Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

Sigh, I feel for you...there’s really no relief from your responsibilities and pressures from others.

How I wish your mum was much more understanding. I get that she has her own stresses too, but you would think she would want the best for you. I feel a huge part of wanting the best for you would be letting you have your own life. I feel sad about the whole situation...

Maybe one day, you’ll have to just put your foot down e.g. telling your mum that you’re having Mondays and Tuesdays to yourself, and being really firm about it. Digging your heels in the sand and standing up to her, in a way....maybe she’ll get upset, yell or try to make you feel guilty. But you’ll just have to stand your ground...

I’m not saying you have to do it right now. But I get the feeling that maybe a firm approach with her might be the the only way to got (further down the track perhaps).

I think saying “yes” to everyone (serving and helping others) has been your way for so long that you don’t know any different, but I feel people who truly care about you would want you to have space to have your own life...

Your little sis 6th sense is working wonders...thank you very much for your beautifully supportive words and offer to me to talk here or wherever I like. That means a lot, lovely one 🙂

Sigh, I think that I get what you mean about the whole “meh” mood. I do feel sad that you’ve lost your passion for the horses and so many things. Then again, considering all you’re going through, it would be hard to feel a real zest for life most days...

I know feelings of abandonment are a big struggle with your BPD. That being said, I think your feelings are valid and important either way.

But, as you said, maybe the BPD magnifies it all. So it can hurts that much more. Sitting with you in your sadness and offering comfort and support...

Much love and gentle hugs...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Just a quck check in this morning

Peps- just wanted to say i love your new avatar-very fitting

[Lici]

Hi startingnew (And a wave to all 😊),

I read something last night that made me think of you. I'll write it up here. Hopefully it doesn't come across as condescending, but I thought it more of a sign that you're not alone. It's titled Tips for Caregivers.

• Manage your stress levels: consider how stress affects your physical health (high blood pressure, stomach aches, etc.). Find ways to relax. Practice proper breathing techniques. Exercise regularly
• Set realistic goals: break large tasks into smaller steps, and prioritise. Focus on what you are able to provide, and say 'no' to requests that are draining your energy.
• Give yourself credit: it's normal to feel guilty sometimes, but understand that no-one is 'perfect.' You are doing the best you can under the current circumstances, and that is all that can be expected of you.
• Allow yourself some 'me time': you deserve a break from your caregiving duties. No-one can do it all by themselves. Ask for (and accept) help from others, so you'll have time to do all the things that you enjoy doing (and that will replenish your energy).
• Focus on the positive: grieve your losses, if necessary, but prevent your mind from getting hijacked by pessimism (because it can cause you to shy away from taking chances). Focus primarily on the positive results, and cherish the good times with your loved ones.
• Get enough rest and eat properly: make sure you get enough sleep according to a fixed schedule, not just when you feel tired. Stick to a healthy, well-balanced diet.
• Live in the moment: when you try to control every situation, you will get lost in the chaos. Sometimes, you just need to let go of yesterday's regrets and not worry too much about what tomorrow will bring.

Take care of yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

I know some of this will look condescending etc. But if you think about it, if carers without your added issues need things like this to remind them to take care of themselves, then you're not alone with how you feel with that part of your life. I thought maybe it could help a little bit knowing that.

Hugs. I hope your surgery goes well. I had 5 teeth taken out (4 wisdom and 1 other) when I had the plate in my jaw. It was scary and it sucked for a few weeks afterwards, but I'm kind of glad they did it all at once instead of one at a time.

I hope you get a chance to relax soon. Xx

Lici

[startingnew]

Hi SL


Yeah my stomach is going okish for the moment, ive pretty much eliminated everything that was setting it off. Im still finding some things but I just keep eliminating things. I still have to be very careful though. Most of the time my stomach just feels like is burning all the time but its abit better than what it was where I felt I needed to throw up all the time.


Yep carpal tunnel syndrome which the main nerve in the arm. My fingers have been pretty sore and they go abit stiff form where they were injured so I still have to be careful with that too. It get abit old and frustrating trying to minimise everything. I had a small ride on a horse, the first in close to 3 yrs now and when I got off my hand and esp my fingers and wrist was in agony and stiff and that was only a 10 minute ride.


Im slowly making progress with my aunts blanket, I made a mistake about half way so I had to take quite abit apart which was prob around 2 hrs work so it wasnt the set back I needed but im going forward again now.


Aww thanks, I feel so special your sharing one of your choccies with me
xoxoxox

[startingnew]

Hello Peps,

I wish she had abit more understanding too, I know she would be trying her best though sometimes I really really doubt that but its now at the point of I dont evne know what im suppose to do. Even if I was to have my own life so to speak I still dont know what to do with it. In a way I stil always feel on alert to get the kids or something else. I know im a carer for pop so im a little limited in that way but even when im studying sometimes it makes me really anxious about why im even bothering or what others might think of me.
I guess part of the hesitation too is I dont really have much passion for something, something thatll give me that fire to plant my foot and stand my ground. Maybe one day ill get some sort of fire again.

Yes exactly, ive always said yes, only done horse, and only done caring that I really dont know what else is out there, well I do but I didnt have that opportunity to explore more like others my age would be doing. I feel rather alone atm, not on here but in life in general. Most people I know are having babies, or buying themselves cars, creating buissness, houses, dating or are in a relationship but here I am completely different.

Your welcome sis, please dont forget how special you are to me, this may be 'my' thread but I dont mind others talking here. I want others to feel safe no matter where they talk.

