My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[SourceShield]

Evening brother!

Amber sounds cheeky like her dad!

Bundy talks with his whole body.

He also 'speaks' a lot as well.

He makes that funny dog-talk sound, if you've heard malamute dogs talk...Bundy talks like that too!.

He is a very expressive dog.

He knows that I'm writing about him.

He's watching me, as I type.

I had my slacker day today, and just ate a 1/2 tub of ice cream!.

It was good.

Now, I'm hungry for something savoury...

MuchMunchies

KSLAMJAW

[1113]

Jesus Malverde meet Matthew gift of god. LOFINGL.

BRO,

Check the 2016 Christmas chilli out lounge first up.

Nice!

Peace

Chef.

[SourceShield]

Matthew Gift From God meen Green Lantern!.

---

Morning Brother.

I read your Christmas message - I'm glad that you've found your mission.

Reach out to those people that need it!.

Just remember that 'fake' people, need 'help' too...we don't need to judge people, for wherever they are on their journey. We are all at different places on the path. There must be no judgement, of any, for unconditional love to be complete.

You're going to need to remember that if you're mission is to work with people with mental health issues...there are all sorts of unusual and special people out here!.

I have a big day at work.

I will chat later tonight, or tomoz.

MuchLove brother.

Kaitoa

[1113]

Green Lantern meet Lucy Lawless

Bro,

This I understand.

You have a great day.

Peace

Matt

[SourceShield]

Evening bro!

Lucy Lawless meet Lance Armstrong.

---

That's a cool new profile pic man...is that a pic of your back yard?

I love the colours...makes me feel peaceful.

How's your day goin?

MuchLove

KBro

[1113]

Morning Bro,

Yesterday was a good day. I walked with people and kept my head held high. I pretty sure....no wait.....I am absolutely positive that my agrophobia is gone!.

I had one of my best sleeps and such a wounderful dream last night.

My profile picture is "our" back yard.

It is this beautiful planet whicn we all own.

It is a symbol of a new day.

The sun is rising and will soon blanket the earth will its warm, love, growth and healing properties.

I will read the OTT THREAD...... we have a loving family with us.

I needed to sleep last night. My body just gave into my needs.

Lance Armstrong meet Sir Alfred Hitchcock

I love you bro, Thankyou for being you!

I will chat when you wake!

Peace

Matthew

[SourceShield]

Sir Alfred Hitchcock meet Harry Houdini.

---

Bro,

I'm glad that you've had a restful night's sleep.

That's important.

Keep your head held high, you have no thing to fear.

I'm going to be honest with you, Matt.

I am a tad concerned for you...

Sometimes, when people go down a more 'spiritual path', as you are, they can also get a bit lost in it all too.

And, they can begin to sound like a 'mad jesus' type of person.

It's just when you made the judgement call about "fake" people, that's when my spidey senses went off.

When we judge others as being 'fake', we are judging their story.

That's not our right.

If we were in their shoes, we would most likely understand why the are doing, what they're doing.

We all have our own private battles to contend with, and using works like 'fake people', creates a negative-feedback loop.

When we judge another's story, we open up ourselves to be judged.

We are all at different places on our journey, and all places on that journey, are right and best for us, to lead us back to Truth, and Love.

If we let it.

But, I know your heart brother.

You are full of goodness, Matt.

I know where your message came from, which is why I feel that you'll need to stay mindful, when we have such intense 'spiritual highs', we have to naturally come down as well, and thats when the beast strikes!

So we balance out.

Harmonious-balance.

Darkness&Light

Chaos&Order.

We all have all this in us, therefore all is good.

Darkness has its place.

We need the night.

Chaos has its place.

Nature is actually a rather chaotic thing but natura naturally balances itself out.

Humans have to learn that skill.

We do our best to remove all judgement of all others, even our perceived enemies...for they are just perceived and only in our head, most of the time!.

You have asked for me to guide you with this, which is why this is important.

Stay Loving but let it come from Kindness.

Loving-Kindness, judges none, including oneself.

I love you Matt.

Thank you for being you.

MuchLove my bro

Kaitoa

[1113]

Brozza McCain,

You always hit the nail on the head.

I released my OTT of judgement.

I judged and forgave atst.

This is now released. I am happy and non judgmental.

No judgement left here bro.

But your spider senses are correct.

Its time for humor and mindfulness.

Continue your teachings i am still learning.

I am putting up our Christmas tree. I put one up in the christmas thread. Please add your ornament to it. The warrior ornament is need on that tree.

Have a good day

Chat later bro.

Harry Houdini meet Hillary Clinton

Peace

Matt

[SourceShield]

Hillary Clinton meet Chelsea Clinton

---

Bro,

I think the 'laughing fit', the other day, was really good for you!.

I'm glad that I was a part of that.

Please share about that positive experience in OTT, in more depth, for others to read.

It'll uplift people.

I know that people would love to read more about your positive experiences.

I usually decorate the chrissy tree, 12 days before Christmas.

I add a little more each day.

So, when the 12 days are here...I will decorate the tree, in the xmas thread, with an ornament.

Have a great day brother.

MuchLove

KDogg

[1113]

Bro,

Chelsea Clinton meet Clint Eastwood

Yes.

I will do that. It will be writing homework.

Remembering will also be good for me. I will feel it again.

I will have to make proper sense of it too. WTB (wise teaching bro)

Later

Peace

Matt.