My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[1113]

Bro,

Did you see my template...a few post back?

I worked really hard on it.

Matt.

[SourceShield]

Hey Bro!

It mustve taken awhile to upload...'cause I always check to see if youve posted.

Your template looks fudging awesome!

Seriously man.

So, are you planning to do ALL that in one day, or just like a couple from each 'category'?

I cannot fully express how much I am proud for you, Matt.

I have genuinely already seen a positive shift in you.

You seem braver.

More confident.

I like that, keep going.

Thank you for being you.

I really mean that!

I am well.

All is well.

MuchLove

Kaitoa Wolfe.

[1113]

I'm smiling at you bro,

You can't see me but i am. Truly.

Im going to try to do everything, but if i can't... i will be accountable for it.

You know something bro....I proud of you too.

Don't change bro, I love you just the way you are!

I'm logging off now.

Will chat tomorrow.

Peace out.

[SourceShield]

Night Brother!

Thank you for your praise, and encouragement.

Just know that I send it back to you...in abundance.

---

HWJT - 27/11/16

1) Creatively Program my day in the morning - 30mins

2) Hydrate - throughout the whole day.

3) Eat well - GAPS and Intermittent Fasting.

4) Study and learn - Tara Brach and Sapolsky - 90mins

5) Reach out, where and when I can - BB and in life - 60mins

6) Love Bundy - Forever!

7) Exercise - 40mins

😎 CreativelyExpress - 60mins

--

Today has been an 'eventful' day, to say the least.

One must stay focused on complete holistic health.

I am grateful that I did as much of my HWJT as I could!

I am moving forward with you brother, and it feels good.

May you have a restful night's sleep.

Be blessed this night and all nights.

Be courageous.

MuchLove&Kindness

Kaitoa

[1113]

Morning bro,

You know Im here and I hear you too. So do many others, keep up the good work you are doing, and also live more life. I believe in you. You deserve to be free.

Now you have put times on your HWJT, evertime I try to catch you....you up the stakes.

Ok ok now I see your game, but I just have to tell you this;

I am a fast learner, I like a good game. Especially when it's helping me out. Thanks bro.

My template will be adjusted accordingly. I will just delete some things and add others as I go. I cant do everything every day.

2+8+1+1+2+0+1+6=20 2+0= 2

How can it be day 2 again. Oh well. So be it.

HWJT

Body:

Exercise 20 mins cross train.

Relaxation meditation 1hr (midday really helps me through the rest of the day)

Eat well

Hydrate

Mind:

Find some happiness (reach out to help) done it already.

SNORT will I'm driving my son to school.

Word on my hobby 2hrs today. I'm close to the final spray paint.

Do this template every day. Tick

Regularly update this template when I evolve. Tick

Stay on this forum. Tick

Research more about true happiness (everyday you help me with this)

Emotions :

Study emotional intelligence- read when I have free time

Learn to let go of old thoughts- all day long

Upload new postive thoughts- all day long

Believe in myself- how I think now and all day long

Love again, tick

Go outside of my comfort zone- this is a hard one for me, but I will try my hardest today.

Parental:

Support my son even more- with every breath i take

Tell him how much I love him--5 times a day

Support his friendship with others- listen to his problems with his friends and give sound advice.

Teach him as I learn- never stop this ever

Bro,

You have a fantastic day.

Know your brother is by your side.

Know that you have and still are helping me and your neph.

I'm off to live another day

Chat later

Big chef brother matt outski.

[SourceShield]

Morning brother!

How you going?

Your HWJT looks great.

Its important for us to add times, 'cause that keeps us accountable to ourselves.

Also, for things like exercise...which I am not the biggest fan of, I can say, Okay - only 40mins!

And be okay with that, 'cause I feel that at least I am moving forward by doing some exercise.

Does that make sense?

Also, theres a lot of new research that shows that all these people that tell us that we have to work out for hours and hours etc, are wrong on that thought!

HIIT - has proven that you can be just as effective in a 1minute burst HIIT!.

Its all about raising the heart rate.

Then resting the heart.

Then a burst again -

I will explain this okay?