Yeah the 'meh' mood can be quite hard to deal with. Its confusing caring about everything yet caring about nothing either. BPD yes very much magifies just about anything, im slowly working on that though. That diagnosis is still ratehr new to me but it makes so much sense and it clicks in as to why I am the way I am.

Thanks Pepper girl
xoxoxoxoxoxox

[startingnew]

Hi Lici


thanks so much for the tips, some of those are so hard to implement but I at least try to maintain my physical health with exercise and balanced diet even though it can be hard to do with such a fussy eater.


Im really not looking forward to having 6 teeth taken out esp the wisdom teeth. I have an awful gag reflex probably because of my past so any fingers that go near the back on my mouth doesnt go well at all ane makes me feel really sick so hopefully by the time I leave and the sedations worn off I wont have to have a mouth full of gauze.... I do definently want them out all at the same time at least Ill only have to deal with it once. Im terrified but I know itll solve a lot of my pain and infections so im going to try my best to be brave.


Thanks heaps
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[demonblaster]

SLD just a quicky, caught up properly.

Last night I researched BPD 🤤 good as you said to have an understanding of why and you will get through because you always do honey.

You'd know to check with chemist I'd imagine lovey but might be something on the market to ease the burning in tum. Great you've eliminated and easing off.

I have carpel tunnel both wrists. Mostly numb but not much pain. They've come a long way with ops I've heard several say not unbearable like it used to be after the op.

Cause you are special to receive choccys 😚

Love to ya darling ☺🤗🕊🦋

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

I know, because of your upbringing, you have been pretty much trained and conditioned to look after others. To put others first and yourself last...sigh...

I think it’s all you have known, so no wonder you feel such a heavy sense of responsibility...I only hope that one day you can lay down some of that responsibility, as well as those feelings of constantly being judged by others...

As you said, you’ve never really had the chance to explore and find out what really makes you tick. But in order to do that, I feel you first need the time and space (away from your responsibilities) to do that. I like to think your new course, stressful as it might be, is a step in that direction...

I feel your loneliness, lovely one. I think it’s hard (and confusing) when you see people around you on a different path. But I would also like to gently remind you that not everyone has had the same life path...

So I feel it stands to reason that not everyone will be doing the exact same thing at the exact same time. Those people buying houses, having babies, etc didn’t lead the life that you did, just as you didn’t live like them...hopefully I’m making sense.

That being said, I get what you’re saying about the loneliness. There isn’t really a peer around you who is also a carer, and has the same stresses and pressures as you. Someone your age who understands what it’s like to be responsible for so many people...I feel sad for you but also admire your courage...

Thank you so very much for your beautiful words and allowing me space here (or wherever) to talk. I keep saying this, but it truly means a lot.

Big sis Pepper here has been having a bit of a rough time. Having a drink before bed pretty much most nights, mostly because I’ve kept my cool (so to speak) all day, so I just about reach my emotional limit late at night. But, as I always say, I’m not claiming or aspiring to be any kind of example of role model. I’m most definitely not. Lol.

I’m glad you like my new avatar. I like it too 🙂 I chose lightning because it’s beautiful, in a way, but it’s also wild and a little sinister. I like the wild and unpredictable quality of it...

Sending you a warm breakfast, gentle cuddles and much love...

”dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[Birdy77]

Dear SN,

I completely understand what you mean when you say "If I'm not doing this, then who am I?" I think it's natural to feel that way when you've played a particular role for such a very long time. It feels like your whole identity, but it's only a part.

To start thinking, imagining, dreaming of doing other things can feel daunting, maybe scary, because it's undefined, unchartered territory.

Maybe it's also to do with it being about you for once. You're so accustomed to being everything for everyone & not thinking of what you want or need or desire. To do so feels foreign & strange.

Setting boundaries can be really hard. It changes the dynamics in your relationships. Some people won't like it. When I started to learn to put up healthier boundaries, I lost some friendships because they didn't like the new rules: they no longer benefited as much. Diddums. The dynamics in my family changed as well: really uncomfortable, but necessary.

Your higher self is starting to shake you gently as she looks out for your future wellbeing. Trust her. She knows what she's doing.

I think it's good that you're studying again. Can you identify what it is that makes you feel embarrased & want to shrink back?

I think dating will come in it's own good time. You said it isn't the right time for you, so just trust that and don't feel in a rush. I didn't meet my soulmate until my early 30s. We wouldn't have been ready for each other if we'd met any earlier. So just trust it will come at the right time.

But the feeling of holding back because it will make others unhappy is something you can work on, again just babysteps of bringing the focus back to you, rather than everybody else.

I know you worry that you're not doing what others your age are doing, but as your darling big sister said, everybody is on their own path. You d be surprised how many people are still living at home, going to uni, messing around, wondering what to do with their life. It might feel like everyone else has it all together, but loads & loads of us don't. Try not to compare yourself. It's hard, I do it too. I often wonder what I'll do when I'm an adult, like, legit.

Briohny Doyle has written a fabulous book called Adult Fantasy: searching for true maturity in an age of mortgages, marriages, and other adult milestones. You might find it interesting, & comforting to know you are not alone when it comes to not following the "traditional" stepping stones to "adulthood".

Take good care of you.

🌻birdy

[startingnew]

thank you so much for your posts guys

im really not coping so well, im not exactly sure what has set it off but its causing chest pain and even at rest im so short on breath i need to kepe remeinding myself to actually breathe.

my worries are so loud but sometimes they arent distinguished they are just one loud noise that goes round and round and roung and it just doesnt stop no matter what i do.

any suggestions?