Just want to Shout out

[Guest_1055]

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

[Guest_1055]

Hello Croix,

Your reply led me to look more closely at my chosen picture here. I suppose it could appear the way you described. I am unsure of what the artist was intending to portray. I am not even aware who the artist is.

Shall I tell you why I chose it?

My explanation to you will most likely take my eyes off how I am feeling for a bit too, so thank you for that.

Well I chose it because I love long dresses, especially ones like the bigger girl is wearing. I love the ruffles on the hem of the dress and also her bonnet. It just speaks modesty, most likely home made, quite simple looking yet pretty as well. The apron she wears says to me, she is possibly a hard worker, industrious.

Now I use to see her as giving the littler girl a ride in a wheelbarrow. But now that I have looked more closely, I think it is a basket there.

They all seem so happy and care free and enjoying each other's company.

I also like the surrounding country side, as it looks beautiful and uncomplicated. There also seems to be a bit of a breeze as the bigger girls bonnet and apron is blowing and I absolutely love gentle breezes. It appears somewhat sunny too. This speaks healthy to me.

And yes I do see myself as the older girl.

Thanks Croix

PS... I have also looked at the walrus there or whatever that is in a suit or something. Perhaps you are a well dressed person and highly educated?? Hum, I am not too sure anyway.

[Guest_1055]

Thanks heaps for your kindness Star and Elizabeth. I will write more to you both when I am able to.

xx

[Croix]

Dear Shelley Anne~

What a delightful picture you paint, I'm seeing it now with different eyes. Every detail rings true, just as you describe. Thank you.

My own is the 1865 illustration of the Walrus from Alice In Wonderland, a creature with which I fancy I have certain attributes in common.

I find distraction to be a blessing

Croix

[Doolhof]

Dear Shelley and All,

There have been many wonderful posts of support and care here for you Shelley. It warms my heart to know that people care so much for each other. I too hope the darkness lifts for you dear Shelley.

Our journey through mental health can be such a rollercoaster ride at times.

Have any of you been on a roller coaster ride? My husband loves them, me, not so much at all. For a start they don't do my back or my stomach any good at all. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Ha. Ha.

On a holiday we visited a park with various rides. I was more than happy for my husband to go on all the rides he wanted, using my tickets. I was more than happy to hold the bags and listen to everyone else screaming, laughing and having fun. That is not my kind of fun at all.

Shelley, take a few deep breathes, let the tears flow and know there is still hope, it is just hiding for a moment and will peep itself out again soon!

Cheers to all who are struggling right now, from Mrs. Dools

[Guest_1055]

Hi dear Star, thanks for noticing me and my tears on your walk, that itself helps me to feel important or worthy of being noticed. Anyway that is very kind of you. I always like hugs too, so thanks for your one.

I was going to ask how you are, but I can generally find out what is happening with you on Hopeful ( wishful) thread.

Shelle- belle xx

PS... I am now starting to believe a bit that everything will be okay

[Guest_1055]

Thanks Elizabeth, I think that is it, I was feeling so much better, incredible different in a pleasant way. And I was experiencing a happiness like never before in my life. Perhaps it was the emotion of joy, but I cannot be sure of that. I was even feeling my mouth smile, which was a bit unusual. Anyway I did appreciate this little space in time that I experienced all this. It showed me what life can be like, and it is possible.

Yes I did some things that helped me feel somewhat better, including going to visit my sister, who knows me pretty well. It helped quite a bit to chat with her. The last time I saw her was about a week before Christmas. I also drove on out to the beach before sunrise,and watched the sun rising and trying to shine through some clouds.

I am truly thankful that you felt encouraged by me. Almost happy tears.

And I won't give up, but I do feel those feelings a bit.

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

Hello Mrs D

Yes I believe the darkness is clearing a bit. But I can still feel a sadness in myself. I often have tears, even happy ones sometimes. There is something I need to do, and that is to forgive this particular person who seems to hurt me with words, lack of words, and tone of voice. I can feel a resentment feeling in me towards them. And I know from previous experience that this resentment in me can somehow make a bigger, darker and lonely pit.

[Guest_1055]

Continued... and Mrs D, I don't know why I told you that, it popped into my mind as I was replying to you. I have cried a lot over the last couple of days.

And I don't like roller coasters either, same as you. Merry go rounds are far less scary.

Thanks for you kindness Mrs D.

Shell xx

PS...yeah I noticed you said the" yuck.....yuck...yuck" again

[Guest_322]

Any time, Shell.

Here's a bonus virtual hug from me- figured it wouldn't hurt.

Thank you, I appreciate your lovely message- I think you're a very empathetic person. The hole is still there but maybe one day, it will start to fill.

You hang in there now.

Dottie xxx

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks for your reply. How did you feel as you wrote the post as you recalled the positive things that had happened recently. I hope it helped you feel good. Remember anything that helped you so you can keep trying similar things when you need a boost. Unfortunately we have things we are over-sensitive to & trigger negative feelings/thoughts. We can't avoid that happening. I certainly can't. I have been advised to acknowledge the negative thought or feeling and accept that it is normal for you in that situation. Then remind yourself that dwelling on the thought won't help & move on to doing something else. The accepting the thought as being normal in the circumstances is important as it stops the negative cycle of feeling stupid & out of control & beating yourself up for feeling that way. This is something I'm still working on but it does help.

Look after yourself