Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[ecomama]

Hey Kitty, 

Cramping can be a right pain. Pun intended. 

Great that Croix suggested magnesium. I was going to mention that to you too. 

You can take tablets of magnesium but knowing my kids can't stand taking tablets of any kind, I was rapt when I found a Magnesium SPRAY in the Health Food Shop. It worked very well almost immediately, having a shower or bath beforehand. 

Then I saw my Chiropractor was selling some Magnesium OINTMENT. 
That's the best I've tried so far. 

The kids get cramping from bursts of exercise like FUTSAL, dancing lessons, Karate etc. 
My cramps are usually associated with injuries I have, fractured back which causes issues up my spine in all the fun places, right up to my neck. 

The ointment has been a Godsend for us all. 

Praying for resolution to your health stuff Kitty, 
Love EMxxxx

[mmMekitty]

Hi Croix & anyone reading.

I hope I remember to ask about giving magnesium a go - given other meds, a couple veryodd reactions I've had to a couple things, as you suggest. It's also better if the GPs & other medicos in our lives know what we're doing, if we decide to use over-the-counter 'remedies', even vitamins & minerals.

*

The disturbance here last night was difficult for me to cope with. I think part of the problem is that I can't see what they are actually doing, even if I was upstairs & had a view of them, I can't see, especially after dark, even though there are lights on the outer walls of the buildings, (not bright enough, in my opinion). So in my mind the noise they are making becomes a poorly defined & scary mess. 

I know the police are untrusted by the people involved, but there is nothing else I can do, other than allow the dispute to continue & very likely escalate. I fear it could end very badly.

Last night it upset me more than usual. & some noise continued for another houranyway. I began to wonder what the police did do - anything?

I could only distract myself with my book reading, interesting enough to capture my attention, & there is some humour in the book too. 

Today, I've noticed more tension in my body,& bit jumpy, too. I really don't want to hear any external human noises. No, no people please. Of-course I can't actually insist everyone be silent, though, & have to stop thinking - look at my thinking it's a noise to be concerned about, & realise MOST of the time the voices & the other sounds people make are not of concern.

My mood had dropped - maybe for a little while now, but today, seems to be dragging on me, & I feel close to crying. & of-course, I'm grumpy. I don't know, just another additional layer over me when I think at least one layer ought to be lifting. Instead, last night, I was wishing I had somewhere else to go & sleep. Would I be satisfied with one night? Or, once there, not want to leave?

It's spring now. We have had a warm weekend, & tomorrow, too. Baby penguins are being born - not for flavouring bikkies, but for swimming round & round a certain iceberg & creating enough of a current to get the berg spinning.

I'll fill my bikkies with oysters, clams, cockles & mussels, alive, alive-o!

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

You'll notice I'm typing vewy vewy quietly - like I'm hunting wabbits -so as not to disturb you.

Incidentally all the pro chefs remove the shells from the clams, oysters etc before using in biscuits - I thought you might find it handy to know that.

Now I'm starting to get dizzy, all those dratted baby penguins are making my igloo revolve. I'm having to hold all the inebriated kiwis in place.

Noise from agro neighbours is very unsettleing, and I'm not sure if you saw them it would make much difference. I think for some reason we have a built in fearful reaction to anger.

So what can you do rather than just endure? I suspect you may have been on the right track with the book. Can you wear earplugs or headphones anyway to dull it all down?

Funny you mentioned the police, I'd noticed some really did not like them too:)

Going somewhere else to sleep? Well I use that imaginary sea vista to retreat too, and that can help move me away and allow sleep to come. Can you do something similar?

🌪

Cr

io

x

🌪

[mmMekitty]

Oh great font of knowledge, you! I am releived to know the shells of seafood are emoved - I thought they might be worse than eggshell.

🥕

Hold onto those inebriated Kiwis - they just might keep you afloat, while all the debris from the most recent partying is swept away with all the increasing centrifugal force my darling little penguins can generate.

💫

I'd like to do more than hide myself away & dream 🌈of Oz as the destination.