Run on the spot as fast as you can for 20seconds <- Yep, just 20secs but you have to run as fast as you can.

Gets the heart rate up.

Then rest for about 90secs.

Then repeat this process three times, so that you have had a burst of HIIT for a total of 60secs (HIIT = High Intensity Interval Training)

Do this just 3 times a week, for 4 weeks, and youll notice a huge difference.

Okay - so we wont be body builders, just doing that, but we will be healthier, with less stress...and thats what matters.

When you get time, look up on Youtube -> Michael Mosley and HIIT Documentary.

Theres some great stuff there!

All his documentaries are very helpful.

I know you have heaps to do...but this may give you a break from all the other stuff.

HIIT is more body health focused, as opposed to all the other mind and soul searching stuff!.

---

Ive had good start to the day.

Have taken the mutt for a walk.

Will do me XP soon.

---

Thanks for being such a supportive brother!

MuchLove

Kaitoa Wolfe

[1113]

Bro,

Today is all g.

I will report back later re: HWJT

Nice one.

That's what bros do! Support!

Cheffy outski.

[1113]

Hey Brozzel,

Today was a good day.

I ran out of time.

Will chat tomz

Hwjt i did 85%

I hope yours was a good one

Peace

Matt.

[SourceShield]

Evening my bro!

Today has been rather dull.

But thats all good.

I may not be moving to Melbourne, when I wanted to, and thats kinda dumb.

Thats all on me though, the only person responsible to get this sorted, is me.

I continue to do my best.

I went for two walks with bundy, plus lifted some weights. So, the XP is done for the day.

I am liking where the OTT thread is going - that will be where I will be doing most of my 'reaching out' from.

Plus yours and my daily chats on this thread.

I ate well, and am well hydrated.

Though, I did just eat a whole bag of black licorice.

I have this thing with particular foods.

Is your boy like that with foods?

Obsessive?.

I can be like that with licorice.

I eat the good stuff.

But aside from eating the whole bag, in one sitting, I ate well today.

----

Im listening to Beethoven at the moment.

Good stuff.

Peaceful.

---

HWJT - 29/11/2016

Im going to be following a holistic-health plan model called, The Meta-Bio-Psycho-Social Model (MBPS).

Meta - For me, this is about Spiritfulness. Its my 'spiritual side'.

Connect with Spirit - Im going to chant in the morning for 15mins, then SNORT 15mins, then pray and meditate for 30mins daily.

Assist others - Reach out on BB for 60mins, and wherever I can in my day to day life - 60mins daily minimum.

Realize - This is about consciously uploading NPT, and doing the creative visualisation work to get it uploaded - 30mins daily.

Express - I must express my feelings everyday and I am learning more and more, about how to do that in many different and healthy ways i.e Appreciate music. Write songs lyrics, raps and rhymes, and poetry. Sing. Dance - 60mins min daily.

Bio - Is the Body.

I do the basics.

Breathe - All day!

Hydrate - 2LTS min

Sustain - GAPS food plan and Intermittent fasting

Rest - 6hrs min sleep daily. 2hrs relaxation daily

Move - 'Xercise Plan (XP) inc/ strength building, agility, stamina and sustainment exercises.

Psycho - Is all about The Mind, and where my dominant thoughts go...

Financial Freedom - Focusing on putting my company together- 8hrs daily.

Awareness&Understandings - RAIN - 60mins daily.

Creativity - Imagine and Implement - 60mins daily.

Time&Space Management - Planning tomorrows HWJT - 60mins daily.

Sexual Health - Practice Safe Activity and Monitor Libido Daily.

Social - Is all about emotions and relationships!

Running love on characters!.

Will cover more tomoz!.

Night bro.

Keep moving forward!!.

MuchLove&Joy.

[1113]

Morning bro and readers,

I am going to my dr today. Its not a good day usually because it brings up a lot of stuff. My nice little simmer usually starts to boil.

But today I think I will be just fine.

Thanks to a very kind and supportive community here on BB.

Im sure its worth the time and effort.

My HWJT

Same as yesterday + 1hr for the dr ( dr dre)

New song: hanz Zimmer now we are free...off Gladiator

Peace out

Cheffy outski you beautiful people.