Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[startingnew]

Hi Pammy


Yes theres just so much happening here lately, usually between december and feb its the busiest time for me as well with increased work and responsibilities and things.
I just be quiet now when pops talking and having his fair (more than ) share of whatever it is on the day. I cant really walk atm ad im kinda stuck at home as well.






Hi SL


It is so stressful atm and having the physical things as well esp not being as independent with a moon boot it is quite difficult. Ive been a carer for pop longer than ive been here, its not quite the roles that come with caring its more that I feel so stuck and I just dont have a life or one that I think is worth living. I need to try and get to an appt with him at the drs to talk about my aged care and what options might be avaliable for even some home care help as thats all I do. Im at home all the time just cleaning and cleaning and it is so boring and repetitive.
Yeah I need to work on my MH but I also dont like the idea of soley working on my mh if that makes sense? I want to be working or studying or doing just something as I find the more im at home the more I dwell on things which isnt healthy either...


Hey Peps


exhausted and overwhelmed sounds like a good way to put it. Im going to have a chat with his gp and have a meeting. Hes not going to like it neither is my family who thinks he can do no wrong but I cant keep doing it on my own all the time. I do nothing except work, work work but the work is well repetitive and its not his fault hes this way and im not blaming him but living with him 24/7 it doesnt actually give me a chance to breathe or relax or anything. Its tireing being tired.
I just have to get the courage to get to that appointment and also brace msyelf somehow because I know what the aftermath is going to be after that meeting- no matter the outcome.


Yeah im finding it hard to relate to anyone or be near anyone. Im so different from everyone and anyone that I talk to in a carers role is like partners/married into it or mother/daughter/ father/son that sort of thing but its hard with our age gap as well as oher things.
I dont know yet, its just hard.. I suppose...


sending much love, hugs and butterflies to you all
xoxoxox

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

You sound exhausted and overwhelmed. But I also see growth...I love how you’re contacting organisations and looking into aged care/other options for your pop. I feel so proud of you...

Your feelings of the monotony of your carer duties, and your inability to have any semblance of your own life as a carer sounds so debilitating. I feel this is that much more pronounced because it was a role you fell into/were conditioned into performing, rather than something you chose more consciously or had more of a say in...

Regardless of your family’s reactions, I think it’s good (and important) that you’re doing what is right for you. Your whole life has been put on hold because of your carer responsibilities.

I see this is a huge opportunity for positive change...for you to have your own life. The one that you so deserve and that we so want for you...

This is your chance to be able to concentrate more fully on studies. To build your career. To travel. To go out and meet people. To have more time to crochet and make art. To go to festivals. To attend concerts. To go to the beach. To attend hobby classes. To volunteer. To relax and watch movies. But above all, to have your own life and really start to thrive...that is my wish for you, lovely...

The bluest butterflies, warmest hugs and much love and affection.

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Hey Peps

i honestly dont know much at this point. i dont want to stop being a carer but i want a life- a life worth living that is. sitting at home all the time, getting growled at, or having to wait on others hand and foot isnt something im enjoying

i dont really know, im just tired alot lately and even when im resting it never feels like resting more like just waiting on the next thing to do. i wouldnt even know what to do with myself with more time..

sending much love hugs and butterflies

xoxox

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

Gentle hugs from me...you sound so lost and exhausted. I’m sitting here quietly, attentively listening...

I think it’s absolutely okay to not know. I realise it’s probably not a very nice feeling, but you don’t have to have everything 100% figured out right this instant.

Although, it seems to me that one thing you’re more sure about is that you want to start having your own life. I love how you’ve recently started to assert your will more. Yes, the specifics of how this will work out are yet to be figured out. But it’s a start...

If you don’t want to stop being a carer, maybe you could look into reducing your hours to a more “part time”, so to speak, carer role. Hopefully the organisations that you contacted can help you achieve this...

Your comment about not knowing what to do with yourself if you had more free time tugged at my heart. I feel maybe this is because as you said, for a long time now, you’ve been waiting on someone else. You’re either helping someone out in your family, and if not, waiting to do it.

So I feel the idea of having more free time might feel strange and even unsettling initially, because it’s very much out of your comfort zone. I suspect you might even feel a little lost at first, but once you get used to it, I truly believe having more free time will be a blessing.

A blessing because in order for you to start having your own life, you do need free time. You really do. Your own time, lovely one...

Holding your hand and offering some gentle comfort. Always with you in spirit. Much love, “Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Things are hard 😔😔

[Ggrand]

Hello, little Butterfly,

Im really deeply sorry thing are hard for you..

Do you want to talk about it darling?..

Can I ask you...hard physically or mentally or both?

Sitting with you Little Butterfly, holding you tight with lots of warm squishy but very gentle soft cuddles...

I hope things start to improve for you very soon darling..

Here for you..

Grandy.

[Cybil101]

Hey. I’ve only just joined this forum but have read some of your story. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can relate as similar happened to me (by my dad). I’m here if you need someone to talk to. You are so strong and brave and a survivor. Sending you hugs and support.

[startingnew]

Hi Grandy xox

Its both the mental and physical stuff but mostly the mh side of things. It is so hard trying to get through each day. Makes me wonder if life is even worth living anymore

Things that i wanted to do or aimed to do just keep getting squashed and over taken by others.

I really just feel like giving up. I always just seem to be a 'thing' anyway. Not really a someone.

Hi Cybil and welcome

Im sorry it has happened to you too. Its really awful, you too are a survivor.

xox

[startingnew]

Hi Grandy xo

Things are so hard both mentally and physically but its the mental stuff thats harder lately. i really just feel awful and so tired. i had a post done up but it might take abit to come through. it feels like everything just keeps getting taken away from me, almost like life is almost over when it really should just be beginning.

Thanks and welcome to you Cybil, You too are a survivor im sorry that it has happened to you as well, it really is awful isnt it

[demonblaster]

SLD don't give up darling you've been through so much and you're still here and you can get through whatevers thrown at you because you're strong and deserve a chance at peace.

🤗 You really are a survivor

We love and need you in our lives little wings

💗