Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Ggrand]

Hello Litte butterfly,

Oh no....that’s all you needed was to see the dr that screwed your hand up..I would have done the same..get your results and leave....I agree with your Starts, please don’t leave it to long if it’s a kidney infection, they usually take you straight in to hospital and put you on a drip if it’s the kidneys...So please sweetheart be careful....

Sleep is very important to get each night. I’m struggling with sleep atm, I have started using a YouTube baby lullaby’s vid, the music is gentle and soothing and if I can get my mind to stop chattering I will concerntrate really hard on the gentleness of it...it does help to sooth the soul and I’m needed that atm...

Hard as it is..yes hun let it go...I know that your in need of the extra $ but sweety your health is so much more important...

Please don’t be sorry little butterfly, we all have times we cannot post, when your feeling up to it you can post but it’s really not necessary, not for me, you just concerntrate please sweety on getting you well.....

Ill just sit quietly here with you, and keep you company for a while if that’s okay....

love and hugs,

Grandy..

[startingnew]

Hi Little angel,

im sure i wrote a post up about half hr ago... maybe i didnt..... there were other updates in there as well, hopefully it comes up soon.

I went to my normal gp practice today after being more confused from yesterdays gp. im doing 3 different tests tomorrow- the main one will come back tomorrow which is ultrasounds but also bloods/urine testing yet again for other things. the last test come back negative as a kidney infection so it is something else, he meantioned kidney stones, gallbladder issues, or possibly inflammation possibly caused by my medications ( a rare but serious side effect). ultrasound is getting done first thing in the morning and results tomorrow arvo so its moving quickly at least. there was so much to take in today, my mind is kinda in overload.

im just not sleeping little angel, im tossing and turning but in doing that it hurts more but i just cant sleep. i listen to music, and even take my emergency meds for calming and they arent even working.

i have let the client go, they are still ignoring me but its out of my hands now, i send a msg last night saying today would be the last feeding so its not my problem anymore, i hate having it come to this but it had to be done.

yes please, i would appreciate it if you sat with me for a while. i have fresh baked choc chip muffins and hot chocolate to share too xoxox

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful Butterfly Wings,

Congratulations on 3 months 🙂

That is a huge achievement! One that I know wasn’t easy at all. I feel very proud of you, and I hope you feel the same way too...

Well done 🙂

Not sleeping well is horrible though. I feel the lack of sleep must make everything else feel so much worst...

I hope all your medical tests run smoothly today. I know sometimes they can be nerve racking/triggering for you so remember to breathe and maybe bring one of your safety points with you. Mind you, it’s just a gentle suggestion so make of it what you will 😉

Much love...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

Hey peps and everyone

i had 2 tests done but the main one im doing tomorrow morning and will get the results back tomorrow afternoon. im super nervous and scared of what the results may bring......

i worry i might be hospitalised, or need surgury. i mean if i have to then i will but its not stopping the fear very much at all

[Peppermintbach]

Hi magnificent Butterfly Wings (waves to all),

Well done on getting through 2 tests yesterday. Big sis here is very proud of you...

A very gentle hug from me...I know you’re frightened and worried but maybe just it take 1 moment at a time. I’m thinking maybe try not to get too ahead of yourself with “what if’s”...

Remember the here and now...here and now...here and now...

I’ll be with you in spirit today at your apppintment and when you receive the results, gently encouraging you and sending courage and comfort. We will do this together...

Big Love...

”Dusk till dawn”

Pepper xoxox

[Just Sara]

Hello sweet pea Butterfly Wings;

Thankyou for keeping an eye out for me on my thread hun; much appreciated I must say considering you're facing some unpleasantness of your own. That's a sign of greatness you know 🙂

I also wanted to congratulate and thank you for supporting people on the cptsd thread. What a wonderful job you're doing. I'm so grateful and proud of you 🙂

I read over your posts more than once to savour your generous and helpful 'way'. You've got the touch...