I've found when I can identify what as sound is, how it is being produced, it tends to irritate me less. Certain forms of 'music', no, it doesn't help to know it's highly amplified & distorted electric guitars; it's still too agro a sound for me, as is the agro voice & extreme language coupled with the sounds of agro behaviour - too much.

There was another 45 mins of agro last night, so I had to phone again. I was so distracted I burned my bikkies.

I feel my own stress level rising, tension & jumpiness increasing, it's like actually living with them, I mean, that's how close it feels. Every sound I hear I'm assessing, as eithr of concern or not of concern. Sometimes I just don't know. Not knowing is the worst of all. If you don't know it's coming, how do you protect yourself? That's what I'm feeling.

It kind of triggers old memories, but what I had to deal with was more predictable. Nevertheless, I was still on edge a lot of the time.

Isn't home supposed to be a place where you can relax & feel safe?

That's why, send me to Oz & I'd want to say.

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

Your neighbours sound horrible and most unsettling, and their reviving old memories is particularly nasty. Home is indeed supposed ot be a secure retreat.

BTW I am teaching your baby penguins contrapuntallity, with half swimming in a clockwise circle, and half the other way. The net effect being stasis.

Seriously folks, I'm not sure I agree with you. Stepping out of the immediate surroundings can help reduce stress and even generate a sense of proportion, however I seriously doubt one would wish to remain in that state for any length of time, at least in part becuse one is always conscious it is artificial. I'd liken it to a cool face-washer cloth after exertion, refreshing, but one would not want to keep it on permanently.

Still whatever works, we are all individuals. I'll loan you an inebriated kiwi to pet for a while if you like. It's hiccuping may district you from other sounds.

Good luck wiht the next batch of biscuits

Croix (who found typing vewy vewy quietly too tiwing)

[ecomama]

Hey Kitty, flipper waves to Croix and regular waves to all others reading, 

Having wild neighbours is awful. For those of us who are recovering from trauma, it can leave us feeling all sorts for days after one of their wild nights. 
These events can also make us feel wary any time we're outside in case we pass these neighbours. Hypervigilance spikes. 

To some people they are "annoying", for us they are triggering. 

Sadly, new tenants moved in next door, they're AWFUL. My first meeting with the lady was pleasant. My first approach by the man was WOAH there buddy! 
I'm No Contact now. 
Made my first complaint to a Real Estate, ever. 

Yes the only thing we can do is call the Police when we hear noises that are disruptive or disturbing in nature. 
But the Police can't "control" people. 
They can only visit, if they do at all, make notes, if they do this at all either. 
At times I know they can remove people and charge them. 
We all know, Police included, that even charging these people won't necessarily "change" them. 
Plus we know Police may attempt to uphold the Law but it's the judges that can let us down in the worst of times. 

I know people who've lived in Housing that have complained to administrators and have had better outcomes. 

Soooo where does that leave us? 
Doing all we can to cope with disruptive people living nearby. 

Good luck Kitty! 
Love EMxxxx

[mmMekitty]

Hello EN &Croix, & everyone,

I saw a new GP yesterday, & maybe.. tentatively, maybe I will like the way she works well enough.

I have to admit to a little problem, which I am not sure how to handle. She has an accent & I was having some trouble hearing her clearly. Usually, I will try to be patient & try extra hard to concentrate on the words, even as my brain is trying to restate what was said using the accent I am most familiar with, but I'm finding this, which I think I've done without even noticing, is becoming distracting, & I'm not able to have my attention on what the GP is actually saying & what my brain thinks she said, & then think of what I need to say in response. This is taxing my brain more now, I realised, yesterday.

However, she (!) suggested I try taking magnesium for a month & seeing if that helps with cramping. Even if it does nothing more than put an end to the cramps I have been getting sometimes, in my arches, legs, thigh maybe the feeling when my elbow itself feels cramped & I have to straighten my arm - too bad if I'm trying to eat, eh? &  I hope the cramping in two places in my neck, too. 

