Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey mmMekitty,

I hear you about pride, I grew up with Mum telling me pride was a sin. It sure can be taken too far, but I think that sense of satisfaction of accomplishments and recognition of our own hand in them is healthy and positive. I choose to allow myself some pride, I reject that conditioning.

It's definitely good that you're able to appreciate those things you are doing to care for yourself and your well-being. I'm glad you can do that. Mind you, it's entirely normal to struggle with that mindfulness on special occasions. Please be kind to yourself about that, no-one is a perfect disciplinarian. If your intentions go awry on a given day, the work you have done is not erased and you can resume it again - all is far from lost.

I know what you mean about feeling like a "party pooper". I find not just on special occasions but any time of getting together with someone outside the household, there is this ridiculous amount of pressure to eat and drink unhealthy stuff. Doesn't seem to matter how many times you say no, stuff gets pushed at you. I find this really frustrating and disrespectful, and that gets me thinking it's not me being the party pooper. I can eat and drink what I consider appropriate without adversely affecting anyone else, but having stuff pushed at me that I've repeatedly said no to adversely affects me - I have to fight unreasonably hard to maintain my resolve. Seems that may be what you're struggling with, too. It may be worth reminding ourselves that our eating habits have nothing to do with how fun we are at a party - that's about our behaviour toward others. We can be good company and look after our bodies at the same time. That said, please don't be hard on yourself for eating a few "naughty" things over the holidays, the pressure is enormous (and some of that food is pretty tempting). Like you said, you made improvements, and that really counts. That is sustainable change, getting there one step at a time. If you aimed for perfect straight away it would likely be too much - it's what usually causes people to give up altogether.

I completely agree that working on having the best mental and physical health we can is pivotal in managing future challenges. We are working hard, we are making progress. That counts.

Hope your New Year went well. Hugzies,

Blue.

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty,

I was having a flick around the site and noticed you had responded to a post I sent but I didn't receive any notification, so sorry I almost missed it. I really am struggling with this format!

Regarding knitting and crocheting, yes it is calming and relaxing. I make plenty of mistakes when I knit! One lady I know unpicks her stuff until it is all perfectly correct. I understand that with some projects, other times I don't think it should matter so much.

I have spoken to the BB support people and those of Life Line many times, they have helped me reconnect with sanity! I will see if I can find information here on assertiveness, good suggestion.

One day it was over 40 degrees here, the air conditioning packed up because it was too hot! We sat in the car with the air conditioning on for a while. My husband became ill with heatstroke.

Thanks for the remark about my posts. I've also received many comforting, supportive, caring and helpful replies myself here.

Our New Year's Eve was quiet. Hope you are doing okay, regards to all from Dools

[mmMekitty]

Hi Dools.

I'd like to knit &/or crochet if only to make things I want, like I'd like to make a big baggy vibrant purple jumper, using very loose, open stiches, to it is both warm & breathes. I had one for many years, which was second hand when I bought it, but after twenty odd years of hving it myself, it was beginning to look rather shabby. I dindn't know how to fix the pulled-out loops of wool, nor to make the cuffes & bottom of the jumper stretchy again, so it didn't hang like a sack. 

Every jumper I have come across since is too dark, too close knit or to over-all small. 

I'd love to make my own clothes, too, from scratch. I sometimes have ideas for clothing, only I don't know what to do with my ideas anymore.

I'd just like to be able to make things for people, giving them to charity groups, or to people I know. Doing something like that would feel better to me than giving money.

It's reassuring to hear from people who have been helped when calling people such as BB's Counsellors or LIfeline's supprt services. 

We have a big rainstorm, with lightning & thunder, around tonight, widespread, it seems, because it's been raining heavily for more than 40 minutes, maybe longer (I lose track of time), & I'm thinking, enough now, rain, we want no more flooding! But it is still bucketing down.

It hasn't cooled the air much, though, I know it could be worse. ... my pocket bread could be getting soggy...(see BB Cafe)

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty,

Do you still have that old purple jumper? If so, is it possible to unwind it and create a new garment from it or something else? 

Recently I saw a post on Facebook where people were donating crocheted blankets to elephants in Thailand! It would be a large blanket to go over and elephant. My mind was also thinking of the cost of postage to send it there! Knitting jackets for penguins would be a lot easier! 

I used to do more sewing, maybe I need to get my machine out again and try something simple to start with to regain my confidence. What sort of garments would you like to make yourself?

Is there a charity group near you or one you could research that may appreciate hand made items? I know of some ladies who make little quilts they send to women's and children's hospitals for stillborn babies. The parent has a choice to keep the quilt or have their precious baby wrapped in it for burial. 

Generally speaking I find the support people on BB and Life Line to be extremely helpful. I do realise there are times when I have such a dreadful mental health issue, that  I am not receptive to what the person is trying to share with me. 

The rain has dried up in our region and we are back to having soil the consistency of concrete! The weeds are well and truly stuck in the soil!

Wishing you and all reading a good day, regards form Dools

[mmMekitty]

Hi Dools

I would make all my clothes, cushions & bedding, curtains, everything! I'd have an initial pattern, then make changes & variations from these.

I have no confidence in doing a good job of sewing, knitting or crocheting, which would benefit so enormously from good eyesight.

A year ago, after my surgery, I was given a couple 'c' chaped cushions & a bag which were made by volunteers. Country Womens's Association made the cushions & I think people there also made the bags. The cushions were for comfort under my arms & around my chest. The bag was to carry the drainage gear around. It was such a lovely, warm gesture from someone I would not likely ever meet.

When I volunteered at a public hospital, I saw how people had made & donated little baby clothes, especially for the very tiny premie babies, because clothes to fit them were not available.

