My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[SourceShield]

I hear ya bro!

BTW - just because I have a criminal record, that doesnt mean that I am a 'bad' person either!. <-SNORT

I'm not a stupid person, I've just done a few very stupid things in the past.

But, I know what you mean!

You are a good man.

As am I.

---

Okay - so can you see where you wrote, 'my' limiting belief, in your post above?

This is what you and I need to stop doing.

They arent 'our' limiting beliefs.

Well, I surrender 'ownership' of mine, anyway.

Just like we now write of, the beast, instead of The Big D!. <-SNORT

We must now fully release ownership of the limiting beliefs.

Old-Thought-Thoughts <- OTT, is what I shall now refer to the limiting-beliefs of the past as!.

I am ready to release the OTT from my life, one limiting-belief at a time.

I'm working on it too.

---

Also, I'm going to post my HWJT the night before.

I like programming my day in that way.

So, I have something to look forward to tomorrow!.

---HWJT 27/11/2016---

I like to get up at around 8am.

I work for myself and I have designed my life in such a way that I don't work crazy early mornings anymore!

I like to pray when I wake up, I will SNORT as I pray.

I also drink around 1LT of water in the morning, this kick starts the metabolism.

Makes going to the toilet more efficient.

I am regular in that way.

I then usually do some creative-visualisation for about 20mins.

At the moment, I am visualising greater 'health&wellness'.

Then I will take Bundy out to do his business.

Tomorrow I will take Bundy for a walk in the morning, as well.

I like to walk for about 40mins.

Return home, and workout for 60mins - XP (dance, dumbbells, yoga and HIIT)

I will then have a quick look on BB - 40mins.

Eat something delicious - 60mins.

I do intermittent fasting...this is perfect for me!

On the GAPS diet (Guts and Psychology Syndrome) - Awesome.

Feeling good.

No sucrose-sugar at all!

I have some emails to reply to - 30mins.

Appreciate music - I cant live through one day without listening to music - 60mins, at least!

Practise Singing - I gotta get back on the horse eventually - 60mins.

Write a poem - 60mins.

Reach out on BB, where and when I can - 60mins.

Love Bundy even more than I do today! - Infinity!.

Tara Brach Podcast - 60mins.

Not Spend Any Money! - I like to have at least one day a week that I spend no money. Just stay home and eat whats in the fridge.

Be there for my bro Matt!.

Youre the best bro!

I believe in you!.

[1113]

Morning bro,

Firstly

Love ya.

Secondly

What a awesome HWJT.

Today I am not doing my HWJT.

HWJT

Take the time to create a HWJT template. That is achievable for me.

End.

Oh I juat did it anyway. Hahahaha

Have a great morning, warrior

Stay safe

Matt.

[SourceShield]

MuchLove BrotherGiftFromGod!

StayExemplary.

Chat soon...

[SourceShield]

Hey bro!

I just put up a post about OTT as well, and a few ways that I have learnt and am learning to let the OTT go!

Check it out, if ya wanna, and feel free to share what youve learnt, and learning as well.

Youre the best, brother!

PeaceMcBrozzle

[1113]

My 213th post was reaching out to someone.......shred1106.

The number thing attracted me to her. 1106. I sense the gender.

Love the number 13 for some reason oh I love all numbers, but hate math. Hahahahaha

Part of the healing process.

Im going to start my template now.

Will post it here later

Oh I went to the mall today, thats freaking huge for me. I tell you now because there was no anxiety or agrophobia.

Things are al g o o d

Brozzel out

[SourceShield]

Awesome brother!.

Glad for you.

Peace

[1113]

Bro,

I just read through this whole thread to make my hwjt template. I should do that again in a couple of weeks.

Here is my template.

HWJT temp:

Body:
Exercise 20 mins a day, either run or cross train.
Relaxation meditation
Eat well
Hydrate
Regularly visit my Dr.

Mind:
Find some happiness
SNORT
Word on my hobby
Reach out to help someone
Do this template every day
Regularly update this template when I evolve.
Research more about true happiness

Emotions:
Study emotional intelligence
Learn to let go of old thoughts
Upload new postive thoughts
Believe in myself
Love again
Go outside of my comfort zone
Take it easy on myself.

Parental:
Support my son even more
Tell him how much I love him
Support his friendship with others

Teach him as I learn.

End template.

I have saved this template in my notes and will study it until i can do it with my eyes closed.

Thankyou bro

Matt.

[SourceShield]

Hey Bro,

I actually feel like I have turned a corner.

Let something go.

I was just accused of something, that just isnt true.

This used to happen a lot when I was a kid.

I would always get the blame for things that I didnt do.

But, instead of flipping out...I have remained calm, and simply expressed my side of the story.

Agreed to disagree, and leave it at that.

Like the other day when I was accused of kicking you down!.

That just would never happen.

Oddly enough this was a female, and I have always had that issue with females.

Its a Mum thing!.

But, I am calm.

I am not stressed about this, Im getting better at that.

We are allowed to agree to disagree.

And, I can leave it at that.

As you wrote the other day, life can be cruel to be kind.

I believe that there is no such thing as 'cruel' - thats a judgement call.

We just dont see the whole picture, and we judge the present as cruel or even awesome...but really its all just life.

Ups and downs.

Chaos and Order.

This is all part of life, and its all good.

I'm not gonna be on BB very much anymore.

Its time for me to get out more too, just like you!.

But, I will check in with you everyday, and post a few things too...but life is for the living bro!.

I feel like Ive just grown up, in a moment.

Do you get that?

MuchLove, Matt!

Kaitoa

[1113]

Bro,

You had a radical acceptance moment.

Congrats.

Go and live life...as you see fit. You deserve it.

I'm here for you, anytime.

Peace

Matt.

[SourceShield]

Bro,

Youre a genius.

I have a plan...will reveal more soon...

Radical Acceptance - Thats Tara Brach!.

YES.