Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Wild Wings (and a wave to all),

Holding your hand and giving it reassuring squeezes...it’s okay, take a deep breath in then a deep breath out (and repeat). You can do this...breathe...

It sounds like you’re feeling very overwhelmed at the moment, and that your anxiety is peaking. Do you think maybe using your grounding exercises would be helpful to bring you back into the here and now?

I know there’s a lot to think (and worry) about when it comes to the future, but let’s bring the focus back to the here and now, lovely one. Here and now...here and now...

Warm hugs and much love...Sitting with you to offer comfort

“Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[Guest8901]

Good morning beautiful butterfly wings. 🦋

I have been following along here as much as I can. But gosh .. such a lot happening for you SN. I can barely keep up with it all, so its little wonder you're struggling.

Mmmm, I was not aware of the BPD diagnosis ... must have missed that bit. I have a friend I correspond with occasionally on line (she lives overseas) who has BPD. Not sure if you've tried either Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) or Schema Therapy? Both are meant to be very effective for BPD, but both are quite intensive treatments which require something like 12 months of regular therapy. Anyway, its something to keep in mind perhaps?

Oh you poor thing ... I so get the breathing thing. I posted to my thread only this week about something as basic as breathing and sleeping being just so darned hard to do. It really should not be this hard should it? As Pepper suggested ... perhaps try to concentrate on some of your grounding exercises. For me, it does help.

As for the brain chatter ... yeah I get that too. And it means sleep is near impossible. I have been listening to a talking book which my psych lent me. I found that quite helpful in that it does force my mind away from my worries for a time. Maybe you could try that too?

Thanks for your support on my thread SN. I tried to reply to everyone there in one post yesterday morning, but unfortunately I ran out of space. I am yet to respond to you and others, but will do so as soon as I can. Unfortunately not able to post consecutive posts, so I have to wait till someone replies before I can post there again. 😒 But wanted you to know I very much appreciate you calling in when you do.

I really hope things settle down for you soon SN. Its so unfair that you are having to deal with so much. I think I read somewhere that you went for a horse ride recently, the first time in a long while. I used to ride a lot when I was younger, my sister and I had our own horse when we lived on a farm growing up. Loved that pony so much, she was my best mate.

Thinking of you sweetie.

Amanda 😊💕👀

[startingnew]

Hey SL
thanks for checking in, I know your going through a hard time too. Im still catching up on everyones threads. Im kinda of use to the burning feeling, at least its improved abit now that ive made heaps of changes.
Carpal tunnel is awful isnt it! I wish mine was more numb then pain though. My specialist said that itll take time to heal and no surgury is required thankfully.


Love, hugs and butterflies
xoxoxox




Hey Peps

Thank you for sitting with me and the reminders to breathe. I forget to do that sometimes. There always just seems to be so much to worry about. I have been really busy today. Ive decided to try and organise a home care nurse for both myself and my pop for after surgury so ive made some enquiries and just need to wait back.
I contacted about some help with our bills and they will return my call within the next 48hrs.
And im giving my house a huge cleanup including scrubbing floors and replacing like kitchen appliances and utenstils and just updating. Today I spent my day cleaning out my pantry, junk drawers, etc and done a tip run, scrubbed out all the cupboards, floors, walls and draws and restocked the items within the kitchen and dining room (I havent repalced the new items yet). Tomorrow im pciking up a new table and chairs set, cleaning up the bathroom, hallway and its cupboards and the laundry.


yes exactly- trained and conditioned to look after others. Its just gotten harder again because mums working now so ill have the kids even more esp after school so its making it quite hard. Hopefully one she settles in there itll be better.... im not lookng forward to the 6 weeks holidays coming up thats for sure. ive had an increase in work already too, ive had 2 clients book me in for during the december/january period


Your right, I know no ones path is the same etc it is just hard though as that is what most are doing or assume im doing should be doing. It makes for some awkward conversations when I say I left school and I just become a carer. Theres nothing exciting. Im busy always but its nothing overly exciting to tell.


