My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[1113]

Bro,

Thankyou.

I know I say that a lot. Gratitude is very important to me.

Im guessing you understand how I’m feeling.

But......FYI

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.....googled that. LAM

Prefixcon:

Confidence

Condition

Consistent

Confusion

Condemned

Container

consequential

conversation

Thats from memory. Not cheating.

Holly Hunter - Hugh Jackman

I fell today.........with kindness and compassion. Had a very dnm conversation with an angel. Mum. I had to rephrase how I spoke and only good feelings came out of it.

You don't know how great full I really am.

Thankyou

Matt.

[SourceShield]

Brother,

You're all good.

I mean - You Are ALL Good.

---

Great work!

Okay, I'm gonna take the first word off your list, which is a goodie!

"CONFIDENCE".

Your next writing mission is to write a 300 word micro-essay about...confidence.

Whatever it means to you.

You have until you go off to bed tonight to complete it.

Check the spelling before you post.

And make sure you double space it, just like how I write and leave a space between each line.

I do this for ease of reading, for the reader.

I know that there are some people out here that have difficulty with words and reading, but I will also copy and paste your essay, and we will go through it tomoz!.

Too easy!

---

Let's be honest here - due to the restrictions that we have, not being able to see each other etc, these classes will be restricted, but we will do our best, and make the most of what we do have!.

Also go to ---www.agendaweb.org--- on this site are free pdf worksheets for grammar etc.

This will help you out bro.

---

I am grateful to have you in my life, Matt.

So it's seriously all good.

This is just what we do for each other.

Not a problem at all.

So glad that Mum is there with you.

That's a blessing.

You are a fortunate man.

---

Jack Hughman = Hans Christian Anderson

---

WordPlay -

- MANSUETUDE -

Meaning = Mildness; Gentleness.

Pronounced = Man - Swi - Tood.

"The mansuetude of Mums love".

---

MuchLove brother!

WolfSorcery

[SourceShield]

Bro,

Just wanted to say that I have already replied to your above post.

Sorry about the PLCN - I think it's 'cause there is a website address to a grammar site, that'll help you out.

Keep ya eyes out for it...

---

Also, I wanted to tell you that, I can tell now when you're not feeling good, when you're online.

So, I just wanted to let me in on how to really spot if I'm not good - I'll start to write really, really, really sad or really, really, really angry posts.

Like really, really, really sad posts about Bundy dying...boo hoo hooo <-LAM

Or, really, really, really angry posts about life and how people suck...grrrrrr <-LAM

That's how you can spot it in me.

If you can notice when I'm being a bit 'extreme', that's when you'll know that I'm really not doing too good.

Other than that...I'm just a very passionate man, as well.

I'm passionate about everything.

Passionately passionate.

I just have to balance that out my passion with COMPASSION, so that my passion always comes from love in action, and not 'the beast'.

You are a passionate Chef, your passion for the people you work with, and the way that you are connected to earth, is your compassion, guiding you as a Chef.

That's why you're a great Chef!.

I am a very passionate learner. My passion for learning is balanced out by my connection to Spirit. Compassion is my guide back to humility, so that I don't become arrogant in my thinking, believing that I know it all...of course not, that would be no fun!.

There is still much for us all to learn and share and move forward with.

This is why I love to learn...and yet, the more I learn...the less I know.

For real!.

I couldn't stop writing then...I clearly had to write that!.

MuchLove MGoldBoy1113

KWolfSource

p.s.

I already replied to your famous person...but I cant remember who I wrote, so we'll have to wait.

SHOOP

SHAZAM

ZOIP

[SourceShield]

Bro,

I have replied.

PLCN

[1113]

All g.

I just got back. I will wait for it.

Peace

[1113]

Brother Master RESOURCE,

See what I did there? Lam

You are a hard task master. But I like a challenge. I will post it later. Your nephew (uncle warrior) is very interested in your challenge too. It sparked his attention. Hope thats all g. Its not cheating if helps me....is it? Because he loves this stuff. Im very open with him about all this stuff.

You are a bit off today. Your autistic brain seems tired or stressed or slightly uncomfortable. Correct me if im wrong.

MJ.

Open up if you need to. Its all g. The homework can wait.

I got your back ....its all g. Trust in my abilities. Like I trust yours. I will let you know if there is any up and coming probs. Ok. I feel great calmness and a happy spirit all around this forum.

I ain't going backwards any more.

Peace to you

McMattieBrozzeleNort outski.

Later.

[SourceShield]

Bro,

You're wrong <-LAY.

I'm all good.

I already told you what to look out for when I am down...youre not very good at it are you?

Your abilities are still weak.

But they will grow.

Dont try to rush things...you saw what happened to yourself last time.

Be at ease.

MuchLove

KDogg

[1113]

Bro,

At least i made you laugh.

I'll do your challenge and get back to you.

I am just a vessel my friend. I have no control. It tells me when. Hahahahaha LAM and LAY. Only for good.

PEACE

Matt.

[SourceShield]

Bro,

We have no control over what we are 'told' by the almighty energy Source, but we have absolute control over what we do with the message once we have been told.

Discernement.

Wisdom.

Clarity.

Are all gifts available to us as abilities grow stronger.

You merely picked up on the impatience of the PLCN.

But that's not a big deal, thats not major stressful, like what I'm talking about when I say to look out for when I'm low etc.

So, don't go asking me all the time if I'm okay just because of PLCN.

That's just silly and annoying.

Then I'll be stressed <-LAM

Your training must take deeper, to fine tune your skills.

All in good time.

...still waiting for your persons name...

I thought you were a quick learner? <-LAY

Peace

KBrozzle

[SourceShield]

p.s.

Oi,

But thanks for asking if I was okay.

I really appreciate it.

Sometimes it's tough for me to accept kindness too.

I accept your kindness and compassion, Matt.

I know you got my back bro.

Remember this aint my challenge, its yours.

The nephew can help out, of course...just make sure that the bulk of the work is yours.

Peace

ResourceWolf