My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[1113]

Always!

I found my inspiration! Living! Not all the other things! Time is my issue. Single dad. Be looking for a job soon!

Forever in respect!

Catch ya next time

GOLDENCHEFBOY MDOG Matt six 6 1113 and i can't remember the rest

SWJ

[SourceShield]

GoldenBoy,

When we say "time is my issue" we affirm this as an OTT.

Instead say...

"I create my time"

"I have enough time to do all the things that I want and need to do in my life...to live my best life"

...and then activate with positive activity...

---

Time is a precious illusion, for there is only the now...connect with all that you can, in this one moment, and all moments after this...will unfold perfectly for you.

PeaceOut

SorcererWolf

[1113]

Wolf,

I will send my boy up to you for a week!

Time illusion issue LAY He is on holidays next week!

Now Im really going

Peace out brussel sprout

Mad Jesus LAM

[SourceShield]

MJ <-LAY

Too easy...he'd love it with me!.

You have all the time that you need to do all that you want to do...but it's up to you to believe that or not.

Life and how we live it, is a choice.

The wise remember this, the foolish complain about it.

...be wise...

Peace

WolfSource

[1113]

Bro,

Pentatonix Christmas----------YOUTUBE.

WICKED.

Catch ya soon.

MJ

[SourceShield]

Hey my bro!

...Pentatonix...

Awesome suggestion my man!

Listened to their chrissy stuff, nice...and now listening to their other stuff!.

Listening to them as I type...champion.

Peaceful and harmonic!

...Harmoniously balanced...

Ohhhhhhh man, I worked at the gabba today...I swear, I nearly had a 'fit'.

Like a proper mega-fit!.

It was so full the fudge on mah nizzle!.

I could feel myself becoming really agitated by the end of the day...I could feel a 'glitch', in the system coming up in the mind-body...but instead of giving into it, and flipping out, I held my composure and finished my shift.

My HFA brain was getting tired and exhausted.

I was feeling really claustrophobic.

You know how it is, people yelling at each other in a small working space.

I held my calm all day...but by the end I was definitely feeling it man.

You would've been proud of me.

I'm rather happy with myself right now!.

I did not lose it...instead...I asserted a boundary.

I simply told the supervisor the truth.

For real, no shizz.

I just told her that I could feel myself becoming irritated by all the loud noise.

People yelling at each other, and yelling for the next order.

You know what it's like.

I get super-sensitive to noise and sounds, especially when I'm physically exhausted.It makes me feel really claustrophobic.

Thankfully the supervisor is also studying to be a nurse, and I've told her about the HFA etc.

She's awesome.

In fact the whole team is really good...it was just mega full on today.

I feel really good bro.

It's something so small, but I didn't lose it, I stayed calm, and the truth set me free!.

And so it is.

I know for sure now that we can release the attachment to ALL OTT.

For real.

MuchLove my bro.

You keep taking good, good, care of you and my nephew.

PeaceOut

CB​

[1113]

Bro,

I am so happy right now!

Thankyou thankyou thankyou.

This is going to be the best Christmas in all of time!

I will not be forgetting this time in my life ever!

You have a bro, truly!

I have complete oneness with myself!

How are going?

Did you listen to Pentatonix? Acapella Harmonious genusis's.

Chat soon

SWJ

MATT.

[1113]

Bro,

Lag best again.

I'm proud of u bro. It must be difficult to sort everything and have it harmonious. Good stuff boiiiii JLIG just laughing in general. New one.

To many people makes me sensitive to everthing. Music is so good anytime to calm the brain.

Im still having sleep issues. Im still positive, happy. Just tired.

Its settling more and more everyday.

I could work more on composure?

How ya doing now?

I went a bit mad jesus earlier...LAM

Pentatonix.......so good.

Chat when your free!

Peace

MJ

[SourceShield]

Hey bro!

I'm great...had a really good day today.

The pressure was still on us...it was another full on day.

But, I'm learning to assert my boundaries, thoughts and feelings in a helpful way.

Releasing the OTT has been genuinely helping me man.

Had a good laugh at work today...all throughout the day.

It's like...when my energy is harmoniously-balanced, everything else around and within me works in perfect harmony.

I still muck up and I'm far from perfect but I pay less attention to the OTT and more attention to just being as fully present and at ease as I can.

I'm feeling really good because of this, like I've found the curve of the wave that I can surf on smoothly...like a Kahuna!!!.

I'm a Kahuna, kinda...I do Kahuna Massage.

It's super good for you, if you're into massage.

It's spiritual and physical and emotional and psychological...it's a holistic form of bodywork and massage.

Bro, just keep on laughing at the mad jesus moments...if you have a moment, laugh it at. Learn from it. Live in the moment.

Let the rest go.

You are all good Matt.

There's not a 'bad' bone in your body, okay my bro?

Go for it MJ...Have fun!!!. <-LAY

Pentatonix were good.

Not something that I could listen to everyday.

But I have an eclectic sense of musical taste.

Lookup, Childish Gambino and Kendrick Lamar

They are both awesome artists.

Hip hop, rnb...artists...

The kinda music I write and perform is similar to their styles...blended together!

How are you, are you okay?

What's up with your dreams man?

Remember that the point isn't to 'have it ALL sorted' - that's technically impossible!.

We just make the most of the hand that we have been dealt with all our 'disorderly' stuff, factor all that in, and we do our best from there!

We are born to be imperfectly-perfect and perfectly-imperfect!.

The journey is meant to be ups and downs, and twists and turns, and stumbles and falls...the child must stumble before they can run...

Include ALL of the in your story, even the so-called 'bad times' and you'll see that all is always well.

Always was, always will be.

Even our darkest times and our lowest times and our weakest times must be included for the picture to be complete.

Thats why we must have the courage to Forgive oneself, Accept all others, Connect to loving-kindness and Embrace true freedom.

Can you see the acronym there?

FACE- We FACE the past by Forgiving, Accepting, Connecting and Embracing!

Practise this technique.

Peace

KMAN

[1113]

Morning,

I hope all are well.

Bro,

I'm ok being me! This I have accepted! Accepting me is what set me free.

Forgiveness is not for other's. You cannot give "forgiveness" its only a feeling inside you. I forgive myself.

My brain sometimes paints a pattern that I see wrong. I love a good puzzle. Its really fun. Hurts sometimes. Brain implosion...LAM MJ. I was empathicly depressed yesterday. But all g now.

But, people have a good heart!

I usually dont look at one peice of a painting to appreciate the art.

I want to help. I truly do, everyone is good. I have little time now.......LAY boundaries. Family must come first.

I see no wrong or right! Just caring! No judgement. Joy. I can't change this about me.

I'm in holiday mode atm. Getting ready for chrissy.

Calm

Happy

Compassionate

Forgiving

Love

Free

Thanks

Have a good day all.

Peace

SWJ

Chat soon.

Matt 6.