In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

Simona · ‎21-01-2016

Hello. I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me. And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know what else to do. And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps. My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking. Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS. And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there. I have no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me. I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!". I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat. Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD. So far today I'm ok i think. I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair. A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok. I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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Simona · ‎13-01-2017

Good Morning : ) I really hurt partner's feelings last night and he rang and dobbed me into triage. So today people are waiting for me to grace them with my presence. Thank-you everyone for all your posts. I'm just reading them now.

Starwolf · ‎13-01-2017

Uh oh ! Never mind, Simona...stretches of the path are full of ruts and potholes (insert sigh of resignation). And yes, sometimes our loved ones find it difficult too. It is clear that you are loved and those around you want the best for you. Sometimes, what is best is not easy to figure. I hope the right note will soon be struck.

If you want to continue the conversations while in hospital, we'll be here to listen. We'll also still be here when you return home.

No matter when or what, I'll be thinking of you, sending good wishes and a sprinkle of fairy dust your way.

Simona · ‎13-01-2017

Hello Star : ) I'm not going to hospital no way. I rang my main mental health clinician and told her lets just do this business over the phone but she said no you have to come to us. I'm not going to them because they have this trick up their sleeve with the ambos around the corner. I'm going back in the spare room now with my ipod nano. Thank-you for the fairy dust. I need to blow some in their faces if they dare come to me

Starwolf · ‎13-01-2017

Thank you for clarifying...phew ! Thought triage was a pre-admission routine. Ipod sounds better than injections.

Fingers crossed you can enjoy the day in peace.

Simona · ‎13-01-2017

I'm going out soon. I asked partner if he would fancy a dirty chai with me and he said maybe he will give it a try. It's a chai with a shot of coffee and turmeric powder. See? everything is perfectly fine. Also I'm happy because my new lip gloss arrived in the mail at last.

Simona · ‎13-01-2017

THIS IS NOT FAIR.

I HAVE BEEN DECIEVED AGAIN

I don't get to go my café because people coming here. this is not fair. I hav eto hide now

Starwolf · ‎13-01-2017

A dirty chai sounds appealing. Love the heat of turmeric. It's also supposed to be packed with healthy stuff.

Hold on to the thought, Simona...the cafe will still be there when visitors have left. But why the need to hide ? Who are those people ? Are they part of your health team or just casual visitors you don't want to see right now? You say you have been deceived and you sound scared. I'm worried about you...

Fingers crossed it all turns out OK.

Kazzl · ‎13-01-2017

Hi hun, I'm worried that you're sounding scared too. We're here. Come back and tell us what's happening when you can.

Kaz

xx

Simona · ‎13-01-2017

I had a visit from my mental health clinician. I thought she was bringing an army but she came alone. I really didn't want to see her but partner kept insisting I come out so I did. She reassured me she didn't come with hidden agenda. But that I must hand over what i might use to harm myself, otherwise she will have to call the police. After a little time I did. I was being stubborn. I gave it to my partner. I also had to take more of my medication in front of them. And that was it. She left and then partner true to his word took me out to the café. On Tuesday I have to present myself for a check-up and medication review. Very relieved to be allowed to stay at home I just hope I don't get any bad ideas later

Starwolf · ‎13-01-2017

Phew...so it did turn out OK after all. I'm relieved too. And you still got to go to the Cafe to enjoy a dirty chai in good company. No betrayal or empty promises sounds good. I bet it felt good too...after such a scare.

And I'm glad you gave up whatever you intended to self-harm with...I hope you gave up the idea as well. I guess it was just because you didn't want to be taken back to hospital, right ?

Medication review ? Hopefully balance will be achieved, to keep you both happy and safe.

A good ending to a challenging day. Now you can put your feet up and enjoy a peaceful evening 🙂