I love your description of your new avatar, it really suits you. Aw nights sucks dont they. It seems to be when everything catches up. You have so many qualities that make you a good role model peps, having a few flaws just makes you human and id rather you a human than a robot xox


sending much love, hugs and butterflies
xoxox

[startingnew]

Hello Mandy

its so lovely of you to pop in, I aprreciate your support too xoxo

Ive only been diagnosed with BPD for the past yr now so its still kind of new to me too. I have heard DBT is suppose to be good however I cant find many therapists in my area that do it. They have some groups but the wait list is 6 months long and doesnt run for a yr. Im not really a fan of groups at all though but ive got my own dbt workbook with exercises and coping methods in it. Its actually where I got a lot of the ones im currently using. I havent looked into schema therapy though, thank you.

The breathing and mind chatter are still going strong. I really dont know why its so hard to get rid of lately. I have been really busy today though with heaps of cleaning and thats whatll be involved in the next few days . Maybe itll be enough to tire my brain out as well!
And no breathing and sleeping shouldnt be this hard. I know some things on the news lately are extremely triggering so ive cut out all the tv, fb, news, newspapers etc till it all passes.

music use to help the brain chatter of a night but I get bored of it or my music tires out faster than my brain. I dont want to disturb pop so I have to make sure any music talking etc is done through headphones. I guess I could look into a book though to download.

Things arent going to settle down any time soon by the looks of it. Mums just started working in another job, the school holidays are coming up, my work loads increased, my studies are still continuing although im nearly done now and with xmas and surguries coming up ive lots of things to organise, clean, plan etc. no wonder they call it the silly season!!

I did have a ride, but it was only 10 minutes and even that was still abit much for my hand. Thankfully the pain is easing now but im still continuing to be careful even while im cleaning up.

Your welcome, thank you for being here for me too

Love, hugs and many butterflies being sent your way
xoxoxox

[startingnew]

Hello dear Birdy
As always I appreciate your posting when you do. Xox

It really does feel like my whole identity, what im doing now is really all ive known. It is daunting trying to think of other things too. I have set some boundaries but its really hard to maintain them. It honestly feels like they just get trampled on even though I try to enforce them as much as possible. I just cant seem to keep the stong backbone so to speak. The family boundaires are the hardest ones and the only ones I need to worry about for now as I dont have any friends.

I dont know whats making me feel embarrassed and want to shrink back but everytime I think of studying, working through my current course or others talk about studies I just et really embarrassed and cant even bring myself to say that im studying. Im alsmost finished it now and barely nayone knows im studying, I dont even know If I told mum or not. Ive just been doing it on my own.
Part of me thinks that my joy for things stops others from having joy in their lives. And a lot of the reactions ig et when I meantion studying hasnt been the most encouraging. Even my work as a carer doesnt please people either, im always getting told I should get a job or this or that.

I know now isnt the right time for dating, so im not rushing but a part of me wants to do it anyway. Its another part of my life in which I havent experienced at all. Ive never dated, oh once I did however within a few weeks they moved away and we mutally ended it and since then I havent had any other romatic relations. I feel so left behind in life and while I know I cant pedict whats around the corner it would be nice to experience 'normal' things like dating etc. I guess its not so much as wanting my life figured out so to speak but having some different experiences under my belt would be nice. Something outside truama, mental health and family responsibilities all the time. Im not really sure if this is making sense?

Thanks Birdy, ill have a look at the book you suggested too. It sounds interesting and something I might like to read too.


Love, hugs and many butterflies
xoxoxox

[startingnew]

Hey guys

ive written some posts up but they arent up as yet. I wanted to check in in the meantime though. its been some big days and im hoping after my cleaning mission today ill be able to actually get some sort of sleep.

im sorry its taken me so long to get back to you all

xoxoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

Always sitting with you, lovely one...

I’m so relieved that you enquired about a home care nurse for post surgery. I really hope that comes through...it would help both you and your pop, and most importantly, it would give you a break.