My purple jumper was truly disintegrating, with little bits of wool forming tiny lumps I was always picking at. It was sewn at the neck, shoulders, around the arms, sides, like it was made in several pieces, so even if the wool was still in good condition, I could not have unravelled the entire thing into one ball of wool, several small balls, maybe. I never tried.

Even if you are not able to take in what a counsellor is saying, the fact that you can, as & when you need, call someone, have them listen & respond, is something in itself that gives you comfort, that helps you cope a while longer, that helps you feel not so on your own & alone, is maybe the best & most important value of these services?

I feel that with my PDr, when he doesn't give me answers or solutions. It's often feels frustrating, but I know darn well whatever solutions or answers that will work best for me are those I work out for myself. Talking over the issue give me a structure for looking at the issue. Simply trying to say in words he will understand helps me clarify my own thinking & feelings about any issue.Also he is more likely to ask questions I haven't considered asking myself. These can give me a new perspective.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty,

Thanks for sharing all your thoughts here. Decades ago I was a personal carer in Aged Care. One of our residents was loosing her sight. She was able to move into a facility that was better able to assist her. I heard that she relearnt how to knit with assistance. 

I used to do more sewing and creating with fabric. A few negative comments about my work put me off trying again. Time to get back into it and just be creative for the enjoyment of it. 

I have never tried to undo a jumper and reuse the wool for another garment. It could be a bit of a challenge I guess. Hope you do manage to find another jumper you really like!

Some people are very creative and so willing to help others with their abilities.

You are right, knowing someone is willing to listen, offer suggestions and advice can be very important and beneficial when you are struggling. I have been very fortunate to be connected with some wonderful people on the BB support service and Life Line too.

Today at work I tried really hard to concentrate on the good things about my work and not the negative grumbling people coming in the door. Realising where my mind is leading me can help cut the negativity down.

Hope you and all reading have had a good day, regards form Dools

[mmMekitty]

Today, I realise I've been cruising along, when I hit this little bump in the road. I'm trying to think that's all it is, when my support worker phoned me to tell me her hubby has COVID, so now she is a close contact - who hopefully, hasn't got COVID unless it simply hasn't shown up on ther RAtests, yet. In any event, she can't work for a while, including next Wednesday, when I have appointments at the hospital. So I have had to ask for these to be re-scheduled. Maybe I have to re-schedule the appointment for Jan 19 at the NDIA office, as well?

I couldn't face it today, but tomorrow I will phone & see what they say.

& I wn't have my new vacuum cleaner put together before Friday, when my new home support worker comes to my place for the first time.

& while I was calling the hospital, neighbours were being noisy again, too.

I decided I needed to take out my recyclable rubbish, & on the way back, one of the noisy neighbours, - I guess he saw me & so came out to intersect me & try for some sympathy.. He reckons he's at the point where he no longer cares about yelling out at the neighbours. He was using the same foul language, comparable personal insults & slurs, you know, name-calling, similarly not bothering to try to speak calmly nor respectfully nor to realise when someone is screaming at you is not a good time to talk, but better to walk away from.

Hearing them ten minutes earlier, how they spoke, neither of them respecting that other people live here too, including the young child next door to me, & while I was feeling upset, I felt very little sympathy for either of them, anymore.

I'm not sure if I was more upset about them because I was already upset about my support worker having to cancel the work on Wednesday, or if I would have been jsut as upset if the loud argument had been the only thing to happen this morning? I doubted myself, wondering should I phone & make a complaint if some of the reason I was upset was because of my support worker...?

But I thought tonight, a disturbance like that is unacceptable. So I have another phone call to make tomorrow.

Arrgh!

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty,

Sounds like you have a couple of things happening for you there. Covid can be so unpredictable, we never know when it is going to appear and the repercussions of it. For most people these days I guess it seems little more than an inconvenience .

It is certainly a very different matter to those relying on people's assistance, the vulnerable and those more acceptable to Covids affect on health and well-being.

I hope you are able to reschedule your appointments. 

It is a shame about the neighbours behaviour. Not sure what you can do about that. I'm very thankful our neighbours with the dogs that enjoyed barking all day have now left. 

Hope you manage to accept you hit a bit of a bump, you can check for any damage (mental consequences) and now continue on down the road of life. Regards to you from Dools

[mmMekitty]

Hi Dools & all

I did reschedule the two appointments to next month.

I'll be calling my support worker, ('cause I suppose she won't think to call me) Monday to decide about the NDIS appointment.

My PDr will be back at work soon, & I'll speak to him Wednesday. Now it doesn't seem too far away.

My sleep has been ieratic in that I'm sleeping in & wanding to do that, as well, like I'm still tired when I wake in the morning. & I want a snooze now, at 7pm!

I spent time online food shopping & looking into other milk today. I tried a milk with less fat, & it was okay, so I think that is my next move. I tried skim milk before & had not liked the watered-down taste. & I notice milk has a fair bit of salt in it, too! & it doesn't matter if it's full cream or not.

Anyway, more stuff going on here today, & I feel I've had enough of everyone around my place.

I really am very tired.

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty, wave to everyone,

How are you going lass... have you managed to get into a better routine with your sleeping at all?... I'm hoping having your PDr back might be helpful with that....

Have you heard anything about getting your exercise bike through the NDIS yet?... I've got one of those pedal machines that are used sitting on a chair... I really need to use it much more as I'm so incredibly unfit these days... I spend too much time either in bed or on the couch... my starting to do housework is at least a start for me to move more.

Scardy cat Woofa sends gentle nose bops (there were ferocious fairy wrens near the window)

Huggily hugs

Paws