Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

Hello my special sis Pepper

Wow what a pretty butterfly! I havent seen one of those before!! Im glad you got to see one what a really loveley surprise! I love hearing these stories too. Makes me abit more connected to you as well. ♥

I think the infections gone now as ive finished the antibiotics but the pain will still be a while till i at least get the really bad tooth out in oct. Im not looking forwars to it all and am scared but i will just have to shut my eyes and get it done before it gets any worse...

Ive been sleeping abit better more when the pains more controlled minimal triggers etc but im getting a few hrs each night now and havent had the few night with no sleep for a little while so thats a good improvement.

My tooth is abit sore tonight though but im out of pain meds so will try the saline solution as GG suggested and maybe thatll help or if i sleep before it gets worse it might be alright...

Psychiatrist is a no go for an earlier appt and gp.... i hate to admit it but I havent rung yet. Im avoiding it but i dont really know why. I cant seem to ring or even have the will to see a new gp. I just... dont want to go.

Love and hugs and Dusk till Dawn 👭❤

[startingnew]

Hello my Peps

I wrote a post but its not up yet or... ive forgotten to press post 😞

For now will send love and hugs and wait for other post to appear

Oh and big smiles at your butterflies ❤♥

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful Butterfly Wings and all,

I think it’s such a welcome relief that you’re finally getting more sleep. Even though it’s probably still not enough, it’s a major improvement 🙂

The toothaches sound painful and stressful. Hopefully it’s all sorted out soon...

Thank you for letting me know 🙂 I’ll keep an eye out for that post, just in case...

Warm cuddles and love always

“Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

Thanks Peps xoxox

I will take any improvement right now xox

thankfully my tooth is a little less painful than last night i usually notice it more after eating certain things and at ngiht when everything is calming down but its been ok. i was mostly on and off last night but im not really sure why though i dont need a reason lol.

Love and lots of hugs xoxox

Oh btw remember than butterfly oragami you made? i found it in my hard drive last night and gave me big smiles 🙂

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

I’m glad your toothache is a little less painful now although October is a long wait. Yes, I would be scared and worried too...

I’m very happy that you’re getting more sleep. It’s long overdue sleep too...

Fair enough, it’s okay, I hear you and, considering everything,I feel it’s more than understandable. It does sound like you’re maybe just a little over GP appointments at the moment...

Perhaps you can put your appointment plans to one side temporarily, and see how you feel about seeing a GP in a week or two’s time (for example). I suppose what I’m getting at is not putting too much pressure on yourself...

It’s a shame you can’t bring the psychiatrist appointment forward. That’s disappointing...

I’m so happy that my butterfly anecdotes make you feel a little more connected to me. I feel the same way so butterflies always make me think of you, and bring me comfort. The blue and white one was really special as I had never seen one like that before...

I smiled when you said that you found the butterfly origami photo, and that it cheered you up briefly 🙂 Well, the butterfly origami is yours...sadly I can’t give the physical origami butterfly to you (still have her) but you have her in photo form, which is the next best thing 😉

I have been having a bit of a rough time for various reasons. Just feeling a bit “meh.” A little deflated and sad...that over it feeling...

Anyway, warm big sis hugs and much love 🦋🦋

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Startingnew, waves to Peppy, Deebi, everyone else..

Im pleased to hear that your toothache has eased of a bit..I have always said that a toothache pain is one of the worse aches you can have....I've had a toothache when I was younger...it was ouchy....it's good that the infection has gone as well..

Peppy's butterfly really sounds beautiful.

Awee sweetheart,please try and ring for an appointment for a new gp....,no pressure at all.. just concern for you....you really need to find a nice caring gp. I'm not sure if they exist anymore though.....but you deserve a Kind and caring gp, one who will look after you..

Take care Little Butterfly 🦋..Please look after yourself and I'm hoping that you Sleep a quality sleep tonight...I'll stay with you and hold your hand tonight until you fall into a deep healing and renewing sleep...

love ang hugs...💜🤗🤗.

Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hey SLD 🤗

I've been keeping an eye on my lovelies here waving back to you Grandy and hey Peppy ☺

Darlin glad it sounds like the infections settled poor thing, be a relief to get them out.

