Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello LRC, wave to Blue,

Woofa wants run away from home... he is offering lots of nose bops to who ever lets him stay at theirs... I'm in the bad books as I had the temerity to clip two of his nails a little bit this morning & I still haven't been forgiven... I didn't draw blood or anything... he just thinks his nails should never be touched by humans.

Wow!!!... haven't you been very busy with christmas events... the wind orchestra sounds like it would have been really nice & relaxing... did they do classical music or more popular music or a bit of both?... 

You are lucky being able to swim in your support workers pool... that would be so much nicer than a public pool... good kitty 😸 being sun aware... being a LRC you don't need to add any more redness... you mentioned maybe going to the artificial beach near you... I would guess that would be jam packed with kids over the school holidays... especially as a lot of parents would think it safer than the real thing... perhaps get your support worker to do a drive past & see what it is like.

I must say congrats on winning the raffle... 

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Aw, come on, Woofa... if you live with me your nails would become ingrown! You gotta decide what's better for your health: a little kindly nail clipping now & then or have them growing into your pads, maybe becoming painful, infected, & eventually, leaving you unable to walk?

[Grinning LRC] Without my pretty fur, I'd burn if I went sunbathing, even on the windowsill, in winter. so, of-course I dress up like a human, or use lots of sunscreen, but still need the hat & my dark glasses, with the polarisation & UV blocking - & still I wonder if they are dark enough... I look pretty silly, in my flamingo (no penguins available) shorts, & my Xmas t-shirt with the cockatoos on it.

I found I could buy A Muppets Christmas Carol from Microsoft Store, & use an app on my PC to watch it - except I didn't know how to use the app, or  find instructions to tell me what to do, all day Monday ...  I wrote a Feedback for them about it, & THEN,Tuesday morning, I found this thing that said 'download'! It's a little scary not knowing exactly where on my PC it may end up, but I tried that, & guess what? There was now a button 'PLAY', where there was none before.

Meanwhile, my bank thought my transaction was suspicious, blocked my account with them, & notified me, advising I phone them. Inconvenience, because I didn't get through for forty minutes. But I am glad they are as quick to flag a possible attempt to hack my account.

Now I have A Muppets Christmas Carol for every Xmas! 

Today I needed a break & was searching for Xmas music to sing along with.

Sadly, I don't live very near my support worker with the pool, so I can't go there often.

How's your good self, Paws?

Happy Summer Solstice!

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Lovely mmMeKitty, Paws and everyone  🌲🤗..

I hope your having a nice day today sweet lady,

Just popping in to wish you a very Merry Christmas and wishing you a beautiful and peaceful day….

🌲🤗 Christmas hugs beautiful mmMeKitty..

Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Thank you, Grandy. I hope your Christmas Day was happy & that the neighbour was on good terms with everyone today, so that you & everyone could have a pleasant day.

Last night, I did indeed have a good soaking of my feet.  Reheating the water twice with a jug of boiling water, too. I watched my favourite movie & had my sessert plum & some cherries. 

It's awkward to move the storage box while it is full of water, but worth the effort. I took it over to the kitchen sink & emptied much of the water using a larg jug before taking the rest out to the bathroom. 

More exercise!

Today I made salad with lots of ingreients, & made extra to take some to my neighbour who missed out on the Christmas Dinner he was hoping to have, but could not have because he had to go into hospital for a procedure, 23rd & 24th December. I know, he won't really appreciate the effort I took to make it, & I'm not even expecting he'll return the container.

I get cranky because he does so little for himself, expecting others to do things for him, as if that's all we matter to him. Today, I let that go. I don't even ask 'why' today. I only thought, I know he missed the Christmas lunch he usually would have, so I thought I'll make & give him something for lunch, so he doesn't feel so neglected.

& the girl from next door came by again, getting into everything she could, spinning me on my office chair, drawing on a magnetic note thing with a white board pen, on my fridge, playing at being a mouse hiding here & there & I showed her my Christmas picture I made a couple years ago, & she wanted to see puppies, so I found some via Google.

I like Jeopardy & SBS (Ch 31) has been playing many Jeopardy episodes today.

Going to make some dinner, salmon with lemon infused olive oil. more salad, greet style, this time, to go with the salmon.

Hugzies to you & furbabies.

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Merry Christmas mmMekitty, 

What a nifty idea for a good foot soak... in the past I've used an ordinary bucket but it isn't that comfortable as I can't rest my feet flat in it... I'm going to pinch your idea from now on.

Oh you are good taking your neighbour some salad... I appreciate you thoughtfulness even if he doesn't.

It's been hot here today... Woofa & I have spent the arvo under the cooling... he has been snoozing & just woke up & noticed there are cows back in the paddock next to us.... so now he is  grrrr ing quietly from the safety of the sofa... I've been sitting here watching them as some of them have new born calves at foot... it has been lovely seeing the calves playing, sleeping & nursing.

Woofa sends you nose bops

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Thank you, Paws. I'd like to give Woofa hugzies as well. Every time you tell us about him, something he does, how he is there for you, it's so heartwarming. I'm sure he is adorable.

