Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[demonblaster]

Dear SLD ❤😘🤗 while I think of it just want to thank you again for letting us know about the PC keyboard with the windows icon and fullstop allowing the emojis you little ripper 🙂

Darling I just want you to know that although I've been in coccoon mode which for now anyway is my best defense to get through these hard times it doesn't at all mean I don't still care very much about you and of course the other lovelies here. Love stays and grows just want you to know and I'm slowly catching back up with threads so please know and believe the truth you're loved and never forgotten. Thoughts about you and people I care about here.

Big mwahs and hugs and even a choccy that I can't be bothered finding lol because it's getting late. Poor excuse but all I've got atm.

Take care sweetheart ((xx))

See you soon.

[Ggrand]

Hello Little 🦋 butterfly,

RUOK?....I noticed you’ve not been here for a while and thought I would ask you that very import question...

I also wanted to share something with you..In the hospital I was in, in the centre of the common room, there is a huge glass room which houses some beautiful flowers and some herbs, it is really very colourful and beautiful to just sit and do some Mindfullness practise...There are lots of those big praying mantis, grasshoppers, bees, eating tasting morsels no doubt...A few day in a row their was two beautiful butterflies flittering around in there, one was so big and nearly all black except for a few brilliant blue dots on its wings..the other was white with black markings outlining its wings..Once just after the sprinklers were turned of the black one landed on a big leaf and just sat there for a few seconds, I think it was having a drink, The two of them were constantly together and it made me wonder about if they feel attacachment to each other if they were siblings...I so wish you could have seen them..

Just watching the way the butterfly seems to dance around the flowers is so magical...they reminded me of you straight away....Howcare you feeling little butterfly? I really do hope your better then okay...

Please look after you and be kind and gentle to you just like your beautiful and delicate butterfly avatar....

Sending you my love with some hugs dearest SN..

Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

Is it okay if I ask how have you been, lovely one? That being said, please don’t feel obligated to reply if you’re not feeling up to writing/talking. Just know that we love you very much.

I have seen quite a few white butterflies the past week, especially last Monday. As you know, they bring me a lot of comfort and joy as they make me think of you 🙂

I think of you often and want to send warm hugs and much love to you today.

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[demonblaster]

SLD our dear little wings 🤗 I'm caught up sweet. Do hope your Xmas was better than expected, it maddens me all you do for your family to be treated so poorly.

Sweetheart 🤗 that's a worry I really am sorry to hear you have another stress on your mind. Darling following through with Birdy that it might not be what you think. What I want to talk to you about lovey is I'm starting to understand the nature of anxiety. I think it's stress being released like a pressure valve and when our sleep which I'm guessing you're not getting enough still is lacking we don't have as much strength to repel thoughts and challenge them because of little energy. Thinking the worst scenarios I think is human anxiety amplifies our feelings. Honey whatever the outcome and I prey you're ok, at the time we have no choice but to go through the situation which often is different to what we think or how we'll cope which often is better than we give ourselves credit for.

It sounds little wings that you're onto this taking it in the now which is very mature and wise & plenty of breathing sweetywings 🦋🌹 remember focus on the task at hand ☺

Very good passing your course and having plans for more sounds good too. Wise lass health first and more time to consider options too.

Always said our little trooper you've got steel 🏋️‍♀️ Are you still crocheting and did you finish Aunties one? How's your teeth? No hurry for replies

We're here for you 🤝 SLD much care love and thoughts darling 🤗😙🍫🎄🦋✨

[startingnew]

Hey Peps, DB, Grandy and everyone.

Thank you all for thinking of me and leaving msgs, they were nice to read when i logged on today.

I havent caught up on any of the posts here so im not sure on everyones news yet but wanted to pop in here.

[Ggrand]

Hello little butterfly,

I hope you are feeling better then yesterday...It’s okay darling, there’s no rush to catch up on posts, The best thing you can do for all of us, is to take good care of you first..

Im really pleased you did pop to let us know you are okay, I haven’t posted much here but have been listening when you have talked....Thinking of you beautiful little butterfly...

Be gentle and kind to you, sending lots of special heart warming caring hugs...

Love and hugs dear little butterfly...

Grandy...

[startingnew]

Hi Everyone


It really has been a long while since I logged onto here so I guess there may be quite an update.


Christmas was quite hard having to be around family but I surived that. New yrs was pretty average, I went and watched the fireworks and had icecream afterwards with mum and the kids as pop was away fro a week then just come home and went to bed.


Hmm other updates.....
Things have been extremely hard, my mh state has really declined and im quite worrried about where it is heading. Its the worst its been in a while and nothing is bringing it up and ive been like it for over a week now. I am overly emotional and just crap (can think of other words) to put it simply.
Ive been arguing with pop a lot and hes taking everything out on me and at this point im not coping with it to the point of considering stepping back as a carer and if I had family support for anything I would be in hospital but I cant be there because of that and it just causing to many arguments. Still having financial issues and I think ive been skipping my medications as well but I dont know either, ive bene to busy, off colour and just dealing with so much stuff that I keep forgetting even though they are right in front of me.


I havent heard back about the oral surgury, or the specialist as yet about cervical changes and other symptoms to go along with it. I need to have a chat to my gp as i spoke to someone who thinks i may have an eating disorder but i think it might just be stress causing the changes in my eating habits. Im really tired and fatigued and just feeling really off colour esp the past few days which I think the heat may be contributing to it abit since its been in the high 30s all week with still more forecast. Im in the middle of having a big clearout out and have a council pick up as well as a heap of scrap metal going tomorrow so that will be good as well as selling items and dontating to charity and advertising things for free as well.


Another incident with my foot has caused me to now be in a moon boot for the next 2-4 weeks which is a bit of a pain but since being it in it has helped with the pain so far but its only the second day. The dr didnt listen to me so was hobbling around for a week in agony so went to a physio yesterday and got a second opinion who has given me some physio exercises, the moon boot (plus instructions).

im running out of characters so will need to leave it here for now


sending much love and hugs
xoxoxoxoxox

[PamelaR]

Hi Beautiful Butterfly wings
Awww, things sound incredibly hard for you at the moment. My thoughts are your physical health, e.g. foot, dental, cervical changes won't be helping things at all for your mental health. So please be kind to yourself - you're such a lovely person.
Sorry to hear you are having arguments with your pop. Is there any way you can just walk away and go for a walk or something?
Thoughts with you SN.
Kind regards
Pammy

[demonblaster]

Good to hear from you SLD 🤗 You're in my thoughts

Your life has SO much stress honey and at a young age makes it all the more sad. You're amazing how you keep going but what's concerning is the many extra duties and care you do for your family and not particularly appreciated that I imagine contributes to your MH detriment.

I feel if it's getting too much hun you need to be looking after yourself and you've cared for your pop a fair time I know in the time we've known eachother. Alternatively wondering if theres any regular respite for your pop which would give you some reprieve at times. I know you've spoken of respite can't remember what choices though sorry lovey

I'm really sorry for you darling you really do need to give yourself the chance to work through your MH, this isn't how it should be. You're so kind to your family but at your expense isn't fair to you. Even if as a compromise you take a few days to yourself each wk and stand firm.

Sweety sending care love and more 🤗 please take care of yourself ❤🦋 our darling resident butterfly 🍫

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

I had a feeling that things had been especially rough for you, lovely one. You sound so exhausted and overwhelmed...

I feel there’s so much pressure on you as a carer (with no support from your family). It sounds like things have been very strained with your pop...

I noticed you mentioned that you even considered stepping down from your carer role at one point. Perhaps I wonder if you want to think about this as a serious option? I know it’s many times easier in theory than in practice, and that he’s your pop...

But I also know as much as you love being a carer and your pop, it also holds you back from having your own life and puts enormous pressure on you...

I’m only saying this out of love and concern; I want the best for you, lovely...but I feel this is (obviously) different to a spouse/partner acting as a carer or a (much) older adult caring for their ageing parent. This is you, a young person (with your whole life ahead of you) being a carer...your life is on hold because of this role...

I wonder if there’s someone you can talk to to discuss options like from that carer support organisation you have mentioned before. Even discussions about stepping down to a more “part-time” carer role would relieve you of some of your pressures, and might be something to think about...

Holding your hand, dear one. I’m always there with you in spirit. Sending blue butterflies, warm hugs and much love.

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox