. and jsut dealing with my own internal struggles. Toothache is back rather bad and headaches as well. havent had much more than soup today and it was gross cause it was only luke warm. mmm yum- NOT


I am reading a book series called canterwoosd crest. Its a horse book mostly for teenagers but its pretty good and I need some light reading. I was reading the outlander book series and another one but some of the concepts are hard well not hard to understand but takes abit of thinking and im not quite up for that at yet.


they are some pretty rough emotions to have but I do understand. I wish I had some answers for the both of us. Have you still been seeing your psych?


Hugs and Hugs xoxoxoxox




Hello Grandy, SL, Lici and everyone... xoxo

[Lici]

Hi startingnew 😊

Just popping in to let you know that I'm here following along. I just don't post if I feel I have nothing to contribute (which is most of the time), but you're in my thoughts.

Something popped out at me while reading your last post that made me want to comment too...

You said "they are much more important than me so I'll make sure they are alright first"

It spoke to me because I used to put my family, friends, boyfriend pretty much everyone's wellbeing before my own and it did nothing but make my mental health worse.

Is there a reason why you feel that your family is more important than yourself and your health? It reads to me like everyone that's around you expects you to just be there and do everything for them. I admit that I haven't read your thread in its entirety, but from what I have read it speaks to me as if everyone puts you last so you've learnt to put yourself there too.

Please let me know if I'm wrong because text is very easy to read in a bias way and coming from a family where I've put my mum first, looked after my sister's when they've been kicked out of home, and generally been a doormat for a lot of people, I tend to read stuff like that and get defensive on people's behalf.

Please put yourself and your health first. Even if your family is important to you, they're not going to get much help if you aren't healthy enough to give it.

Hugs

Lici

[startingnew]

Things are hard. Really hard. I dont even have words for it. 😔😔

Lici- no your not wrong or way off the mark. More like super close. Im sorry i cant write much atm. Things are just so hard right now and i cant think straight...

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful Butterfly Wings and all,

A gentle and loving hug from me...I feel sometimes sparse words reflect a lot of pain. You sound very overwhelmed and run down at the moment...

I always feel as though you’re constantly taking care of your family but who takes care of you? Sighs, rhetorical.

I think your health is just as important as your sisters. I wonder if you could start allocating periods of time where you’re not on “stand-by” e.g. telling your mum you’re not free between certain hours every Monday. I suppose what I’m getting at is ensuring some time to yourself to rest, plan appointments, etc. It’s just a gentle suggestion...

I think a series about horses sounds perfect for you, considering your great love for them 🙂 I’m glad it’s helping you to take your mind off things a little and that you seem to be enjoying it.

Thank you very much for caring, yes, I’m still seeing my psych. Have to see my GP too this week, speaking of professionals. Lol.

I think just take your time with replies/posts if you’re not feeling up to writing much. No rush or pressure...

Now, I’m just sitting with you and draping a soft blanket over your wings as you rest on my shoulder. Gentle and easy does it...

Much Love...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[demonblaster]

Ahh SLD, big warm loving 🤗 darling.

Sweety I'm sitting here too holding your hand and looking after you. Rest up darlin.

Hope your teeth are settling still, you had a flare up recently.

No need to reply to this just want you to know I'm with you as well 🤗😚🕊

Hey everyone 🤗🌹

[startingnew]

Hi SL
thank you for your hugs and care xoxo
my teeth are a constant droan atm with intense flare ups. Hopefully itll all be over soon.

thank you xoxox


Hi my Peps,
thank you for your hugs and care too. I can focus abit on others like other postings but its hard to convey my own thoughts and emotions. Things were really bad over the weekend. I didnt know how I was getting through that but its still continued onto today. Im holding on till wednesday when I see a new gp and hopefully itll be a med change or something or suggested.
Yeah I know, it really is hard. Others mean the world to me but I mean nothing to them.


I do have some hrs to myself to organise whatever but I get bored. My life is busy and full on but really repetitive so I get bored too. I needed to go to work but itll have to wait now till after I pick up the kids as theres not enough time.
I had a complete meltdown yesterday and last night. I was at mums house over the weekend because I wasnt safe at home on my own (pop went away for the weekend) and I ended up having a meltdown first because I have no money, my accounts in arrears and im sick of people lying to me about them paying me. Then the second one was too many triggers ina short time and I really just wanted to go home so I left for a while to at least reget me head together abit.
Yeah the horse books are alright, not really into horses much now but the books are still good.


I care very much about you peps, it is a wonderful feeling to feel that connection with someone/s. Im so glad youve got your supports this week. Will be here if you need to chat/debrief or anything.

thank you xoxoxoxox



Hi Lici
you are so very close and took quite a lot of my thoughts out though.


it reads to me like everyone that's around you expects you to just be there and do everything for them. I admit that I haven't read your thread in its entirety, but from what I have read it speaks to me as if everyone puts you last so you've learnt to put yourself there too
this part here pretty much describes the story of my family. I guess you are right too that ive learnt now that I come last even if it shouldnt be that way. It is a hard mindset to get out of and even harder to put into play. i really do feel like a nothing except put on this earth to help and please others.

thank you xoxoxoxo