Thrilled to hear you're getting some sleep, not enough but at least something.

Sounds like the hands on improve, go easy lovey tho.

Sorry to hear Pops struggling that must be hard for you.

Hope you get some more painting in and you time

Sending love and care darling. Our little trooper.

Oh walking other day I too as Peps did had a pweddy butterfly it was I think Black wings and white dots on the edges, thought of you 😚🤗💗

Always 👀🤝

Take care beautifuls 🦋🍃

[startingnew]

Hi Guys

I spoke to soon :( my toothache has come back in full force. Ive taken the strong pain meds but its not helping yet. I had a shower to see if it would sooth my neck and head muscles (as the pains flaring my neck injury up too) and to also cool off abit as I was getting those feverish feelings again its helped a little but not much.


I went to the chemist which is right near my gp (the chemist is attached to my gp practice) it was quiet and reception was busy and I couldnt walk in! I was close to panic even thinking about going there. I dont know whats gotten into me. I know I need to see a gp for my meds and things but I just cant seem to ring or walk in and make an appt.




Peps xox- ive been meaning to make an appt for the past 4 weeks 😞 I just cant seem to make one even though I know I probably should but maybe your right I am just over the appts for now.
Oh yes, I really love hearing about your butterfly sightings. The recent ones sounds gorgeous, I wish I had of seen it too! I have your butterfly oragami one as an icon on my computer so I can see it whenever I log on. Always gives me a smile.


I understand those meh feelings too, its how I am too. Its quite uncomfortable and tiring isnt it. Did you want to talk about whats happening at all? Will send some extra squishy hugs and love.
'Dusk Till Dawn'
BW xoxoxoxoxo




Grandy xox- toothaches are dreadful. it would be ok if it was jsut that one tooth but its affects the whole head,ears, eyes, mouth and neck 😞 when its bad like tonight it keeps me up so looks like it might be a long night. Thanks for sitting with me and holding my hand xo.
Peps butterly is so beautiful and blue which is one of my favourite colours.
I will try to make a gp appt, I just cant seem to. …
Love and squishy hugs for you too
Little Butterfly xoxoxoxoxox

[startingnew]

Hi DB

Your post mustve popped up after i logged out. Thank you for your love and care too. Xox

After tonight im not quite sure if the infections gone or maybe its just the pain being over bearing. Its come back in full force again. Still a few hrs away from next pain med dose. 😣

I am happy with any sleep ive been trying to keep a routine but with pain or just crappy nights it makes it hard too.

My hand is going well. My physio gave me thr all clear to use it more now just not heavy thing or for lots but keep working up to things. I only see her monthly now.

Pops ok again but its not the end so will be getting things sorted so its better for him too. He is much more important than what i am.

Aww see my butterflies are getting around. They will be around more in the spring time. More of the monarch butterflies will come out too ( the orange and black ones)

Love and Hugs

SLD xoxoxoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful Butterfly Wings and all,

Your toothache sounds very painful especially as it’s affecting multiple areas. They are the worst!

Making appointments do seem difficult for you; it must be so confusing and frustrating. I was wondering if maybe you could write an email to make an appointment if calling or going in person is a struggle. Perhaps it might make things a little easier for you...just a gentle suggestion.

Your comment about saving the origami butterfly as a computer icon warmed my heart and brought a smile to my face 🙂 I’m glad she’s bringing you a little comfort...

Sighs, so that makes at least 2 of us who are feeling rather deflated/“meh.” Thank you, you’re very caring to ask 🙂

I’m just over it (again). Lol. Not even sure what will help...just questioning a lot of things and wondering...always wondering and pondering.

I have been overcome by this feeling recently that my home doesn’t feel like home. Didn’t want to come home much this week, and I’m not 100% sure why as nothing major has happened or changed...

Lately, I’ve been looking at a lot of overseas photos, and watching YouTube videos of people who live overseas and I just want to board a plane and leave. Maybe this is just me wanting change as well as wanting to escape...Paris and Brooklyn has a certain allure right now...

Sending warm cuddles and much love and soothing thoughts for your toothache...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxo