Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Guest8901]

Dear SN,

Really sorry things are so difficult for you at present. Does not sound good at all. This is brief, but well meaning. Please take good care and do not put unnecessary pressure on yourself. Forgive yourself your occasional setback ... it happens to us all. Continue to do the things which have worked for you in the past, and you will pull through again.

Amanda 🤗 🌹 💜

[startingnew]

Hi my Pepper girl

it really does feel like a burden esp the past few days. Im constantly getting in trouble for everything. I dread car rides or being at home with anyone lately, I really just want to hide away.
Ive been crochetting and studying and submitted my first assignment today which is ok.
My car is also breaking. Looks like it might be an 800$ fix which isnt what I needed right now, ive already got bills soaring over my head. Ive increased even my labouring work and done 3 hrs yesterday, 2 hrs today and will done another 2-3 hrs tomorrow.

Tired and struggling is a good way to put it. I am just doing the survival thing atm only I still have to work and study but other than that im not really doing a lot.
Thank you, I would love to have a cup of tea with you. That sounds perfect.


Im so glad your seeing some butterflies. I would love if you seen some more unusual ones too. A white one with some black on it would be a nice one to see.
Love, and hugs and butterfly wishes
xoxoxoxox


Hi Mandy
thank you, your post means a lot to me. I am using my coping strategies as well as keeping safe and busy. Hopefully these shades will lift soon, or ill start doing things right again so that im not burdening everyone.
Thank you again
Love, hugs and many butterfly wishes
xoxoxoxox

[demonblaster]

Hey SLD 🤗

You're doing the hard yards honey. I know you have bills but please lovey be careful with yourself you've been so crook and still in so much pain poor darling.

Been keeping an eye on you, do anyway whether voice or not same with all my lovelies.

Glad you're doing some more crocheting, sounds tricky Aunty being fussy.

Well done getting an assignment in.

Keep going little trooper cracks of light arevslowly popping through and remember we always look back on times, it doesn't stay the same.

Hope you're able to get some sleep little Wings lifes so much easier with more energy.

🤗😚💗 🕊❤🦋

[Peppermintbach]

Hi darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all the kind people here),

Gentle hugs...I know you may feel like a “burden” as you put it but I don’t believe you actually are. Although I get how constantly being blamed/getting into “trouble” might make you feel that way. I tend to think it says more about them than it does about you...

I’m glad you’re doing your best to not overwhelm yourself by sticking to essential tasks/activities. Sigh, the money situation sounds very stressful and that huge car bill is the last thing you need...

Tea with you sounds perfect 🙂 What tea do you like? I tend to like a variety of black tea, vanilla chamomile or teas with a bit of a tangy flavour in it like citrus or lemon myrtle.

I’ll sit here with you quietly, sharing tea, and hoping we spot some butterflies fluttering around. The rare butterfly you described sounds lovely. I always get an instant lift when I spot a butterfly 🙂

As always, much love and gentle but squishy hugs...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Hi SL

im being as careful as possible and still limiting what I do but ive needed to do something about my finances so I just do an extra hr or 2 here and there just to save abit. Once I get some of my bills sorted ill be able to reduce the workload again. It is stressfull that I again cant afford my medications or have to go without so much just to make ends meet at the moment. And my cars going to cost 800 to fix and all my accounts are in arrears because of things being taken out like loans etc.
ive stopped doing my aunts blanket atm, ive run out of yarn and it was making me feel sad because it just doesnt feel good enough. Ive gone back to my rainbow blanket for now until she she buys more yarn.
I really hope those cracks of light come in more and more. Its such a 'meh' few days. Maybe tomorrow will be better..
thanks for keeping an eye on me
xoxo


Hi Peps


yeah I really do feel like a burden, everywhere that I go. I can usually control those thouhts but lately I cant even argue with them my brain just agrees. I had my therapy session and to be honest itfelt like a waste of time. She didnt make me feel like that, id already cancelled the week before as I had commitments but im just in this weird state of ive just got nothing to say. Everythings the same but still have nothing to say, probably because of the repetitiveness.
My main answer the past few days is 'I dont know'
im thinking that maybe as a little extra I could make some facewashers, dishclothes, beanies and scarves and sell them. If I make enough maybe I could make a market stall up and take some of my clearout items as well....


I really like the english breakfast teas, so that would be perfect! I treid chamomile and also green tea but they werent to my liking. Maybe we will see some butterflies, your coming to pay me a visit today too, a storm is forecast for today. I havent seen any butterfflies or my little willywag tails either! Maybe they know theres a storm coming too.
Thanks my sweet sis for being here always
xoxox




hello to Mandy, GG, Mrs D, Sez and everyone here too

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

Oh Little Wings, please let me assure you that you’re most certainly not a burden, even if your brain is telling you otherwise...a super warm hug from me...

You sound so tired and down...here, come sit next to me. I’ll keep you company...

I think a person can only take so much before we emotionally switchh off a little to cope...I don’t mean necessarily numb but I mean just lacklustre and meh...

Sigh, the money situation must be so stressful. I really hope your beanies, scarves, etc sell...as if you need financial pressures on top of everything else. I really feel for you...it’s never one thing...

I like English Breakfast tea too 🙂 Hopefully the storm wasn’t too bad for you. Then again, I have said before if you see rain or a storm, that’s big sis here coming to say hello and sending you my love and blessings...

Many hugs and love from my stormy heart...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Thanks Peps

Im still in a dark place but just holding steady for now and managing the best i can. im going to speak to a gp tomorrow and see if they can maybe adjust my medications and see if that helps a little. i was told by psychiatrist i was able to increase in a few weeks and its been a while since then s maybe thatll help me to just realign myself abit.

my cars going to get fixed tomorrow, we are trying a cheaper option first and since ive paid for the parts required im able to pay off the labouring fees so has taken a bit of the stress off. still have to sort out the other bills piling up but im trying to just work though that knowing im not able to pay more than what i can actually afford.

ive been doing a heap of work as well which is helping pay off somethings so is abi of relief though its making me incredibly tired!

no surprisingly most of the storm missed us, we had quite abit of rain though and the occassional flash and thunder, further north though got it quite badly with some close lightning stikes to the ground and power outages.

how are you going? have you seen anymore butterflies lately?

im going to try and be here abit more too for you and my friends and hopefully greet some more members too. i miss being here.

Love, hugs and butterfly wishes

Dusk Til Dawn

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling Butterfly Wings (and a wave to all),

I think you are very brave to keep holding on. Seeing a GP today sounds like a good idea. Hopefully the appointment is helpful...

Your car (plus other) bills must make you feel so stressed. I admire your level headed approach by trying to tackle 1 bill at a time...

I’m glad the storm wasn’t too bad for you. In any case, that was me saying hello 😉

Funny you asked, I did see a black and orange butterfly yesterday. I don’t know if it was a monarch or not because aren’t there a few different types of black and orange butterflies?

I haven’t seen many white ones lately but I’ve been seeing a few black and orange butterflies 🙂 They always make me think of you and give me a little boost in spirit...

You’re very caring to ask, lovely one. It has been a very emotional time for me. Often I’m not even sure how I’m even feeling. Just lots of different emotions, which makes it hard to describe. Erratic maybe...lots of emotions and lots of thoughts...

I do find that time spent outdoors, especially in the sun, very calming. I haven’t had the chance to visit the beach recently but hope to do so some time during the next couple of weeks...they’re such peaceful, rejuvenating places. I love the smell of salty air, and the feel of sand 🙂

Sending gentle hugs, love and affection plus well wishes for today’s appointment...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello little butterfly,

Its been a little while since I have been to visit you, but I have been following your thread and have thoughts of you regularly...

I wanted to share with you a beautiful butterfly that I saw flittering around here this morning, it was mainly orange with black trimmings. they are very common out here but they always amaze me by the way they look, they are very beautiful and when I watch them dancing in the sun it brings a little smile to me, because they remind me of you....

Well done in organising to be able to pay the labour costs off for your car....

We had lots of storms out my way and wow so noisey and the light show, I started to watch, but got much for me so I buried myself under my blankets and took my my iPad with me under there..😁..

I really hope that your gp can help you with your med adjustments and you start to feel better...

Im wishing you a beautiful, peaceful and restful day today, although I heard your doing more hours, I hope you can find some time to just sit somewhere quietly and relax throughout the day..... I hope you’re sleeping better of a night with the extra hours and you being physically tired, I hope that a restful sleep finds you...

Love and hugs, little butterfly 🦋...🤗💜💜...

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey SLD 🤗

Just dropping in to let you know I'm with you as well keeping 👀on you and 🤝

Hoping your meds can be sorted and that you got some off your chest today

Good on you working hard but darling be careful with your poor body its been copping it hard for quite a while now.

Good you can pay the labour off with the car.

It never seems like it at the time lovey but we always look back on hard times and your really doing the hard yards to get on top of things and you will.

You're a survivor little wings and you're doing amazingly well in hard circumstances.

Keep on keeping on sweetheart and look after yourself Starts

Untold 🤗💗🍫😙