Just want to Shout out

[Guest_1055]

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

[Doolhof]

Hi Shelley,

Regarding needing to find a sense of forgiveness towards someone, I totally get that! I struggle with that myself with a particular person... my husband's sister. She has said really nasty things to me over the decades I have been with my husband.

She tells me I am not part of the family and have no right to say anything. She has recently split from her husband and gave me a fair warning that if I ever decide to leave my husband, I can expect to walk away with nothing. She is demanding 75 per cent of everything they had together. She is a nasty piece of work at times.

We are visiting the family this weekend. She may be there. This morning my thoughts turned to the words she has said in the past and I was concerned what she might say if there on Saturday.

I stopped what I was doing! I listened to myself. I was wasting my morning regurgitating over the nasty things she has said and was ruining MY morning! What a waste. I tossed those thoughts out the window so to speak. I don't need them.

I really hope you can find a sense of peace towards the person you are thinking of. When I see this lady, I am going to give her a hug, ask her how she is and if she has negativity towards me I will try to ignore it.

Yes, the yuck yuck yuck has slipped in again! Ha. Ha.

Hope you have an okay kind of day Shelley!

Hugs to you, from Mrs. Dools

[Starwolf]

Shelle Belle, you are important, unique. There is and never can be anyone quite like you. How could anyone see you crying and just walk past ???

You know, Shelle...there is a way that could ease resentment. Only if you feel up to it of course. Have you thought of having a chat with whoever hurt your feelings ? Not accusing them of anything, just calmly letting them know how what they said, did or didn't do made you feel. Keeping the focus on how you feel about it -without saying they shouldn't have said/done it or that it was bad- helps avoid a defensive outburst from them.

Just a thought, depending on who this person is. Only you can know if a gentle talk (and reminder that YOUR feelings are important) will be possible. If you try and it doesn't work out, you will have done your best and gave it a go. It is often best if we can put whatever hurts us out there instead of hurting inside in silence. Learning to speak for ourselves doesn't come easy but it is an important part of healing.

And as Mrs Dools pointed out, if those people are not ready to hear you, they don't deserve you wasting thoughts on them.

It is good to know you are feeling a little bit better. Your visits on Wishful's thread (or anyone else's) are always a much welcome breath of fresh air.

Take care, precious lady.

[Guest_1055]

Dear Dottie, Star, Elizabeth, Croix, Hopeful and Mrs D,

I am struggling quite a bit, and I don't seem to be able to comprehend all your words, nor be able to think of how to reply, but I just wanted to give you all a big thankyou because I care about you all.

Just want to be myself now, so I will answer when I can.

Shelley xx

[Guest_1055]

Hi dear Star, Hope you are coping with any heat up there alright?

And yes I have thought about talking with this particular person, and I have done this at times before. But I think I express it in such a way as ...like you say they "get defensive". This in turns hurts me, because I don't feel listened to, valued, or understood. I believe they think I am criticising or like you say again "accusing them" in a bad way. But I don't believe I am. I just want to be understood is all.

I am aware I have a lot to learn about speaking verbally to someone. But I keep stuffing up in that, in regards to this person.

Yeah and if I could eventually say it in such a way, that they don't react defensely and I feel understood that properly would help with the feeling of resentment. I will keep practicing. I am still aware there is a bitterness in me towards them. And I don't want it there. I hate that feeling.

Anyway thanks heaps Star, I really appreciate you!

Shelle- belle xx

[Guest_1055]

Hug to you too Mrs D,

I am sorry about any hurt you have felt from the nasty words spoken by your sister in law. Suppose one could just simply toss the words out the window especially if they are not truthful or something. That actually sounds pretty good, why dwell on untruths? A challenge though maybe when one is feeling down, well for me it may be, as I find myself swapped or bogged down in emotions, and it can be a hard to think what to do. But yes it is a good strategy. Thanks for the little story there too.

I do hope your hubby's sister is kind to you on the weekend. It appears you are just going to be kind to her anyway, no matter how unkind she is. That's nice.

Thanks for the hug too.

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

Thanks for your reply too Elizabeth, I appreciate it.

I read back over the last post that I wrote to you, to see how I felt. I cannot remember how I felt when I wrote it. But now it appears that I have a lot of good stuff happening or did happen in my life? It is not all bad is it? I have a lot to be thankful for... So I guess the feeling would be thankful, ( I am not even sure if that is a feeling) and maybe I do feel a bit better just reading what I actually wrote.

Trying to do things that help one feel somewhat better, can be a challenge, well it is for me, because the emotions I feel sort of take over any rational thoughts or something. It is hard to think clearly. My emotions have calmed down some. I will try to remember. Now I am thinking there was a similar discussion on one of your threads about this......different circumstances though. Might take my suggestion I gave to you about writing a list on a small card to look at when I am bogged down in emotions or slipping into the dark pit. I have never tried it, it only came to my mind when I was replying to you that time..

Anyway thanks so much Elizabeth.

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

Aww thanks for the bonus hug Dottie, here is another to you if you would like one.

I hope you don't mind me saying this to you, as you may not have come to this thread looking for suggestions for yourself....But I do feel a little sad that you have this hole in your heart. (I truly hope I don't offend you or anything, I just care is all. I hate the thought of you just feeling like "empty")

Anyway have you ever heard of the "5 love languages"? If not it is basically 5 different ways people receive and give love. The type of love could be any type, like friendship love, parental, siblings, spouses etc. You could just Google it, if you are interested to know more. They even have a free quiz one can do to find out what there love language is. I will just leave it with you.

Even as I am writing this to you now, I am thinking about this person who I have recently been emotionally hurt by. Well there love language is not the same as mine and sometimes I expect them to love me in a way that I naturally crave. And when they don't or won't it hurts. I am just confusing myself now, so I best end this post.

Thank you so much dear Dottie

xx

[Guest_1055]

Thanks for telling me where and a bit why you chose the walrus illustration Croix. It is quite an old book that one... Alice in Wonderland. To be honest I have never read the story, but I have watched an earlier produced movie based on it. Anyway I never understood it. Totally baffled by it???

Shell

[Croix]

Dear Shell,

As far as I remember the book was written as entertainment by the author for 3 little girls, daughters of a friend. He originally told them a story whilst rowing them along the river at Oxford.

He then embellished it during another rowing trip and eventually published it, swapping his own illustrations for professionally drawn ones done by John Tenniel.

The book is basically nonsense, with strings of pleasing scenes, some with a meaning, some probably without. It employs a sort of twisted logic, i.e. if a rabbit had a watch then there is possibility he could be late for something - why else have a watch. This type of thinking is supposed to be the reason adults like it as much as children.

The illustrations are fun. I'm not sure any of the movies do it justice.

I like your reference to the 5 love languages.

Croix

.

[Guest_1055]

Oh please tell me if I have this right Mr Croix? If the rabbit didn't have a watch then he wouldn't realise he was actually running late.

Shell xxx

Oh thanks for helping me to get my thoughts onto something else. That might not have been you intention. I wouldn't know about that... But thanks all the same