It's over. Feel like giving up.

Guest_223 · ‎11-03-2017

Hi, in the short time I've been on this forum, This is the last time I will be posting on here, I'm at the point where I feel like reaching out does nothing for me. I've done nothing but reach out over the last 18 months which is the most I've ever done in my life. To be honest rather than be helpful to me it has created more traumatising events in my life and I feel I need to avoid society. I'm never contacting a helpline again, not talking to the local mental health team, I'm going to full on avoid society, keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself, no matter what they are or how serious they are, and even when I don't feel safe like at the moment I won't be making the mistake of telling anyone of any plans or terrible thoughts.

Guest_223 · ‎07-05-2017

I'm clinging to everything by what feels like a thread. I feel very fragile right now, I narrowing escaped another hospital admission yesterday. It's getting to the point where even the local mental health team seem to be having trouble making decisions about whether they should just let me leave the emergency department or admit to hospital. I begged to not be admitted. A lucky situation where my husband found me after I left the ED otherwise I may not be here. and to keep as safe as I can I have to break the law. Sounds like a strange thing to be saying but that's exactly what I have to do.

Starwolf · ‎07-05-2017

Well Missmara, at least you are aware of the issues caused by bottling up. You are right, if pressure doesn't find an outlet, it will either lead to explosion or implosion. An inescapable law of physics...The only choice here is how best we can avoid both.

Putting up the OK front is something I can relate to. I did it many years. Unfortunately, whatever walls we build around us to shut people out also end up locking us in...a self-imposed prison that can be very difficult to break out of.

And yes, there are times when everything seems to pile up against us. Mental/emotional conditions ill-equip us to deal with the overload. I have found the only way I could cope with overwhelming, complex situations was to break up a big problem into small pieces and deal with those one at a time. Difficult of course when some of them link together (as they often do). Wouldn't choosing to see your case manager as needed be a better option than being forced back into the system ? If it is going to help you with the court case, wouldn't it be a good idea to get that out the way so that you can move on to the next hurdle ?

Would writing down the pros and cons help ? Perhaps you could then give further thought to ways of minimizing the cons ?

Of course, I can only see your situation from the outside and offer suggestions coming from personal experience. Those are questions only you can answer for yourself.

All I can do is wish that you will gradually find a way out of your predicament.

Fiasco · ‎07-05-2017

Hello. I'm very new and just been skimming over this thread. This one resonates with me- but I would say the same about the private system. I am completely traumatised by what has happened to me in it during the last year. Perhaps it's not the systems that are failing us, but the individuals within them? I haven't got any advice I'm sorry. But reading your words makes me realise that there's someone else out there who feels how I feel, and that's somehow comforting. Good luck with your fight. I wish you all the best.

Doolhof · ‎08-05-2017

Hi Missmara,

I wish I had some answers for you and suggestions on how to make things better.

We don't fully know your situation. Like Croix said, talking to someone face to face about how you are feeling is best. I know that is not always possible.

Medical people do the best they can. Sounds like you really need help right now. Please accept it.

Mrs. D.

Guest_223 · ‎08-05-2017

At the time of writing this I do not feel like I'm in my own body right now. I feel like a different person one who's confused and really wishing one of these medical people would understand for a second. I'm missing most of the past few days, I cannot remember everything. It's been blocked out. This is the one thing that's going to end me. Whoever me is. I don't even know right now. My mind is trying to block everything out, all of the bad things that have happened and I'm left feeling very much alone, out of control and I could do anything at any minute.

Guest_223 · ‎08-05-2017

I am lost, I just don't know what I'm meant to do anymore. I feel like I just don't know what I'm meant to try next. I can't see much of a future. It feels like nothing will get better.

Sophie_M · ‎09-05-2017

Hi missmara88, it sounds like things are very tough for you right now. Our community is doing the best we can to support you, but please remember there is a limit to the support that can be provided by an internet forum. We aren't there in the room with you, and when you make statements that suggest you may be unsafe - "I'm left feeling very much alone, out of control and I could do anything at any minute" - it is very worrying for all of us.

If you are feeling suicidal, it's really important that you get immediate help rather than posting here. Call our support service on 1300 22 4636, we have professional counsellors there to take your call around the clock. If you feel you are in immediate danger, then please call emergency services on 000.

We will still be here to support you once the immediate crisis has passed, to share strategies about what worked to get you through and what can be improved for next time.

Doolhof · ‎09-05-2017

HI Missmara,

I'm wondering if you have been writing stuff down and it that helps you.

A psychologist I am seeing at present has me writing down the SITUATION I am in, and then my THOUGHTS and FEELINGS around that, to write down ACTIVITIES I could do to help me feel better and then to re access my THOUGHTS and FEELINGS.

Doing this has helped me to realise how powerful thoughts and feeling are both positively and negatively.

For example my husband has just gone on a European holiday without, this morning I had a cry about that, I don't want to feel miserable about that any more so I am going to make plans for the time he is away, and will write down when I am feeling lousy, then work out what I can do to feel better again.

My psychologist has also recommended a strategy called "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy". I have only just started with this. It looks like you accept how you are feeling and find ways to commit to a different way of reacting.

I am going to learn more about this, my mind has a pattern of how it reacts to stuff I don't like, so learning to change will be excellent.

Today I am going to have my lunch outside in the sun. I might draw some pictures, do some craft, a little gardening, play some music in the garden and watch the clouds. My options are endless...so are yours.

Try and do something different and pleasurable and see how that makes you feel.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

Guest_223 · ‎12-05-2017

A private psychiatrist who says if I don't keep seeing the community mental health team that he won't see me any longer. There's no community order saying I have to see someone from there, in fact they would be willing to discharge me from the service because that's what I really want. I feel really lost wiht this situation,

Guest_223 · ‎14-05-2017

Looks like this thread is exhausted just like me, thank you for all your support and posts.