I think how you’ve been trained and conditioned to look after others (To always be the nurturer and carer) makes your decision to study that much more important. Studying is something you’re doing for yourself and your future. It’s not related to your carer duties or taking care of others...it’s a huge step forward in my opinion 🙂

You’ve certainly been very busy with your kitchen clean up. I’m both very impressed but also slightly worried, because aren’t you still recovering from a hand injury?

I get what you’re saying about how it’s hard to feel a sense of connection with your peers, because your path is so different to theirs at the moment. But as beautiful birdy suggested, maybe just take small steps to do things for yourself...studying is a great one. Are there any other things you’ve always wanted to do, but never had the time?

The upcoming school holidays sound hectic. I can feel your sense of dread...I’m wondering if there’s anyone else who can help look after your sisters (e.g. aunts or other family members?), and if there’s any chance that you could tell your mum that you can’t look after them on certain dates (to give yourself a break. You don’t even have to explain, maybe just say that you have other things on, and say it’s “personal” if she pushes).

Thank you, it made me smile to read that you like my new avatar. I relate to a storm much more than a clear, blue sky 😉 Thank you also for the lovely things you said...

Sending gentle hugs and gifting you with a bright lightning bolt. See my avatar? You can take any lighting bolt you like for courage, strength and protection. What kind of big sis would I be if I didn’t make sure my little sis didn’t have her own way to light up the sky? 😉

Much love...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[Birdy77]

Dear SN,

You are right, the family boundaries are so difficult to put up and maintain because not only have you been conditioned to care for everyone else's needs (no strong personal boundaries), but everyone else around you has been conditioned to walk all over you and expect you to take care of them.

So it's not only a thought or feeling inherently inside you, but it is constantly reinforced by the behaviour and expectations of others. When you try to put up stronger boundaries, they're likely not to take any notice of them because the way it's always been is the way it's always been ... habits are very hard to break.

So be gentle with yourself, but keep tending to those boundaries at every opportunity that you can. Even little everyday things can be really good practice and gradually the tide will, little by little, start to turn. It's hard work, but you do hard work every day, so you can do this.

I think it's ok that you haven't told your Mum or many people that you're studying. It absokjtely doesn't matter. It's something private to you, and who knows, you might do a bunch of different courses, not tell anyone else, and then do something with it some day and they'll be like "wow, who is this wild-winged woman?"

I think in a way it's a sort of subversive act: you doing your own private thing, right under their noses, without them even knowing about it. Kind of awesome if you ask me.

I have seen many threads in the forums from people in their twenties (I can think of three off the top of my head) having the same feelings and thoughts as you about dating. Being in their mid 20s, not having dated yet, worried because they're missing out on that experience. So you are most definitely not alone in that regard. Not "everyone" is travelling the traditional road, so don't you worry.

I understand that you would like to be getting some of those experiences under your belt, and you will. But the way i see it, these lessons that you are learning through your difficult family are really important to learn, and you will be a stronger woman for it and better equipped for relationships from the work you're doing on yourself within the context of the roles you play in the family. I see it as healthy that you build yourself up, practice boundaries etc before venturing into the wilderness of dating.

Trust your process. xo

🌻birdy

[startingnew]

HI everyone

Thank you for your msgs and for thinking of me. im sorry i havent been around. im not in a very good headspace at all.

I want to respond properly but i dont really have any words, just lots of sighing, tears and trying to cope by keeping out of everyone and everythings way .

[startingnew]

im sorry, i still cant answer. my heads a mess 😞 😞

ive gone right back, i didnt think i would end up back in this place, i didnt think a relapse would be this bad again.

Constanlty anxious yet sad, constant SI, very upsetting and disturbing dreams when i eventually get to sleep, just so irritated and everythings all over the place.

i dont know what else im suppose to do. im going to therapy, taking medications, practicing everything that anyones ever told me about recovery and yet here i am back in this awful place.

Im sorry, i dont mean to sound flat or anything but i am so lost, ive got no idea what to do or how else to cope