Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[demonblaster]

SLD I'm here with you too darling.

All the best with it and in recooperation. What a good difference it'll bring to your life.

Be gentle with yourself sweetheart.

🤗😚⚘

[startingnew]

Thanks so much everyone for your support. i so appreciate it. i was extremely nervous and scared when i left early hrs of this morning.
We ended up having 10 minutes to spare instead of half an hr because there was trackwork so it was quite stressful on the way there making sure i got there on time.

I seen a lovely nurse to start with for just vitals, then back to the waiting room for a while. I was then able to speak to the anaethetist, it got a bit scary and full on then, she asked heaps of questions as expected and explained everything but she was nice so that was helpful.

But....... we went from lets do a local and gas sedation which suited me find to now ill be in a major hospital! under full general anaethetist! with the breathing tube!!!!

Apparently I am high risk for a lot of things so this is the safest way plus they have full facilities in case something goes wrong with other trained staff. They want to keep me overnight as well, so instead of being a day surgury in the dental hospital, I will be in the major hospital overnight. The new hospital is over 3 hrs away by train and about 4hrs by driving. It was advised to me that I stay in a hotel the night of and the night after im realeased to be sure im ok. So I need to book a hotel for 3 nights (one the night before, one so family can stay the night while im there and then the night im released) and then went back out into the waiting room before being called into the dentist who explained a few more things and got consent forms organised for the new hospital etc.

so all up i was there for about 2 hrs and in that time my pop and i were actually doing crosswords and findaword puzzles together instead of being on our phones.

oh and it wont be happening in january.february now as its a 3-6 month wait but they are trying to get me in asap. the dental team from the hospital i went to today only works in the hospital twice a month so its abit of a longer wait. , i need to wait for the nursing unit manager to give me a ring to confirm dates but its looking like its a little later in the yr and dentist has said if i need to go to the gp to get antibiotics and stronger pain relief when i need it.

so there was heaps of stuff to take in today and my brain is abit fried from all of that. i didnt have any meltdowns yet so that is a bonus too.

[demonblaster]

You've had a big day SLD 🤗

I imagine it'd be disappointing but then good they're doing the best by you hun. I imagine they'll be able to get you in well before that extended time.

Poor darling and good for you no melt downs nice going there SLD little wings.

Nice you and Pop had that time together, I enjoy word find and see them quickly.

Ok hun go easy on yourself and hopefully get good and plenty of sleep darlin

🤗☺ oh still got my little kinda bleached butterfly necklace was thinking about you when I was adjusting it 🦋🌹

Love and care sweet always 😚

[startingnew]

Thanks DB. it was a pretty big day yesterday, and today i had an invasive health test that was really painful and it shouldnt have been and since i have other symptoms they want to send me off to a specialist to see if i have Endometriosis, PCOS or something else which ive been asking them about for the past 2 yrs! at least its a step in the right direction.

I also finally finished my final assessment so thats all submitted and waiting for the results. if i get a satisfactory (fingers crossed) then it means ive passed.

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

I feel so proud of you for getting through the past couple of days. They sound like they were very stressful, with tests, information to absorb, etc. I’m relieved you’ll finally be receiving the health checks that you’ve wanted for 2 the past years. 2 is 2 years too long!

I suppose full facilities in February might be for the best to guard against all the risks. It’s a bit of a wait, but hopefully that’s for the best long-term...

Also well done on completing your final assessment 🙂 That is a big achievement. Will you be doing anything nice to celebrate?

Feeling very proud of you...gentle hugs and much love...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Hi Peps,

monday and tuesday were huge days! thankfully they are over but ive got a pretty busy next week as well as then after that school holidays start and xmas and the likes so it gets pretty busy for me with the kids off school.

I agree, waiting for surgury is better so that they are more prepared. i feel better and more ok with waiting up to another 6 months knowing what the new plans are, that the staff are better equiped as well. so its not happen in feb, more like from march onwards.

and the health tests, ive decided to hold off until the kids go back to school as well, ive put up with it this long so another month isnt going to hurt that way i can focus on one thing at a time. . i get the results back from the recent invasie test on wednesday from my nurse.

I found out today that i passed my course as well, im not up for much celebrating as ive got a stinker of a headache but treated myself to a piece of chocolate which is rare. ive only only got 5 more rounds of crochet to go and then the baby blankets done.

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

You just made my night 🙂 Congratulations on passing your course!

I knew you could do it. I’ve always had the utmost belief in you. I’m so proud, and I really hope you feel proud too. I think the chocolate treat was well deserved 😉

It’s a shame about the headache. It sounds pretty bad...

You must be relieved Monday and Tuesday are over though. Hopefully you get a little time to yourself (even though it probably won’t be much) before things start getting hectic in the holidays...

I think your decision to postpone the health tests makes a lot of sense. Tackling things one by one sounds like a smart strategy.

Feeling very proud of you. An extra warm big sis hug and much love...”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Hey Pepper girl

Sorry its taken me abit to come back here. Ive been having some big storms here with alot of lightning as well so have had to be careful using electrical devices etc. And im only able to use my phone atm which i find frustrating when wanting to respond properly.

Thank you, your post made me smile. I dont often have chocolate so it was nice as a treat.

Im not going to have much time to.myself unfortunately. Monday i have to see another nurse for a refferral to a exercise physiologist and then on wednesday i get my results from the latest tests from my nurse and its also when schools out. Im trying to get the back and front yard still done before xmas so still working on those and cause ive been abit lazy and tired ive let the inside of the house go abit. So still have a bit to do....

how are you going?

Thinking of you and my friends here.

sending much love hugs and butterflies

Xoxoxoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

It’s okay. Don’t even worry about it, no apology needed. I completely understand, especially considering the storms and everything. I would much rather you stay safe 😉

Sigh, I had a feeling that you wouldn’t have much time to yourself (mostly because I know how full your plate is). I wouldn’t call it “laziness”, but I think maybe it was more about how you needed some rest.

You’re always so warm and caring to ask. Thank you so much, lovely one. I’ve been having a rough time. Am hungover again. Was drinking & crying last night and into the very early hours, so not a pretty sight. Thank you again for caring. It means a lot 🙂

I’m looking forward to the office closing for about 2 weeks over the Christmas/New Year’s period, which means I get that time off work. I’ve a few more days of work this week till the office closes for the year, and won’t be re-opening till after New Year’s. I took an extra week off, so I have 3 weeks off work in total 🙂

All the best seeing the nurse today. I’ll be with you in spirit, gently supporting and comforting you 🙂

Warm hugs and much love...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello little butterfly,

I hope your vista the nurse goes as you wish it go sweety....I’m been sitting with you and listening to you, I’m sorry I’m not saying to much atm..but please know that I love and care about you and I’m listening....

sending you some beautiful butterfly 🦋 Magic dust..to brighten up your day...

Love and hugs little butterfly..💜💜🤗🤗🦋💜🦋..

Grandy👼