*

We went to a park yesterday, where the council has put in some exercise equipment. 😺 A couple things I couldn't use because I am simply not strong enough & due to my right shoulder's bursitis & my left shoulder still needs more recovery (stretches & strenthening as well), but some was fine to use. Although it felt really awkward, I like the eliptical trainer, which had me moving arms & legs, while seated - about as much of a trill as I like from show rides, with the odd movements, moving the seat up & down as I I pedaled with arms & legs. I had to concentrate on either my legs or arms  to keep from getting confused about which way to move those limbs & letting the machine inform my arms which way - seemingly opposite to my legs! It was difficult getting on & off, & maybe could do with a brake to assist with that.

But it was fun, & I could feel how it was exercising my body. 

& it wasn't just up the road where I might be able to walk to & from. Grrr...  We pretty much had the place to ourselves. It has a little creek, with ducks, & plovers, (my helper said), & other birds around. Clean cement paths too. That's helpful. We saw only two other people, one who had a dog. Didn't get to meet though.

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

...PS:

Croix, little penguins are in the process of developing the Circular for of Square Dancing.

*

Dang, I missed my own party!... 😾

I almost feel I am back where I started, Sept 13 2021 - with another break my PDr is taking, during a time of my feeling insecure & anxious. He went & has extended it forward, so now, I'll miss out on two regular appointments, with days either side included. He won't be available for emergies this time.  I think I was better off not knowing & therefore expecting, he would be available. Until late last year, I had simply presumed he would not be, so that question seemed answered 'no', & that was that. But now... ? It kinda makes me scared.

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty, with a wave EM & All~

Actually all the little penguins have gone. I started a rumor you fridge was chock-full of all the most delicious fish and if they asked nicely you would feed them (and clear up the obvious results of a feast:)

Is that the patter of little feet I can hear outside you door?

I have had a doctor with a strong overseas accent. I found it pretty hopeless and used to wait to see my wife afterwards  to find out what had been said, however eventually decided this arrangement was impractical.

So I had to steel myself to say "I'm sorry would you repeat that more slowly?". Even that did not work at times and I had to ask the doctor to spell out or write down particularly troublesome words. I also made a habit of repeating back what had just been said to demonstrate my understanding - or lack of it.

Embarrassing and tedious and sometimes still not being sure what had been going on. Not a satisfactory state of affairs as it could end up wiht the doctor making decisions without my informed input.

Fortunately that is all in the past.

Have fun feeding the baby penguins (and cleaning up after:)

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Hi again, 

I put myself last, last night & was too tired & physically too uncomfortable to sit & write here, in my own Discussion about things on my mind. The most recent thoughts & feelings are there, not quite as immediate to my attention as when they first occured, which was around 4pm, when my PDr phoned me, & asked if I would be okay with changing our schedule session time to 10am, because he couldn't be available at our usual time of 2pm. Still Wednesday, just at an earlier time. I was okay while talking to him & agreed quite easily, knowing I'd not planned anything for the morning anyway, & I've been getting up early (often too early) these days, so no problem.

It was only after the call when I felt a surge of anxiety, like, what if .. he's ill, like very ill, because he already extended his break forward by a week, & now the change of time for this last appointment before his break. It suddenly had me worried & lots of 'what ifs' came bubbling up in my brain

I then thought, I'd not done my online shopping, & how I thought I would be okay getting it delivered Wednesday morning, but not now, so I better get onto that.

& a couple hours later, the neighbour is being agro again, but I was determined to make more chunky apple sauce, but his noise kept on & making me jumpy & angry too. While that distracted my thoughts away from my PDr, it was as I'd only replaced one source of fear & anxiety with another.

& I still needed to have my dinner. 

I'd come back to BB, reading here & there, mostly playing games when I did post. If I'm going to answer with a longer post, I have to do that early in the morning, before I get too uncomfortable.

I don't think the magnesium is helping that any, not that I was really sure it could.

& eventually, my mind circle back around to 'what if' ... my PDr is really ill & has to stop working, even for a month, or what if for much longer or forever? Yes, I heard his voice, & he sounds well, but he controls himself so much I think he could hide how he's feeling very well, so I find myself concerned because he makes such changes so rarely. If he did this all the time, I suppose I wouldn't worry at all - just be annoyed.

mmMekitty