Just want to Shout out

[Guest_1055]

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

[Croix]

Dear Shell~

Absolutely spot-on, and if he did not have a watch or an appointment he couldn't be late anyway -make sense? -Well maybe.

The Walrus appears in Book 2, Through the Looking-Glass, where he is on a beach with a carpenter eating lunch.

The Beatles composed a song called I am the Walrus which was inspired by this illustration, it to is very obscure but contains a walrus -as you'd expect, plus a policeman and the Eiffel Tower, all of which have meaning for me - pretty neat.

Croix

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

Hope you are all doing okay. My brain is a little scrambled. I had an appointment with a psychiatrist today. I was notified about the appointment at 4.30 p.m. yesterday for an eleven a.m. slot today.

I called into the library first and picked out some craft books. The session with the psych was heavy from my perspective. He was a lovely man who tried to help me all he could. He gave me web sites to check out as well and ensured I had people to care for me and numbers to call if I needed them.

He kindly handed me his tissue box as well.

I called my husband to let him know I was not returning home straight away as I had planned. I went to the supermarket, bought a delicious pre made fruit salad, a drink, some "healthy" dark chocolate (Ha. Ha) and headed for a park where I had my lunch and then looked in some of the books I had borrowed.

Returning home later I felt a little more settled.

Recently I was given the tip to have an organised time to write down issues, worries, problems and so on and consider ways of reducing the impact of such concerns. I will be doing that later tonight.

Tomorrow I will work on strategies for coping with the in laws and making the most of our visit with them. My mother in law is a great cook, she makes very healthy meals as well. So that is a bonus.

If my sister in law says some things I don't particular like, I guess I have options: 1) yell and scream at her 2) Go to the bathroom so I don't have to listen 3) Calmly state my side of things 4) Just let her words go in one ear and out the other.

Anyway, hope you are all okay.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Guest_9809]

Dear Shell,

I was very saddened to read that over the past 5 days or so you have been feeling really down again. I have been away visiting family over the past 5 days so I do apologise for not having being around for some time. However, I got home this evening and am just catching up on what all my most favourite people have been up to during my absence.

After reading all the lovely responses that you have already received, I dont think I can really add much more. So I will just send you my kind and healing thoughts and a big heartfelt hug for now. I will check in on you again tomorrow after work.

Taurus xx

[Guest_322]

Hi Shelley,

Thank you for the hug- I appreciate it and will gratefully accept. Don't worry, I'm not offended. I actually feel like you're probably one of the least likely to accidentally offend on the forum.

Yeah, I have heard of the 5 love languages. A friend told me about it roughly a year ago. In your case, it must be hard when the 2 of you like to express (& receive) love differently. I don't really know your story but I'm guessing (?) that he or she expresses his/her feelings in his/her own way. But regardless of their intentions and even if they show love in their own way, it's not quite what you need.

My hole is a combination of things...the below quote sums it up neatly.

She was my mother*, but I was motherless. I was trapped by her, but utterly alone. She would always be the empty bowl that no one could fill. I'd have to fill it myself again and again and again.

- Cheryl Strayed.

* in my case, it's not strictly my mum.

Anyway, I think that's all that I want to say about the hole right now. Sorry, I don't really want to go into details.

Thanks again for the hug and your heartfelt post meant a lot. I've seen you around the forum and your empathy shines through in your posts.

Take care.

Dottie x

[Guest_1055]

Dear Taurus,

Thank you for the heartfelt hug, that is kind of you. And no apology needed. I hope you had a special time away with all your family.

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

You are welcome in regards to the hug.

Shell xx

[Wilma1]

Morning Shelley, I've been reading through the last few days and had a thought. I was advised a few months back to write down the things I'd like to say to a person who was making my life hell. I did. It really helped. I don't like confrontation and by the sound of it, neither do you. It was a way to avoid it. Just a thought. I was amazed at what came out!!!!

You have the best day you can. I'll be thinking of you sending kind thoughts. Wishful

[Guest_1055]

Hi dear Hopeful,

You are right I don't like confrontations either or conflict of any kind. It sometimes can trigger feelings of fear, wanting to run away and hide sort of emotions. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about writing things down that I would want to say to this person. I will think about that, maybe it is a way to realising stuff.... And I am glad it helped you....

In Kindness to you

Shell xx

[Starwolf]

Hi Shelle-Belle,

Would you feel comfortable with writing those people a letter and actually handing it over to them ?

You could take your time over it to choose your words carefully (so it wouldn't sound like an accusation), edit as often as necessary and only give it when you are satisfied with it. They could take time to read, re read as often as necessary, perhaps reply in writing if you ask them to. This way, no confrontation and you would also hone your communication skills.

Getting rid of the drafts you're not happy with would help too. Burn them, turn them into confettis, whatever makes you feel good.

Writing a first version, letting it rip without editing, then destroying it and starting again would be the best way to go. This way, you would first express your feelings unchecked...but put them across in a milder version.

Kindest thoughts.

[Guest_1055]

Afternoon Star,

Thanks heaps for your suggestion, and yes I would be comfortable in actually writing a letter, but to give it to the person, I will have a think about that as to whether they would be okay to receive one from me. But I could just write one anyway and watch out for the best time to actually give it to them. ie when they are in a super good mood.

Hugs

Shelle- belle