To think, just over 12 months ago you were suffering panic, anger, insecurity, disordered thinking and not knowing if you'd make it thru each day, to now supporting yourself and others as you do. I'm in awe! And so should you be. If you can get thru this type of situation, you can get thru anything. Absolute faith in you SN. 😄 Thankyou again...

Love and hope...

Sez xoxo

[startingnew]

Hi Sez

What an amazing surprise to see you pop up on here! After a s**t day too, youve given me big smiles 😄 sweet pea and Butterfly wings, now isnt that special huh.

you are making me blush though, i still cant take compliments well! your going to have to take quite abit of the credit for where i am now ive had some pretty good role models here y'know.i often wondered where i wouldve been had i of not asked for help almost 2 yrs go and stayed and accepted the help offered.

Of course im looking out for you!! my gosh you mean so much to me, it doesnt matter how bad things are for me i will still look in on you and that is becasue i WANT to not HAVE to. ps my heart beams with pride for you too, youve come a long way in the time ive known you.

Yes, unfortuntley still have too many problems for my liking but just have to take it one thing at a time, i have a surgury coming up as well by mid next yr. who knows whatll happen in between then.

Thank you Sez, for being here always even when your not online your in my spirit

Sending many hugs and butterfly wishes.

Love you..

BW xoxoxo

[startingnew]

Hello my sweet Peps and all

I havent heard back from my gp as yet but had the ultrasounds done it took over an hr to do! hopefully will hear back tomorrow about it, until then have to hang tight.

I finally got a headspace appointment! for this thursday morning. i dont have many sessions left but its a good start for now.

i havent heard anything from TAFE as yet but hopefully will soon, they said it does take some processing. will contact them at the end of the week if i havent heard anything.

mmmm ill be having sisters overnight again. not much choice there but at least its only overnight. Has been a rather rough day but will just chill tonight, really over done it... again 😕 my crochetting is calling me though and im almost halfway there so its progressing nicely. btw it is pastel rainbow and white coloured 🙂

[startingnew]

My Peps,

i am very proud of you too just becasue, there doesnt have to be a reason. I am indeed taking it in short increiments. the minutes can go by soooo slooowwwlllyyyy!

Yes need to remember here and now, feel abit like road runner sometimes only it is my brain going a thousand miles an hr rather than my physical body.

Sending much love, super hugs and butterfly wishes

'Dusk till Dawn'

BW xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

[demonblaster]

Hey SLD (( x ))

Caught up, your other post did land cause I checked back it's on previous page.

Congratulations darling that's a boom no self harming in 3 mths with the stress you have continuously geez chooks too much yet you make me SO proud how you just keep at it little wings of steel 🙂

So pleased you're back to crocheting cause for a bit you'd lost interest, understandable and the pastel colours are soothing and white's such a nice colour it's so fresh and clean, I love White flowers too.

I guess in one way it's great at least kidney infect is out which is good and if it's stones they zap them now with laser and key hole I think mostly so it's pretty slick these days if it is and agree well done getting these out the way. I'm going to book in finally for an ultra sound or two maybe the main one for the side it went again so I thought nah but flared up with back probs so it's time now. Weird I can't feel any lumps and loaded with lypomas but it feels like something bigs in there.

Liking a lot what our darling Peppy said about trying to focus on the now, often it's our thoughts before hand darling that cause us more grief than the event and of course magnifies the situation. I also suggest that I think you're pretty on top of anyway is the deep breathing and say to yourself relax on exhale. I tell a lot of people that one. (our gorgeous Grandy told me that and it's proven to help) You may know this one too also proven to open neural pathways in the brain which has helped with lateral thinking my new psych (hope this isn't repeat) said do breathing then look at objects where ever you are and the 3D height, length & width. Then later into the breathing listen for sounds around you. Heightens awareness.

Ok lovely one/s HUGE ((( xxx ))) for any takers

Good luck with everything Starts 🙂 Hope some relief in pain soon and that you get some long lost sleep darling x