We get through Xmas & I feel blah, like now what? try to feel some enthusiasm for 2023, as if I really can expect huge happy changes? Realistically, I think, there will be more horrors across the globe & I will make little progress, try as I might, to achieve my own goal of better health.

First hurdle is getting a new NDIS plan set up. I have a date for a meeting Jan 19. I'm still thinking 'if' this or that is approved & we can get going on with... then I can achieve more than I have so far, which doesn't seem like very much at all.

Yeah, I feel after all the effort I put in, to making Xmas feel like it is something I feel part of, something fun, something that can have a deeper meaning too,takes a bit out of me; I'm feeling deflated. 

I was distracted from my PDr being away, & now the distraction is over, I don't feel so good.

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty and all reading,

I'm going to try and see how I get on with this forum once more. I am still rather confused how it works now. 

I've not read anything here apart from your last post mmMekitty. All the best with the new NDIS plan. I tried all of last year to get a mental health care plan. My appointments were cancelled or the Dr decided to do a health check instead of writing up the plan. I am hoping to get one done end of January! I have tried several different Drs in the same centre, might have to go to a different town for help.

Hope you find some enthusiasm for each day, I am trying to just plod along and make the most of each day. Today it is supposed to be at least 40 degrees here so I have hung old curtains outside to keep some of the heat off the bricks and windows. 

I might set up a jigsaw puzzle and have some books to read. Might make the most of the time and do some research on "assertiveness" on the computer and maybe Google crochet patterns as well.

I'm pleased I found you here and had seen your recent post on a different thread including me. Take care and hope you have a good day! 

Regards from Dools

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Heya mmMekitty (with a wave to everyone else visiting),

Just dropping in to offer some support and say I hear you and your concerns for the new year. I want to say too that I'm seeing you doing lots of great self care things, and these will help build you up to face any challenges ahead. I also see you making plans to work toward making the things that worry you better, and that is really positive. In times when I didn't at all believe it was going to help and was feeling overall very pessimistic I would still take steps that logically should help me to make things better - they didn't always go to plan, but often they did ultimately improve my life in some way. So from my perspective you're doing the right things for yourself. For what it's worth, I'm proud of you. Also thank you heaps for checking in on me on my thread over Christmas - I was struggling a tad, and it means a lot.

Hugzies!

Blue.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Dool. I'm not sure I've ever felt a 40° + day. We did get close one year, & it wasn't humid, so I think I coped fairly well, given that I'd also been indoors, in air-conditioning, for half the day, so maybe that doesn't count...? The heat was startling, when I walked out & I suggested we should go back in again, now, please! It felt like going into a fan-forced oven.

I like the idea of hanging old curtains outside to keep the heat out. I'm not sure how or if I could do that here, if I needed.

I trust the weather is better today & you can enjoy whatever you do for New Year celebrattions or even if not.

I had tried crocheting & knitting long, long ago, & made a mess of it. I'd love to be able to do either of these creative things. I imagine, concentrating on crocheting could be a very calming sort of thing to do.

How frustrating! When you get a mental health care plan, then the appointments are cancelled, or the mental health care plan for yourself was not written up!

From what I've read here, it seems to me, finding a psychologist is the hard part, time taken to find someone, then waiting for the first appointment. & I think it's a problem just knowing how you are limited to a certain number of consultations per year on these mental health care plans. I wish you all the best with finding the help you need. Remember, BB Counsellors are always here.

Have you searched BB's website for 'Assertiveness' posts, discussions, articles, stories? I could be wrong, but I strongly suspect you could find some useful info right here.

Though you won't get an immediate response, I would suggest you keep asking for help with this site. I suggest, a direct email is best.

I'm glad that you are trying to post more again, because I've always thought your posts are thoughtfully honest & kind.

Hugzies into the New Year

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Thanks Blue.

I get some way towards feeling good about what I'm now doing to care for myself, but I think I fall short of feeling pride. Pride is not something I've been encouraged to feel, so it seems not to come at all easily to me.

For now, I am happiest when I stop & appreciate that what I'm doing, such as when I'm exercising or when I'm choosing a salad mix which is full of healthy ingredients, are things to TREAT MYSELF WELL, when I am CARING about what I'm doing & eating. These are positive, active, deliberate things I am choosing for myself. I like the 'feel good' feeling I have, when I am mindful about what I'm doing for myself.

I am still struggling to be so mindful about what I'm doing. Sometimes I would like to give in & not care, even for the day when people are telling me things like, because it's Xmas, New Year's, or when my Birthday comes around again, or to celebrate someone else's Birthday for that matter.

I tend to feel horrible, like 'Scrooge' or a wowser, or the party-pooper - it's hard to maintain my resolve. & I did give in, to some extent - not entirely, I'm glad to say. I could only score myself 6 out of 10 for this Xmas & New Year. By comparison, prior to this year, I might have scored myself 2 or 3 out of 10. So, I acknowledge I made significant improvements to how I treated myself this year, but there's some way to go before I think I'm doing very well.

You are right, making the effort is valuable in itself, even if thigs don't work out. Your willingness to try is so very important.

Whatever challenges which may come our way are certainly better managed if we are as physically & mentally healthy as we can be - that's what I keep hearing.

All the best for the New Year,

Hugzies

mmMekitty